Twitter, happier, more productive Ensconced, not posting too much

Shoulda gone one step farther, served lamb, amd called it Lettuce Souprise Ewe.

My eye keeps twitching. That means I'm lose stress and getting plenty of sleep, right?

On my drive to work I was briefly behind a cyclist riding on a winding 2 lane, 45 mph state highway with construction happening. I was worried for him. Luckily the drivers ahead of me gave him "enough" space. Then, I saw him signal his turn with a banana in his hand. Dude was totally unbothered.

Long weekend is almost over. Did I catch up on my work? No Did I do the many things I need to do at home? Maybe 10% So what did I do? Sat around thinking about how I should be more productive. Rode my bike Drank too much coffee Made veggie marinara and blueberry muffins

I let Dave Cheppelle bully my son because I don't want Dave to bully me.

The Merlin app is great. It has helped me ID a lot of birds. But all the pics it shows are nice, crisp profession photos. But I need some that are like, "here's what it looks like to the naked eye when it's flying 300 feet above your head."

Grogu! No!

On birdsky I just learned about a new bird and got my porn name

In case you're wondering, putting fruit on your ice cream does make it healthy. Even if you add whipped cream and chocolate syrup.

Having 3 straight days off while the kids are with their mom is not good for me. I have too much free time (even though i have plenty to do) and I don't know what to do with my nights when I don't have a kid to put to bed.

Seriously, what is the point of the social feed on venmo? Seems like it "could" be a way to spread the word about small businesses, but there's not enough info for that. So it's just "here's a list of people who didn't bother to make their transactions private."

Not true. In 2006, The Supreme Court ruled that honking is protected speech in Bobo v. Aerosmith.

Has anyone pointed out that the Indy 500 is the biggest left-leaning sport in the world?

Could you all yell at me a little bit? Not like when I got quoted by the menswear guy, but just a little bit? That's really what I'm seeking out.

Birds i saw on my 3 mile ride to the cafe (in no particular order): Sparrows House finch European starlings Mourning doves Robins Blue Jays Bluebird Redheaded woodpecker Brown thrasher Carolina chickadees

Spent today fixing & repainting my garage door, and then replacing the weather stripping on the bottom. My wife came out to help me slide in the new seal and as we're each standing on step stools... a baby deer walks around the corner of our house... and right up to us.

Can't wait until 2055 when I'll be explaing to my grandkids the difference between being milkshake ducked and being musicology ducked.

Hate going to therapy and it's a Greg Proops day

I usually don't criticize people using "alternative" transportation, but I just saw a dude on a busy 4 lane road on an electric scooter with his dog jogging along on a leash, and I just don't know about that one.

Sometimes making lists helps me stay organized. (Groundbreaking, I know). But now I'm at the point where I'm thinking I need to make a list of the lists I need to make.

Elder abuse is taken very seriously in Italy

charlie brown had four women express sincere romantic interest in him over the course of the 'peanuts' comic strip, two of which he even dated, and that's not even counting animated stuff. but i don't know how to express this as a point of discourse without calling a bunch of eight year olds "hos"

Saying "I have 2 bikes" to non-cyclists: mildly impressive. "OK, you must really like cycling." Saying "I have 2 bikes" to cyclists: embarrassing. "That's all?" "Are you really one of us?" "Did you just wreck one?"

Signed my child up for summer camp

Definitely worth a scroll. There's a few gems and a lot of abominations.

(Bored and just wanting to start something): recumbent bikes are not real bikes!

Gumby when he steps out of the Urkel Transformation Chamber

God damn I hate comments like this. American food is not some weird freak food that is especially poisonous.

Going through some old things from my parents' house and found my Bible I got for Confirmation 30 years ago. Apparently at some point I was researching Communism in the Bible

i just flew in from handjob island and boy are my arms tired

Me, around a mouthful of your protein Cheerios:

Watch out ladies. I got new glasses today.

I don't think the proper response to someone saying they want to jail and castrate a group of people is to suggest institutionalizing and drugging that person and a large group of others.

Just saw an old friend of mine did a fleche ride on a fixie. ~240 miles in ~24 hours with 7500 ft elevation gain with 4 riding mates. Sounds so fun.

Seeing people in the replies talking about "who would have guessed Nazi tattoo guy is problematic." And I gotta say, even if you believe he didn't know what the tattoo was, it's still way worse than a reddit joke about jerking off in a portapotty.

I can't help reading this like an angry midwesterner who is trying not to swear: "she had a G D bicycle waist on!"

I know it doesn’t work this way but I think if you get rejected by an AI you should get to try again with slightly tweaked keywords. Like a job application but also a roguelike

When you definitely know how to sleep in a normal position

The administration that did not give a yearly raise or bonus for the first time in years sent out an email saying "we've heard you that gas prices are a strain. Try carpooling and grouping your home visits geographically." What they have not done is raise our mileage reimbursement rate.

Got an email with a reminder about our dress code. "Shorts are permitted during office hours, but they must be thigh length." What does that mean? Aren't all shorts thigh length?

Those sandwiches look awfully thin to have 100 meats.

Am on call this weekend and had a dad who I've been getting to know through playdates say "hey, if you get called out and need someone to watch your kid, I can." And then I did get called out. And he did watch my kid and I don't know how to tell him how wonderful that is without being weird.

It’s not a top priority, but I’d like there to be a law that government agencies have to post updates on actual website in addition to whatever they put on social media. You shouldn’t need to have an account with Meta, X, or TikTok to get information that affects your safety.

sometimes I forget how silly 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys' would get and then I see a fire farting purple dragon in all its 1990s CGI glory

I'm not actually impressed when a Democrat smugly brags about his time as part of the US killing machine.

Weird how this regularly happens to cops and literally no one else

she’s in oakland, someone tell interpol

Man, the world is weird as hell sometimes