Is it OK if I just quote the raven sparingly?

I like Shrinking but it’s kinda like if they made a TV show entirely out of graduation speeches

There’s a guy at work we call The Computer. He’s not smart or anything, it’s that if we leave him alone for 10 minutes he goes into sleep mode.

want to go in a time machine and tell 2004 me that the former co-host of the man show is somehow the most notable symbol of the first amendment right now

Very glad to once again be personally choosing not to watch Jimmy Kimmel Live instead of the government forcing that decision on me

Trump is aggressively ignorant. He does not learn, actively resists it, and has surrounded himself with people who enable his stupidity.

Unlike Biden, Trump *did* do that

Every SCOTUS ruling feels like America slowly writing its own obituary in Comic Sans.

This is like watching the 12th round of a fight that should have been stopped in the 10th.

“Instead, you should inject disinfectant.”

If you don’t know if it’s true, as President of the United States, maybe don’t say it? Ah, who am I kidding with this guy?

This is exactly what a baby trying to convince his doctor not to give him a shot would say.

hey there’s a little life left in the 4th estate after all

Thanks to his son, Robert F. Kennedy Sr was safer in the Ambassador hotel lobby in 1968 than the rest of us are anywhere in 2025.

Idk it feels like something is shifting. This tweet was also the language of the AP push alert, and just now the Times chimed in:

Trump will rage like a medieval king whose court jester has been restored despite royal displeasure. Expect frantic posts about fake news, deep state conspiracies, and threats against Disney's broadcast licenses. Nothing quite compares to an authoritarian's fury when his intimidation tactics fail.

This feels like the COVID-19 presser Déjà vu all over again. abcnews.go.com/US/abc-news-...

Tylenol is about to be rich from the Fed govt after the ABSOLUTELY for certain lawsuit

Tylenol is about to become a lot richer... Nothing like the President defaming your product with no legitimate research behind it.

super fun hearing my Vietnamese refugee parents talk about fleeing their own country again, very cool country we have here

fun to watch RFK in these press conferences and see that he is even more deranged than the president

So if I can't take Tylenol how do I resolve the pain from shoving a light up my ass while injecting bleach?

Jimmy Kimmel isn't returning to the airwaves because of "thoughtful conversations" with Disney executives. He's back because consumers sent Disney a clear message: selling out our fundamental rights is not an acceptable cost of doing business.

OK, so perhaps it IS finally the time to schedule that optometrist appointment since I thought that THIS 🫶🏼 was a crab emoji.

It would kinda be nice, though, if things could go back to the way they were when, say, all the internet had to worry about was how Linsdsay Lohan was doing.

Going to costco around the time of the rapture tomorrow so i can jump the line for hotdogs

Targeted boycotts are great, but might I also suggest holding a grudge forever.

The Jimmy Kimmel news dropping right before Trump and RFK Jr. were going to announce something wrong and stupid about autism is perfect. It will drown out their "big announcement."

So I guess now everyone is going to go back to talking about Regis Philbin walking off the Joey Bishop show.

A mediocre comedian getting his job back is pretty bleak as glimmers of hope go, but I guess we're not in a position to be choosy yet.

“Performative” feels like the perfect word for the right-wing #Fmaga folks.

So wait don't the evangelicals think the rapture will take trump?

I need an app that can tell me what I was thinking about 2 mins ago and now can’t remember

I’m glad Jimmy’s back. But Brendan Carr still needs to resign. www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/j...

every corporate decision comes down to money and clearly the economics for abc/disney outweighed the threats from the fascist government

Disney: over the last 72 hours we were shocked to discover that censorship isn’t cool.

I understand Miller doesn’t like being called Goebbels, but maybe - and I’m just spitballing here - he should stop plagiarizing Goebbels speeches

I had to mute “Charlie” due to recent events. Sorry if I miss your skeets about Charlie Brown, but it was necessary.

genuinely crazy to me how unitary executive advocates read the vesting clause as granting a huge scope of essentially royal "inherent" powers. one would think that if the framers intended to give the president royal authority, they would have just said so.

If the TikTok rapture takes Larry Ellison and the Murdochs, then it can’t happen too soon.

Super weird that my landlord won't let me pay him with bad vibes & ancient prophecies.

the cob exists only to slow the rate at which I am able to consume corn

I'm at the intersection of "we needed this rain" and "this is great napping weather"

Everybody at work seems beaten down, I wonder if it has anything to do with the constant beat downs.

look it's twitter in a can

Pregnant women want to protect their babies. But the trump regime falsely claims Tylenol causes harm—without science to back it. There’s no link to autism! Such fear may push women to riskier meds. Always talk to your OB-GYN about safe options during pregnancy.

Seeing people who are just not wired for anything but rage and schadenfreude try to figure out the performance of grief is genuinely anthropologically fascinating

“The idea that speech or thought contrary to the government line could trigger punishment is the dream of autocrats. Eventually, it makes enemies of everyone.” www.newyorker.com/magazine/202...

Missing from this analysis is the impact of corporate greed and ever-declining disposable income on demand; however, the article offers insight into business reliance on market stability, a critical supply factor. Our economy is in free fall with no safety net in sight. fortune.com/2025/09/21/b...

if they’re gonna treat this like a WWE event then someone really should’ve whacked him with a folding chair