i am the poster child

weekdays or weekends, it doesn’t matter for greg

remember remember may the fourth of november be with you

I wish i could like a post twice: the first for when i read it, the second for when i understand it

My work here is dumb

You’re brazenness and incorrigibility. I’m a lack of remorse. We are not the shame

“I’ll die on this hill.” - Frodo at Mount Doom

No, I don't wanna know what a "Greg salad" is

sorry I wouldn’t join your group chat, I am not that kind of girl (social)

when one of my posts flop

mr gorbachev, put a gloryhole in this wall

bluesky branding refresh unveiled

Due to inflation, Dire Straits is re-recording “Money for Nothing” as “Nothing for Money.”

I'm trying to think of an original butthole post but it's hard to find an opening

QUALITY JOKE

Not calling a prosthetic leg for a cat a faux paw is the real faux pas

Sangria has juice in it so it's technically a breakfast beverage.

QUALITY JOKE

QUALITY JOKE

tbh I'm fine with dying alone. the other option is dying with other people around, and then I'd feel self conscious and worry that I was doing it wrong

The real villain of Oz? Extreme weather events caused by climate change. But sure, blame the witch.

you've got a screw loose, i'm spiralling out. we are not the sane.

at least Icarus probably had a really nice tan when he plunged into the sea and died

Sex is great, but has your cat licked the inside part of your elbow?

Not an exceptionally good life crisis or an unbelievably low quality life crisis, but a secret third thing

Mid life crisis mutant ninja turtles

a sleeping bag but it’s a raviolo

bag my own groceries? i’m not a jenga wizard

I only use American cheese on my burgers because I’m committed to the Kraft.

he doesn’t need encouragement

when gandalf the grey became gandalf the white did the pubes change

Announcer: this program is intended for mature audiences Me: *waving my bubble wand* well, I'm out

Sick of the rat race man. These rats are fast as shit. Tired of losing.

do you guys think I should update my pfp to something more seasonal, like a closeup of my turkey neck

pants are for losers

even with the world falling apart i keep my floors clean enough to shit on.

im gonna add him to a list called “i sat on my balls”

I can’t complain about watching Jurassic Park 7 because honestly that’s on me.

The only thing that stands between you and your dreams are all the things you suck at

I really like this rocking chair, I think to myself oldly

@los-los.bsky.social happy los day

the square root of pants is pantsless

I'm not one to brag, but I totally got out of bed today without coaxing.

i don't believe in brainwashing...I don't believe in brainwashing... I don't believe in brainwashing... repeat after me...

"I know you're awfully busy, but will you get me some parsley, sage, and rosemary?" "Yeah. When I get thyme."

told you. we are not the sane.

Touch grass you said It will be fun you said Sure I said what’s the worst that could happen (severe allergic reaction and $200 fine)

I woke up to like 100 notifications and I dreamed I posted my boobs so I was like oh shit, did I? NyQuil is strong stuff my friends.