If only men actually cared about what women found desirable. And people wonder why we are in a "relationship recession", male loneliness epidemic, or whatever they are calling it these days.

I would have hoped by now that some dude would have written an op Ed about how straight women’s reaction to Bad Bunny - a man at peace with himself, emoting publicly + queer culture - underscores that the Manosphere bros are performing heterosexuality for other men and have no idea what women like.

Underwear is the socks of the groin.

Jeni's Amoxicillin Ice Cream for Elder Millennials

this but “arrest rich pedophiles”

I need hikers to stop lording their happy-go-lucky attitude over me

i still have 4 days left to win an olympic medal

NBC ran a piece where Mary Carrillo went to Norway to find out why they're so good at the Winter Olympics and i was yelling BECAUSE IT'S COLD THERE then she went to a little tiny ski jump for kids and was like "it's free, equipment is provided, & they don't emphasize results" and i was like. oh!

Sometimes when I’m meetings with brands and organizations about how to encourage participation and raise the levels of talent in different sports, and I hear all about the most amazing innovations, I usually suggest greater access by making it free or cheaper and then everyone gets weird about it.

crabs probably think they’re walking forwards

HR: What's your complaint? ME: Bill is a giant asshole. HR: Please, I need you to be more formal. ME: Sorry, WILLIAM is a giant asshole.

I know I'm not one to talk, but if that influencer kid is looksmaxxing, if that's the maximum his looks go, he should probably pursue something else.

people in the u.s. be like soccer is so boring then watch 10 fucking rounds of curling

while you were studying the blade, I was also studying the blade. we have the same blade exam and I want to do well.

hey i just woke up from a 25 year coma, is kid rock dead yet?

If STDs worked out

Something about being able to do a Donald Duck voice makes middle aged men think that every child they meet is dying for it to be inflicted on them

I know I'm not one to talk, but if that influencer kid is looksmaxxing, if that's the maximum his looks go, he should probably pursue something else.

they should invent a cost of living that goes down

scrawny 18-year-old about to fall out of an army helicopter over tehran: this is so epic. this is totally sigma, right babe? AI e-girl operated by a balding intelligence officer in virginia: that's right baby, Iran is totally cringe

Today’s concrete example of why yelling at this administration gets things done. Don’t roll over and take it, they constantly back-peddle when pushed.

Hello grandma? Someone just told me they were not attracted to me, yet you told me several times that I am the handsomest boy in the world, so like, I'm just trying to figure out what's going on and who is lying to me.

My friend sent me a picture today of my sweet little kiss of a cloud from when he was a few weeks old. He is absurdly sweet? The epitome of "brain empty, heart full". He freaking sleeps under the covers with me, guys. He'll wake me up when burrowing, if he has to.

FRENCH GUY: do you speak french ME: no FRENCH GUY: ah well c'est la vie ME: la vie

hot theys in your area are sleepy and sore

my love language is remembering the small stuff (hits blunt)

wishing all of you the Bestrogen

Hi. We were hit with a data breach and leaked your name, address, PINs, social security numbers, mom's maiden name, 1st pet, favorite car, street you grew up on, routing and acct numbers, birthday, cell phone, work number, and credit card info. Here's a free credit check.

if you hate or love "maxxing" please be advised that guys my age think it's funny as hell and will shortly be using it approx. 500 times a day. you will be cringemaxxing and despairmaxxing but no amount of cringe & no depth of despair will stop the guys my age from usemaxxing "maxxing." just fyi

“The left” is a convenient straw man for the fascists and their collaborators. There has NEVER been a powerful left wing in modern American politics. It’s a skapegoat sham that has fooled the media repeatedly. Anything but “conservative” barbarism is labeled “the left.” A well-practiced delusion.

Could you be a bit more specific about your negative online experience. I am very nosey.

How sour would something need to be to instantly kill you? Asking for a lemon

I think it might be time to uh.. shame the rich.

broke: paw patrol is copaganda woke: paw patrol is a helpful tool for explaining our government to children because the bad guy is the mayor

if you are trying to steal a car and the alarm goes off you can just snooze it and then you have nine more minutes

of COURSE there's a technology the left is excited about

my daily affirmations are just screams

I don’t know how it’s possible, but I am in a state of simultaneously having too many charging cables and not enough charging cables.

one reset I'd personally appreciate: behind the insistence that we must offer the electorate a little bigotry is the idea that commoners are more bigoted than the richer and more educated, who can be appealed to with high minded policy. but then you Ctrl+F "phrenology" in the Epstein files

While you’re patting yourself on the back for a filthy joke that went viral, I’m over here making intentional malapropisms that only seven people liked because they actually got the joke, or maybe because it was also filthy.

If you put your finger in the palm of my hand, I'll still grab it. I can't help it.

When Frank Sinatra sang “I did it my way” he was talking about how he peed sitting down

the secret to success in any endeavor is 300 energy drinks

By age 12, Einstein had already discovered masturbation

why did einstein join the ménage à trois? because two heads is better than one

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. I finally made my first starter pack and absolutely everyone looked like a complete stranger.

I don't like that our choices are to wake up or stay asleep forever and they both suck

Bluesky merch store: forever 38

Boy, I've been singing a lot of lyrics wrong forever.