What happens when you can't eyeball a 1" ball of dough.

It's extra cute when the kid falls asleep before I'm done reading the story.

The Ejaculation Proclamation is this anything

Vermillion Flycatcher. Arizona. Today's theme for the #birdoftheday is #birds&bugs and I immediately thought flycatcher! This one caught a large dragonfly and lost hold of ut. I was lucky to capture it diving to try and catch it again. #birds #wildlifephotography #animals #natute

Don't mind me, just over here feeling a little sad because I realize I'm not as involved with my daughter's girl scout troop this year so I'm not seeing the familiar faces who were starting to become friends.

It HAS been a long December. Now to take a big swig of my coffee and check the calendar....

dear peace monks, you don’t know me but DO NOT GET ON THAT BUS

When I'm driving and become the traffic calming:

The kids are becoming randonneurs.

Important and interesting info, but I don't think you should be able to use #spawnwatch if you're not providing news about comic book character Spawn.

Got called a cocksucker before 10AM today. How's your day going?

if you played sonic the hedgehog and put down the controller, sonic would look at you and tap his foot impatiently. this was proof that sega genesis cartridges had souls. the decision was made to make the storage cases a lot larger than the cartridges so they would have room to move around in there

So he admits he's fascist. He just didn't think his neighbor knew.

Do parents really do that "it's your turn to get up with the kid" thing?

The #birdoftheday theme today is #oddcouples so here is an unlikely pair: an #American #Bald #Eagle who had been diving in the #Bow #River in #Calgary and immediately gobbling his catch on the river's bank, and a #Magpie, waiting for the #raptor's leftovers. #bird 🪶 #birds #photography #nature #wild

She's so fucking awful. But I cracked up when she started talking meatloaf. Like Super Bowl party at my house. I got that meatloaf in the oven right now!

Sounds just like my ex-wife

BBC ANNOUNCER VOICE: Lewk. Layer. Hann. And of course Chyewbacker. You’ve seen their many travails through the coz-moss at the cinemah

Daughter was hike sick today (just stuffy and low grade fever). So she laid around watching TV all day, even though I tried to get her moving a couple times. Now it's bedtime and guess who wants to play?

Update. It's not bad. Not exactly what you expect from chicken and dumplings, but edible for sure.

When I took down my Christmas tree I didn't have the proper boxes for the lights and ornaments around, so I put them in a different tote. Now it's been weeks and I can't get myself to move everything to the right boxes.

Trying to make chicken and dumplings. Shouldn't be hard. But, while cooking the chicken i walked away and accidentally boiled away most of my broth. Should have ditched the plan then, but I pushed forward and now I'm certain the dish will be ruined. A whole chicken just wasted.

I like to imagine there's some kid out there who is obsessed with punting and is just loving this game.

Do not like that Ring commercial.

Oh another butt commercial

Did Mike Tyson say he used to weigh 345 lbs?

Somebody watch TPUSA halftime show and report back

Hi, it's me, Sam Malone from Cheers, but now I work at Dunkin'. Get a girlfriend or something, Will Hunting.

Am I remembering correctly that the dodge neon was introduced in a Super Bowl ad?

Everyone talking about the butts ad and I can't stop thinking about that damn bone-in "burger."

Did not know there was a series of these. I just like seeing Matthew McConaughey annoy Bradley Cooper.

You can say I eat like a child, but I prefer my burgers boneless.

Fuck. Am I gonna have to see this Draft Kings shit through the whole game?

Took my daughter to an IU Women's basketball game today, so I'm gonna be real smug about how I support Women's sports for a whole week.

Bad Bunny halftime show is gonna be bad. I say this not because he's "not American" or anything like that. But, I can only remember 2 halftime shows. Prince and Kendrick Lamar. Both short kings. Bad Bunny is like 5'11". Too tall. Sorry.

Was reading a "western" book and it mentioned beans and rice. So I came home and made red beans and rice and now I wish I'd made corn bread, too.

*Anti-bike lane NIMBY voice* Why do we have all this car infrastructure if no one is using it?

Ok. Why the fuck is Mark Wahlberg trying to get me to download a prayer app?

Dale Gribble refreshing bitcoin chart as John Redcorn drops his wife off out front

She loves to lie in my lap, but wants to do it like this. What the fuck is she trying to do?

I've known one Mongolian dude in my life and he was always looking 10/10. Maybe it's just their thing.

I am divorced (almost) dad. And sometimes I want to write about it on here, but I don't know how to make it not seem super sad/pathetic.

The speed at which i will come out of my office if someone brings donuts.

I need to start dating again just so I have the motivation to clean my place that last 10% more.

Feeling very Unaccomplished at my rapidly advancing middle age

I didn't read the post or listen, but Olberman looks like a specific rock guy here and I can't think of who. With those orange glasses and white hair. It's killing me that I place who he reminds me of. Not David Byrne, not one of the guys from Devo....but someone.

I hate IHOP, but at least they are passing our culture on to the younger generation.

Was trying to explain to my boss that there is something extra cursed or cursed in a specific way if you collect Pokémon cards AND have a copy of Mein Kampf on display. It FEELS right to me, but I couldn't explain why.

I've still never tried Jack-In-The-Box, because my mom forbid it after four kids died of E. coli in 1993 and now mothers are rubbing raw milk directly into their babies' measles.