I find it neat that the US, after all these years, is still finding new, innovative ways to embarrass itself on the world stage 🥰

i didn’t understand your skeet until i printed it out, pulverized it, and snorted it

i’m saying you’re addictively funny as hell

A man who publicly was doing something which, when done wrong, can cause graft-vs-host disease, an autoimmune disease which can attack, among other things, your GI tract, now has an autoimmune disease which is attacking his GI tract. What a coincidence.

[in the mosh pit] CAN EVERYONE STOP MOVING AROUND FOR A SECOND I DROPPED MY SHRIMP COCKTAIL

i’m sorry, i didn’t know i’m not allowed to be charming and delightful on this here website

Mitch McConnell is suspended in a liminal state between life & death. No one knows which realm he is in. No one knows if he’s a particle or a wave. He cannot be observed, but he is said to have presence.

i wish a stress eater would eat my shoulder and upper back muscles

People may blame my family for the unwashed dishes in our kitchen sink but I prefer to think it was Democratic socialists.

it’s because all yall carrying around water bottles that data centers can’t have water. shame on you!

are people really selling their houses to someone who randomly texts them

No country for elder emo men

Have you heard the good news? It's puppies. That's the good news.

My least favorite cartoon is the United States Of America.

i wish a stress eater would eat my shoulder and upper back muscles

i didn’t understand your skeet until i printed it out, pulverized it, and snorted it

i went to the format joke store and they said you’re their #1 customer, but they are concerned you might have a dependency on using formulaic humor for a low effort dopamine reward and to avoid your fear of expressing yourself genuinely

they are called soccer/football uniforms, NOT kits. kits are a collection of equipment/supplies that are enclosed by containers like boxes/cases/pouches and are organized around a task or activity. (i don't care what the dictionary says).

When I'm about to repost somehting funny then see it has no alt-text

don’t ask me why, but this actually makes sense

Ernest Has 93 Minutes of Explosive Diarrhea

they are called soccer/football uniforms, NOT kits. kits are a collection of equipment/supplies that are enclosed by containers like boxes/cases/pouches and are organized around a task or activity. (i don't care what the dictionary says).

why aren’t I rich enough to buy the cinema they’re closing down in town so I can just run it as a fun little quirky community cinema

i’m just going to assume all of you blew off your fingers in a tragic 4th event and that’s why you’re not liking my posts today

ernest goes commando

Ernest and Vern Make a Porno

Crapping my diaper to celebrate In Depends Day or whatever you guys call it.

Jazz is all about the notes you don't play, I say sitting in complete silence.

Logging on to Bluesky

Indeed.

“Indeed” - Ancient Autistic Proverb

America is like getting reamed by your own Dick Translation for those who don’t read “Dick” : Using one’s own money to kill others and destroy democracy

when you reproduce a fart with immaculate precision: verbuttim

silently increasing my surface tension because I am mad at the ocean

queefing the national anthem out of my butt

baconated away

queefing the national anthem out of my butt

if you wear a neck fan around your thigh it can be a pussy fan

"Is America Good or Bad" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 250 years of heated debate

idk but it better not go anywhere cuz that's where i keep all my stuff

They should make a Studio Ghibli movie about working at a Wendy's

Hey snowflake If you don’t like drunk neighbors being belligerent dick heads about incinerating your home and possessions during their flagrantly violent and pathetic patriotic shit show, maybe you should move to some decent country with intelligent citizens

Spock tolerated pussy

“the founding fathers would be turning in their graves if…” my brother in christ, the founders don’t remember shit, they were tripping balls on ayahuasca when they came up with the idea for the usa

borders are wack yo

what the fuck you praying for

i saw "independence day" in the theater in 1996, and friends, i will never forget the way the entire audience literally and ecstatically CHEERED when the dog escaped from the explosion. that dog could have won an election for president with like 95% of the vote in july, 1996.

"Not ALL the single ladies" - Nuancé

bluesky will probably label this as porn