Being actively bullied by the universe kinda sucks, actually.

Imagine how good my posts would be if I wasn’t wearing mittens

you know honestly I will take the autism if it means I can get rid of this lower back pain

has to be Tylenol otherwise it's just sparkling pain pills

waking up at 3:00 in the morning to catch a plane flight is a terrible fucking name for a baby girl

every restaurant should have gravy on the menu. gravy you can order by itself

I want to meet the climate change hoax cabal. They must have deep pockets to give all those professors and graduate students posh lifestyles. I'd ask how reducing pollution is so profitable that they can outspend the oil industry. I bet Big Bicycle and Big Reusable Tote Bag are pulling the strings.

actually, i think more stuff should be cake

🎶 my shitpost brought some creeps to the page and i'm like you better think twice 🎶

They can't investigate everyone if we all call ICE fascists! ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.

gonna start replying to all my posts with "this is premium shitpost content people show some respect"

"People making fun of the "male loneliness epidemic" is uncouth and disrespectful," I say as we proudly stand on a decade of people making the most cruel jokes about feminists because this woman made A Face for a split second while attempting to raise awareness on rape

I still only get 30 notifications, never change

You know how Colombo acts clueless to trick the perpetrator into admitting their crime? Maybe that's what Kash Patel is trying to do with his permanent “deer-in-the-headlights” expression.

It's funny how right-wingers embrace LLM chat as a panacea to fix all the world's problems, make scientific breakthroughs, and achieve enlightenment. But when LLMs tell them the right perpetrated the majority of political violence, they go, “oh my sweet summer child, I’ll make up my own facts.”

it’s only free speech if it was uttered in the united states otherwise it’s just sparkling discourse

People are under an illusion about Freedom of Speech being from the start of the country. The Freedom of Speech that we have in the US comes from the 1960s. The landmark case was an ad in the NY Times from MLK supporters criticizing Alabama police for treatment of civil rights protesters.

it’s ok sleep, i don’t need you. i prefer mind numbing reality anyways

This is about me:

If you're not funny, I want you to know every joke I ever make is a direct attack on you

I saw an ambiguous Babylon Bee headline about RFK Jr., so I looked for the story and ended up on their site. I skimmed the article and left. Instantly, I started getting their newsletters in my inbox. My fault for forgetting to turn tracking protection on, but wtf shady non-consensual bs is that?

Please do me a favor… if you’re a fan of my father’s & hate people using AI to imitate an artist after his death, please 👎🏻 & report this asshole to Google. youtube.com/@georgecarli... It’s whack a mole for us. This is a nightmare.

It's always guys who look like they drug women saying the dumbest shit on this webbed site

You know how Colombo acts clueless to trick the perpetrator into admitting their crime? Maybe that's what Kash Patel is trying to do with his permanent “deer-in-the-headlights” expression.

removing the curlers in my hair and listening to doris day like vintage barbie

star war movie cycle : el niño avatar movie cycle : la niña

Neurodivergent culture is wanting to talk to someone but waiting for them to contact you first to be sure they want to talk to you 😮‍💨

Bloodshed is where blood keeps its yard tools

me: ugh I have a bunch of shit to do later I better get stoned me later: I'm too stoned for this shit

I am like the Mr. Magoo of avoiding ass clowns. Whenever I see someone post about a shitty person and try to find their profile to block them, I find out the shitty person was already blocking me.

Oh, ok you said just 𝙗𝙚 yourself yes will def give that a try once things dry out

NSFW Need Space, Feeding Worms

It's definitely a spirit because everything has one. The noises have some, the blur behind you in the mirror sometimes, and even this very conclusion, self-sufficient with spirit. Have you always had trouble with the spirit of introductions "Hi I'm an essay with just an ending"

The problem with politics is that the people who want to be politicians shouldn't be.

Oh, wow, that follow-farming grifter was lying about who they are? Who could have seen this coming?

when meeting an annoying child its important to help them become even more annoying to dunk on the next generation

Here's my “take“ on things: yoink!

when you write poetry on bsky you become insufferable in real life

“Yes, some supporters I refuse to disavow self-identity as neonazis, or do nazi salutes, or say nazis were right, or spread nazi propaganda, or have nazi tattoos, or collect nazi memorabilia, or fly nazi flags, or grow Hitler mustaches, but you shouldn't call us nazis because it stokes violence!”

I am so funny. *lowering voice* do you think of me in quiet moments

Don’t restart Disney Plus — Corey Feldman just got sent home from Dancing With the Stars what the hell is going on there

My thoughts are in Spanish, but I don't speak Spanish. I never know what I'm thinking.

cheerleader chant: what do we want? Other cheerleaders, except for one: to irreparably injure the one on top of the pyramid

The neurologists think they're so much better than me just because they went to brain pervert academy.

Transactional relationships aren’t, really.

Why should I care about important things that will definitely affect me

there's a damn cheeto felon in the white house!

I am beginning to think orange man bad

considering becoming evil but with like a moral compass