*old weirdo walks to podium in front of the world* “Advil makes your skelenton fall out”

No, the great thing about ALIEN: EARTH is that everyone — xenomorphs, eyeball aliens, flying acid bugs, robots, kid robots — come together to absolutely wreck humans because of our greed and hubris and then a Black Sabbath song plays. Who wants to root for humanity right now???

Not confirmed at this time but that’s the impression that I get

Zach, I’m with you 100% on this. Lil terrified me and still terrifies me

Celebrate The Rapture by playing the Left Behind computer game

The homeopathic cure for autism already exists

AUGIE: I can’t stay in Essex all m’life, pa. I got dreams. OLIVER: Dreams, d’ya? What dreams? AUGIE: Gaming. eSports. OLIVER: Bah. AUGIE: I weren’t made for the mines. OLIVER: And y’think I was, boy? Y’think I chose coal over Bubble Bobble? Weren’t no Bubble Bobble for dear old pa.

The solemn respect that the Rice Battle deserves

*me crossing the Rubicon* Wow, this is a great river!! I look forward to crossing it again coming back on this journey of no repercussion

Pulled a Mr. Belvedere

It does not matter that the FBI put $50,000 in stacks of cash on a plate in front of me while I was wearing a bib and I said “ooh, a bribe for the money monster, munch munch munch” and jokingly pretended to eat it. You need to look past this.

All these people acted like they made thoughtful politically-charged statements with slop like THE WINTER SOLDIER and CIVIL WAR but when their parent company bows to a fascist regime they do nothing — gimme a break. Soulless garbage made by soulless people.

Chris, no!! There are better ways to negotiate!

Yes, I’m aware Mercedes Ruehl has put a contract out on my life. No, I don’t know why. These things happen.

kenan thompson's sleepaway camp. jay mohr presents phantasm. caroline rhea's tales from the crypt presents demon knight. kevin meaney's pumpkinhead. paula poundstone's the house at the edge of the park. jonathan katz's spoorloos. to be clear i would happily watch all of these

The only bad thing about this is that they can blame the complete failure of their Tron movie starring Jared Leto on a boycott and not the the fact that it’s a Tron movie starring Jared Leto

Spongebob is in the files.

David Zaslav spends each day balancing the books of a major Hollywood studio. But at night he’s balancing something else: the scales of justice. Davis Zaslav is… ZAS Coming 2026 to HBO Max.

Michael Eisner acting like he wasn't also beholden to Sinclair media www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwG0...

Captain Crunch was at the helm of the Demeter. They found him strapped to the wheel.

This is funniest possible headline for a song literally called "Song for Bob Dylan"

My heroes

I had a dream last night where I was friends with Elvis Costello. I don’t think there was any deeper meaning I think I would just enjoy being friends with Elvis Costello.

Inside of you are two Wuhls

As someone very familiar with the many iconic appearances Lou Diamond Phillips made on The Soup back in the day I am telling everyone to start getting excited now for his pairing with Tim Robinson. It will be momentous.

insane guest pairing

Right now the world is run by a Council of Bads but what we need is a

Wow they caved to conservative pressure and cancelled Low Winter Sun

Of all the places to toss a frisbee around, which is best?

“Who Could Eat Toto?” and “Emerald City Hustlers (Get That Money)”

Sweet lil Sophie

Truly insane slopbait

I’m sure all celebrities will be leveraging their fame and fortune to fight back against the blatant authoritarian dismantling of their industry. The cast of THE AVENGERS: DOOMSDAY will refuse to work until Disney walks back this decision. Here it comes…any minute now…

Let’s see what great comedy Jimmy Fallon is producing

I know dogs who were session players on this thing. Bonesbury Howl. Barkin Bow-Wow. Sniff Rollyboy. Old pros. They all told me McGruff was high as hell the entire time in the studio. And mean. He pulled a gun on Bob Rock and told him to roll over.

ALIEN: EARTH is such great sicko entertainment. Anti-human, pro-alien and android, filled with fist-pumping Black Sabbath and Metallica needledrops. An hour a week to kick back, relax, and root against humanity.

i'm painting a train tunnel on a rock wall and telling a billionaire that running down the tunnel is going to extend his lifespan

Me when the Xenomorph punishes the folly of man:

The t-shirt they give you for your first few weeks as a new henchmen for the Burgess Meredith Penguin.

having The Forbidden Cereal (epsom salt in ragu)

The Searchlight Institute sounds like the villain organization in a dystopian YA novel called Torchteens

Buddy Ebsen slop

Another great Shane Black movie being dumped with no fanfare that in ten years will have everyone saying “why didn’t we get a sequel?” 🤦‍♂️