So far today, Chuck Schumer has said his strategy for preventing Trump sending troops into blue cities is to win over Republican senators (!) while Hakeem Jeffries praised Eric Adams's courage and authenticity (!!) while refusing to endorse Mamdani. Again. These two gotta go.

Hakeem Jeffries twisting a huge dial labeled “appeasement” back and forth as he anxiously looks out at a crowd of consultants, waiting for them to boo or clap

Have fun online while it’s still legal to

That shit is why you left Keep moving forward

BREAKING: Legislation Has Been Filed to Put Charlie Kirk on U.S. Coin Currency, Tentatively Named BitchCoin

So, shootings all over the States this weekend, everywhere except Portland that apparently needs to be quelled for some reason. Idk.

Anti-ICE? Hey, you’re nice. Anti-trans? I’m throwing hands.

Brutalism in the streets, Art Nouveau in the sheets

I am absolutely certain that Sister Michael from Derry Girls is my soulmate

Five corporations control 90% of the US media market. Airlines merged from 12 major carriers in 1980 to 4 today. Four giants control 80% of meat processing. A handful of companies control the pharmaceutical industry. The evidence of corporate concentration is everywhere.

You know who needs to come to his senses? Desperado.

Gonna tell my kids that this is Lana Del Rey's husband

Even if Democrats were insisting that they wouldn’t fund the government unless Trump personally underwent gender reassignment surgery on live TV, that doesn’t change the fact that Republicans run the entire goddamn government. This is 100% on them.

My mother-in-law turns 90 today. 20 years ago my wife and I invited her to join us for a week in Paris. She accepted and I became the best son-in-law ever in the process. Today, she doesn't remember any of these things because of Dementia, but we do.

Eating at Arby's for only the third time and can't wait to see how it enriches what's left of my life.

Got a feeling that some Generals and Admirals will be 'retired' if they don't sign a loyalty oath to Trump.

JERUSALEM (AP) - In 'unprecedented operation,' Israeli army takes over mobile phones of Gaza residents to carry Netanyahu UN speech live. @apnews.com

Star Trek TNG costumes served an amount of cunt that humanity had never seen before and probably never will again.

Dave Matthews has the opportunity to do the funniest thing.

I'm not depressed, I'm just smart

Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries should run away together to Israel where their real interests lie

Nothing fuels a workout like a female rage playlist. I swear I could have bitten the handle off the kettlebell

If I were designing a superhero look for myself, it would be a turtleneck under a rugby shirt with stirrup pants and fold over faux suede ankle boots. And my power would be that I could immediately take you back to the 80s.

Ooh I thought you said “rad wife”

Satire was let go, as its position had become redundant.

Big naturals but it's just my balls.

The gym used to be more effective. For example, I used to go for about 6 weeks, achieve a complete reset and then be able to stop going until the next snug jeans crisis. Can't be that I'm now 45. Must be due to woke

It's way too humid for September. I should have been consulted

Opening my Shakespeare themed restaurant tonight - The Taming of the Stew.

Ahh damn, took a Tylenol this morning and I'm suddenly very interested in prime numbers

Acetaminophen is a beautiful name for an autistic girl

What the world needs now is more Etsy witches.

As America's most pro-business leader in a generation, I will choose one company each week and accuse them of witchcraft

So if I can't take Tylenol how do I resolve the pain from shoving a light up my ass while injecting bleach?

I guess Tylenol refused to pay a bribe.

researching a way to cure allistics

Erika Kirk is looking all kinds of thirsty and foolish

Being an airline pilot is like being both a cool bus driver and a lame astronaut.

Wrench is the dumbest way we could spell wrench.

Before you DM me, I should point out that I bear a striking resemblance to the pink Hungry Hungry Hippo.

I felt it in my bones when Lady Mary Crawley said 'I do love you, you know in my cold unfeeling way'

I’m kind of starting to think that any democratic uprising by the people is going to include a full-on rejection of tech and its makers. Just throwing these machines into a river and holding the designers responsible.

I can’t believe our society is going to be algorithmed to its doom.

It’s Inoperable, Charlie Brown

Every Canadian network broadcasting the Charlie Kirk memorial is telling you they don’t mind being the 51st state.

Aren't cheating husbands and unadulterated greed awesome! Yay us!