if anyone else out there is struggling with the fireworks i suggest turning to the holy trinity: the dildo, the vibrator, and the harsh noise

slapped a sticker up in a pub toilet 50 miles away from home on thursday night and a pic of it has already found its way back to me. the degrees of separation in the community are very slight

highly recommend going to see sick shows with wonderful women who are hot and cool

want to lay down under the moon and be the hills, y'know. my skin the gorse and grasses, my fat and flesh the soil, my bones the rocks. my hair waving in the wind like that copse of trees over there. that kinda stuff

doesn't matter who or where you are in the world, your life was made worse by dick cheney. i hope he died in bone rotting fear. i hope he called out for his ma. i hope as he crossed the threshold he was met by the people he killed and that they began to peel him apart.

in a charity shop today they played an ad over the speakers for volunteers at "chr/aɪ/stmas". with a diphthong. like the fella himself. gotta say i did not enjoy it

i'd trade every film review written by every bluesky user for just a single taste of barry noman's pickled onions

i don't want to go to the event i want to go to the woods and dance naked around a fire and fall asleep in huddled warmth under a blanket in the ruins of a church with the starlight reaching down through the space where the roof used to be

maybe next year i'll remember in time to make a costume no one will recognise

o met ye not my true love, riding on the bonny bay ?

aye get him telt

"sign up for our next drop". nah i just wanna buy some cute pants. one step away from queueing up in front of a shop before opening. deranged.

sexy all is full of love video wow. can two robot björks necking on while being assembled by robotic armatures dribbling lubricants and shooting sparks be made sexy? gonna have to think on this

oh no i need to buy new bras

manifesto for my new political party: when you buy a meal deal item with a yellow sticker you can get the other two items and the yellow sticker discount will be removed from the price of the meal deal

the most surprising thing about that abigail thorn article is how many paragraphs it takes for her to start noshing herself off

i like two weeks after laser when i'm no longer really shaving, just using a razor to yank fried hair out of my skin

what delights are there for a dyke to see at the local lidl ah

you know my girl got that

i stand accused of terrible things

love to be a loud t-slur (whispering jokes in the dark with my girlfriend while watching a live scored ghost film)

they're selling hippie wigs in woolworths man

adding a second drummer makes your band twice as good. unless you're in the grateful dead in which case it makes you exactly as shit as before

cola bottles aye? hgv driver is he?

unsolicited pict pic

being upset is giving me a headache is triggering my tinnitus is giving me anxiety is making me retch is

on the way to my laser appointment this morning the uber driver told me it's a waste of money and i need to start doing it at home boy is my face red!

starting to think the only way to get over the feet-too-big-for-cute-shoes thing is to get some big ol' platform boots and play into my strength of looming over people like a bad bitch

Genuinely don't know if I'll be able to scrape the money together to make my surgery on the 8th of December My family pulled out of £2k they promised, for no reason 😖 Please help me share my fundraiser to try and get me through the door and have my surgery 🏳️‍⚧️🙏🏻🏳️‍⚧️🙏🏻🏳️‍⚧️ chuffed.org/project/1312...

alright let's do it lxds

not bothering to wait for the solstice. autumn has arrived with the chunk of lung butter i just hacked up

please give my girlfriend money or if you don't have any get your friends to give her theirs 🙏🏻

it's good when it happens to a cunt actually

I'm an unemployed mum from TERF island, I have a fundraiser to help me access the care I desperately need that the state won't give me. I'm hoping first to get vocal surgery, which costs approx £7000 and would help me so much Any shares much appreciated ❤️ chuffed.org/project/131234

been sketching knives. gonna go buy some cans and come home and sketch more knives

witnessed sommat special last night: two lads emerged from a kebab shop holding the same pizza box, and in their drunken excitement managed to get it upside down. it swung open like a trapdoor and the pizza fell out perfectly horizontal, cheese first, onto the pavement. the sound. gods, the sound.

wow waking up half in a dream feeling mildly blissful and then having the terrible mire of the last few days thrown back into focus all at once is shite. guess sleeping and dreaming is for idiots, won't be doing that anymore

my #1 sexual fantasy is i'm taking it prone and just about to cum when charn from through the dragon's eye bursts in and i squeal "oh no! please don't zap me and turn me into a puddle of slime, charn!" and he goes "oh, i wouldn't dream of it my dear" and smashes my head in with a brick

i'm gonna make salsa with plants people didn't want grown in a polytunnel no one was using. that's basically free salsa

I'll be dragged into the street and shot before I ever use a men's or third space toilet

day four (4) is going well

had a really great dream last night where people were taking drugs that allowed them to grow new limbs that could be harvested for donation/sale, and using detachable cybernetic limbs to get around while the new ones grew in

doing hot girl shit (cradling my tum as it constantly cramps, visiting the bog every hour and a half)

recipe for the best birthday morning: wake up next to a beautiful woman, her lovebug cat comes to bed for cuddles, fall back to sleep for another hour, beautiful woman makes delicious breakfast, then beautiful woman gives you wonderful thoughtful gifts that tell you how much she knows and loves you

all i need to do is start believing the lies again and never stop listening to yellow swans

rereading the new jgp piece to see what i might have missed from last night but it still seems to be about my parents having sex?

getting the release date of the new pharaoh overlord off by a week messed up my entire day. inconsequential inconvenience? no work today boss, brain is on strike.

kids today with their tengas and pocket pussies dont know how good theyve got it