What is your bluesky superlative? I was voted most likely to delete a banger

Skeet like no one is paying you.

Skeet like no one is paying attention.

I’m only here to be the sarcastic Canadian of your dreams.

I’d have more hobbies, but I don’t wanna subscribe to anything and I’m really honestly kind of cheap; I don’t want it to cost me anything.

quick question does being raptured count as PTO or sick leave

I’m this close 🤏 to purchasing a paint booth and an airless sprayer set up.

pls no more pop songs where they sing us the days of the week.

Get in losers, we’re celebrating the Sunday scaries.

Woke up sarcastic again.

Please don’t talk to me until after my Monday morning dread.

When running ahead of schedule, Murphy’s law dictates the categorical imperative that I lose my car keys and spend any extra time gained, combing the entire expanse of a hotel parking lot trying to find them. FML.

I want both. Good morning! 🩷

Smells like pumpkin spice spirit.

Don’t talk to me, talk to my butthole.

My spirit animal is a butthole.

Silently sits in the Bluesky corner watching, but paying no attention.

She’s a 10 but she’s difficult.

*sitting on his face* Do you think I’m difficult?

I'm pretty fluent in sign language. *gives you the middle finger*

*finger guns you with my middle fingers*

Hello, 911? I just took a shower at my bf’s and had to use bar soap. Send a crew post haste, thanks.

Maybe if we sniffed each others butts, like dogs do, we’d know ahead of time who is full of shit

Raptor > Rapture

Bluesky social politics summed up in one sentence by our haters:

How can we be soulmates if you don’t like my stupid jokes?

Thanks for the pity like, motherfucker.

People don’t shoop like they used to.

Orion at zenith this morning. Winter really is coming.

My point is you should reshare me more because I'm funny

*crickets chirping and then screaming what the fuck*

If you’re a nazi you have to tell me It’s the law now

Masturbating with my hand and I think at this point I've made fire

Gonna take an edible and come back as an inspirational account

When I was young, I convinced my mom that I should go to the later mass at church. My sister and I would be dropped off and we would walk into the first set of doors until she left. Then we’d go hang out by the railroad tracks until she came to pick us up.

i put the ‘me’ in Parmesan cheese

I haven’t had time to think lately and it’s really given me a lot to think about

Yes. My typos are also free speech.

Fact

I like weekends more than I like people.

i want someone that can make me happy.. not like normal happy more like the happiness a pig experiences when they find the perfect mud in the shade sort of happy.

For fuck sakes never ever forget that you remained gentle in a life that was anything but.. And that is why I loved you and swallowed you whole.. #brokenpoet

the opposite of woke is asleep and that's how they'd like us.

Best movie soundtrack? The Big Chill

You should be entitled to damages when someone fucks with your head

Not to brag but I had a snackkake last night.

All good spoonings involve the cuppidge of the boobbidge.

sighing so hard I collapse into myself like a dying star

If you love someone, set them free If they make it out of the woods and they aren't feral, you have a keeper

Lesson 101 Someday is just a word. Don't romanticize it. Death comes someday too..