🎶 love you youtube.com/watch?v=kln_...

I’m going to allow myself the luxury of worrying only about stupid little shit today.

I'll be a mad guerilla marauding through the countryside. I don't give a fuck

dissociate so strong, i evaporate

Clawing my way back into the algorithm with a small selection of subpar drivel.

Just discovered that I’ve turned who cares I’ll be dead by then years old

I’ve administered mouth to mouth resuscitation please respond

when you get to heaven and they show you how much time you spent on the toilet

In Algeria, they don't say "you look ugly", they say "you look like 4 AM" and I think it's beautiful!

I miss school in the 70s when school drills included ducking under your desk in case of nuclear war

Monday and his cock waiting like ..

Another new pfp . . .

Had to eat a handful of m&ms to get rid of this toothpaste flavor in my mouth

DISSTOPIA: an insufferable society where leaders spend all their time exchanging insults through the media.

A broken man is right twice a day.

when the working day is done squirrels just wanna have fun

Thank the lord for the night time, and mescaline.

Hold on now your house was in the MIDDLE of the street? Madness!

One thing for sure I know about party people, is they're always in the house.

Bouncing on it as a friend

Gosh, I'm sure I recall hearing something about opposing a tyrannical government...what was it again? The right to bear a strongly worded letter? The right to hit send on a pleading tweet?

if you ever ask someone what color something is and they say indigo or violet instead of purple THEYRE AN ALIEN!!! RUN AWAY BEFORE THEY SUCK YOUR BRAIN OUT!!!

starting to feel like it will never be the right day to stop sniffing glue

I just did a maturity in response to an idiot by not responding. Please clap.

The last time I stuck my fork in the toaster I could remember what color corduroys I was wearing when I ate my first Dorito

Heated Rivalry slash fiction where it’s just two guys playing hockey.

I've been listening to Land Down Under and what I am hearing is if you are from Australia people will just give you food? Like, breakfast, sandwiches, the lot? Anyway, I am working on my citizenship application now

Every city and town has a strange guy named Kenny. Maybe he’s the guy everyone assumes is homeless but just likes to walk around talking to people or maybe he’s the guy beating a dead bird on everyone’s windshield at the stoplight yelling “Who killed my Pigeon!”.

Gonna start stealing bathroom mirrors from my favorite 2am dive bars because damn I look fine in those

A marriage license should require a demonstration of whether that person can close a resealable bag of shredded cheese

This post was formatted to fit your screen & edited for language, nudity, & graphic violence.

80s music themed restaurant features Pasta Dutchie.

The guy who named Bigfoot is not allowed to name anything else. Imagine seeing a giant humanoid creature roaming through the woods and thinking to yourself, "Holy shit, I bet that thing has huge feet"

ⓘ this user doesn’t want serious replies to their joke posts

I'm Australian so of course I use Vegemite as both an aphrodisiac and a lube

Saw a headline about Adam22 who I was blissfully unaware of until now. I pretty much stopped paying attention shortly after Adam12.

Piece of chicken, piece of broccoli, a corn tortilla and one other thing? The one other thing better be a meal.

They said my pancreas was unremarkable. The nerve. My pancreas is beautiful!

Every honest and thoughtfully thinking person now has Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Fear of loneliness is easily cured by spending some time with an asshole.

Strength-training, but it's just me carrying around the weight of my responsibilities

Always read the fine print.

Go live? Go dead inside.

next week has been exhausting

Sometimes you gotta let people think what they want to think, even when they are completely wrong

Serious question - do we have to pay our taxes this year? I mean if we all agree to not pay…

sorry, got sidetracked