I think my jaw actually dropped. It was like being hit with a limit break of a type I'm immune to.

PowerWash Simulator is even more fun when you pretend it's a horror game about a working class dad desperately trying to escape a tense political conspiracy while being gangstalked by gnomes.

my hound has disappeared. has anyone seen her. she could be anywhere

if you'd like to do something nice for my birthday you could donate to make people's lives a bit easier

I may die of thirst

HAPPY FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING DAY TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE

Queen shit

I've been shouting about my latest story for a week, and I want to hear about YOURS. Tell me your favorite thing you published this year, especially if it's dark/literary fiction.

Maybe if Jack had made it to America instead of that useless bougie cunt we wouldn't have to suffer through this plague of ironic mullets and pedo staches.

Yeah, I'm down to clown. I'm cool to fool. I'm geronimo to pierrot. I'm a quester to jester. I'm vivace to Pagliacci

Day 135 of eating whatever the hell I want

okay they're definitely just fucking with me

Anyone else have nightmares about Trinny and Susannah assaulting you in the street and dressing you like an H&M mannequin while everyone you love and trust comments on how fat and ugly you are in an overlit fitting room that has a hundred more mirrors than is realistically possible? Just me? Okay.

I don't have a pitch I just think everyone should watch Novympia.

Wu Xie: If need be I can survive by drinking my own piss! Ah Ning: I can eat you and rehydrate with your blood.

me too bro

this fucking place doesn't even respect the few labels you can apply; nothing makes me want to delete my account here quite as much as having my nude figure studies constantly relabeled as either "porn", "sexually suggestive cartoons", or, bafflingly, "adult content, suggestive, no nudity"

Here them come The boys in the bright white sports car Waving their arms in the air Who do they think they are? And where did they get that car? There they go The boys in the bright white sports car Honking at all the girls It's jack-of-all-trades Stan And Jerry the garbageman - Shakespeare? Nay!

I got all of comedy's most toxic men together for this

Like ask them their position on strangers asking them about bottom surgery and they'll invariably answer with "what business is it of yours" but the moment someone proclaims that they don't want to medically transition it's their business somehow? It's just a bizarrely hypocritical position to take.

WHAT'S up YouTube, it's your boy Bartleby the Scrivener here, coming at you for another day of the I Would Prefer Not To challenge. Be sure to SMASH that subscribe button and hit that bell so you don't miss a single video. If you saw last week's video, you'll know I am now SLEEPING in the office.

uhh why don't you make like my preferred form of combat and turn based

we did it Joe

I imagine these weenies submitting their horror stories to me for an actual transgressive queer horror anthology and my edit notes are things like "I noticed you didn't include any incest or ageplay or anything like that. You okay bud? Everything fine at home?"

John Waters definitely wouldn't like me but I'd be incredibly disappointed if he did.

he who heaves the hoagie hallows all humanity

DOJ loses. They're not feeling sour, dough. Maybe that's a rye observation. Could be reuben them the wrong way. Not feeling like heroes, that's for sure. Might have to head to grinder to find some understanding. Hoagie.

I have never subscribed to the new york times but I would like to unsubscribe anyway. anti-subscribe. maybe I should start billing them every time I see their shit

A 2-dogpower oscillating JOY ENGINE

The nyt newsroom has tons of outstanding principled journos. I don’t know the reporter seeking the stories of young trans ppl denied care. I do know the newsroom leadership has a long record of spreading anti-trans disinformation and hate. The leaders will ensure any story furthers their bias

good morning

I also had to bite the bullet and change the link to this feed, so if you previously liked and pinned it, you'll need to do so again.

Where my fellow exploding sandwich truthers at?

If the sandwich don’t split, you must acquit

at this point it’s kind of a behavioral tic

Transsexuals who spend all their time talking about how the cis gays suck should watch The Boys In The Band (1970) and tell me history won't repeat itself once they have their rights with a straight face

concerning

"in frănce there is no, 'ow you say, racisme, not like in ze U.S. de A," and then one sentence later you learn a really specific slur for people from Maputo

Everybody's so creative

As a headsup for anyone on Vyvanse, you should go check your lot numbers. www.health.com/adhd-medicat...

In Flanders this is considered polite small talk while you're in line at the bakery.

Our next zine sub call is open December 1st through 7th with five themes you can write for: -Cunty Horrors -Cursed Concerts -Monstrous Dating Profiles -Batshit LinkedIn Posts -Nightmare Grifters Pay is 10 cents per word. #writingcommunity cursedmorsels.com/submission-c...

Look, I've been very nice about this but you have to read it. Do I need to come to your house and make you read it? Because I will.

Fag hag? Falling for gay men? Pathetic. Embarrassing. Be a man. No seriously be a man it helps a lot.

Watching politics wonks across the spectrum workshop juvenile nicknames for their political enemies feels like being in a comedy writers' room in hell.

I have to go outside today. This is the worst thing to ever happen to a good boy.

Seething with jealousy

Staten Island to send mayor Mamdani 500 of their strongest sons by midnight to serve as janissaries or he will sink the ferries.