BREAKING: Scrooge McDuck is requesting government support to help guarantee his money pit is sufficiently deep for him to dive into and swim laps.

how is this real

Jesus fucking Christ

Remind people of this fact every fucking day.

WHICH WAY IS THE OVAL OFFICE?

I hope his wife and eldest daughter are labeled for him as well.

"The Republican Party has created an entirely avoidable mess for itself. By taking a resolute stand in favor of making healthcare unobtainable for many Americans, and now threatening to starve children to achieve that perverse goal, they have made performative cruelty their political calling card."

So either the president of the United States is lying to the public, or DOJ attorneys are lying to the judge. Neither of these things are good.

This is the president of the United States taking a break from gold-and-marble interior renovations to say he’ll defy a court order to feed hungry Americans. Nero would be proud.

Please don’t make “Ding dong the witch is dead” posts about Dick Cheney. It is disrespectful to witches, who are awesome.

Dick Cheney died on Election Day 25 years too late.

no self-respecting NYer is moving to fucking texas. the tech brunchlords regularly throw tantrums and screech about leaving SF when things don’t go their way. they’re (unfortunately) still here.

Fuck. RIP Donna Jean.

The GOP strategy is now “starve tens of millions of people until Democrats let us take away health insurance from millions of Americans.”

You could build a hideous ballroom with a list of things Trump doesn’t know.

I've given my new Senator a lot of shit on here. But I don't think anyone with power has laid out the stakes of what we're facing as clearly as she does right here. And if she's saying this, it's because she feels she must.

Me talking about my parents to my therapist

Happy Halloween from my large son and petite daughter who refused to wear the bat wings we got them.

[Meredith Brooks voice] 🎶 I’m a witch In a coven Bake your child In my oven 🎶

Coworker: Any plans for tonight? Me: Gonna hang out with my black cats, do some witchcraft, curse my enemies, frighten children… Coworker: Haha you must really love Halloween. Me: What the fuck is Halloween?

You should get paid overtime when you dream about work. They already steal most of your waking hours, how dare they infringe on your sleeping ones?

Even winning this year’s Halloween costume prize couldn’t ease Carol’s existential ennui. “Another October, another ghost, another shiny prize. Maybe a pig’s ear would cheer me. Ah nuts, who am I kidding.”

JD Vance, the second most powerful person in the country, makes a flatly racist comment about immigrants and barely any mainstream news orgs are writing about it? Kudos to my employer, USA TODAY, for unflinchingly allowing me to share my views. www.usatoday.com/story/opinio...

Slap this quote on the side of Air Force One, the White House, your front lawn, everywhere. We should hear this on every media outlet and echoing through the streets.

New in PN: 1984, Idiocracy version "Despite Trump’s desperate efforts to hypnotize people into believing his tariff bowel movements smell like sunshine and roses, a large majority of Americans are not enjoying the bouquet of rising prices when they go to the grocery store."

Missing the days when, if a scary masked man approached us on the street, WE pepper sprayed HIM, not the other way around.

Cheryl Hines physically restraining Bobby Jr., who has torn off his shirt and vowed to join the troop.

Maybe if we start calling Trump “Joe Biden” the media will report on his clear cognitive decline.

Starving people right before Thanksgiving is actually diabolical on every level imaginable. It's also the kind of cruelty people don't forget.

Announcement: Did you know I have 2 podcasts? One I host w/ @hegemommy.bsky.social and one I solo host. Subscribe to the one I host with Jess—Boom! Lawyered—and my solo pod B*tch, Listen automatically shows up in your feed. So please subscribe! My episode with Elie Mystal drops Thursday.

Deeply racist, yes, but also deeply stupid. Rural counties have higher enrollments than urban ones. Some of the largest enrollment states are red ones like Louisiana, Oklahoma and West Virginia. Undocumented immigrants are ineligible. Most beneficiaries are required to work 80 hrs/month.

Pregnant Women, DON’T TAKE PARENTING ADVICE FROM A CONVICTED FELON WHO OWNED A TEENAGE BEAUTY PAGEANT AND HAS SHUT DOWN THE GOVERNMENT TO HIDE THE FACT THAT HE WAS BEST FRIENDS WITH THE MOST NOTORIOUS CHILD RAPIST IN MODERN HISTORY.

This is why all the countdowns to Trump being out of office are absurd. If they have their way we will never have elections again.

Americans see record-high beef prices as cattle ranchers see Trump turn on them. Everything’s going great! www.usatoday.com/story/opinio...

Disabled Americans experience the highest rates of poverty of every marginalized group in America. 27% live below the poverty line (12% for ableds). Their median earnings are $18,865 compared to $28,983 for the abled. These numbers WILL get worse. If you can help you will save lives.

If you think Republicans losing their shit about Canada airing an ad with Reagan’s own words is crazy, let me remind you about the time that they lost their shit over NPR tweeting the Declaration of Independence on Independence Day.

"RFK Jr. to Personally Put Razor Blades in All Nation's Apples For Halloween"

The president announces an arbitrary price hike on Americans because his feelings are hurt by an ad accurately quoting Ronald Reagan’s criticism of tariffs

He basically 9/11-ed the White House.

I hear the Epstein Ballroom will be illuminated solely by gaslighting.

Still feels like Trump literally demolishing the White House is lazy writing and way too on the nose, even for a metaphor.

If given the chance, I'd lose my legs all over again to serve in our great military. The leader of your party is a five-time draft dodger who has fired more Veterans than any other president in our history. Square that circle then tell me who really hates our military.

Look it up, kids.

Trump’s White House more like Mount Olympdick

He’s going to demolish the whole White House and build a giant fake gold castle.

i will never understand how 77 million Americans thought empowering this was a good idea. our country was so lucky to survive his first term and he's much worse now.

the ghost of liberace is all "whew tone it down gurl"

Knew it!