I was scrolling down Tumblr and saw a piece of hetero romantic art and it actually made me stop in shock. Hetero romance on Tumblr dot com??

Guys, I'm really tired of the Wilhelm Scream turning up by obligation in EVERYTHING.

Playing this JRPG that's talking about something that happened 40 years ago in universe as if it was at least 100 years ago.

I'm 100% serious when I say that I'd turn down a free house (that I couldn't sell; perhaps in some weird leprechaun-genie situation), if it was in an HOA area. And before you speak: I'd sooner gargle razor blades than rent the place out and be a landlord.

sure, getting stuff done is great but have you ever embarked on three separate side quests instead

Cook Baker Dishwasher Server

Someone please tell me how many productive things I have to do on this, my second day off of a week's vacation, to absolve myself from spending the morning goofing off.

I wonder how many people realize you need to tighten screws once in awhile in your wooden chairs and things like that. I was tightening the screw for a loose cabinet handle and wondered how many people have a chair fall apart under them after years of subtle loosening.

Ray Bradbury was great at ideas but sheesh does he have a hard time writing a woman who isn't a miserable shrew. #readingnotes #TheLostCityofMars

As part of my evolution into an old woman who DGAF, I confess I ordered some foaming soap pumps you fit on a mason jar because I like mason jars. I'm not quite to the point of replacing every vessel in my life with a mason jar but I'm done pretending I don't like them. 😝

It’s a good thing that Urkel episode where he makes a machine to turn him from an annoying unpleasant man to smooth cool Stefan Urquelle didn’t air today or tech guys would spend 10 trillion dollars trying to make it for real

Diagrams I drew for my kid to show him how to fold stuff (so he can't claim he doesn't know).

open.substack.com/pub/ambermar... New short story (it's a spicy one).

>>Drop a crush from your youth

Finished this today (it would not let me go until I did). Recommended 👍🏻👍🏻

I'm very tempted to go to the grocery store and fill a cart with like $50 worth of distilled water.

I finally posted another blog! With Negatives character face reveals in Sims 4 style 😝 open.substack.com/pub/ambermar...

I fucking hate that streaming rights makes it so something won't even have a physical media option. It's especially cruel when it's something my kid loves to watch and the rights snap to some other streaming service we don't have.

It sounds sweet when parents say they wish they could take a kid's illness onto themselves instead, but mostly it's because we know we'd actually cooperate with the remedies and whimper and bitch way fucking less.

I wonder how all those brewed cacao businesses are doing with the cocoa shortage going on. 🤔

Let me just give a quick shoutout to modern medicine: you rock. Blinding pain in my banged up knee? One pill can fix that. My kid has a fever of 104F? One pill can fix that. Acid reflux so strong I could kill Wayne Knight like in Jurassic Park? One pill can fix that. Thank you, modern medicine.

When someone criticizes a recipe you shared and you know it's a skill issue but you just say "oh"

capitalism has reached its apex: a bunch of people nobody likes marketing a product nobody wants have been given absolute permission to fuck up stuff everybody needs

Post your contextless Photoshops

Today's lunchbox doodle

Finished my hot, explicit romance story and now going through the usual "okay, do I post it or not?" agonizing.

Age verification: I used to see red-dyed pistachios in the supermarket as a kid.

To anyone else trying to make heart-shaped pancakes today: don't try to draw a heart. Use a measuring cup with a spout and pour heavier on the bulb part, taper to the end. Do that twice. You have a heart.

why aren't there fall olympics. pumpkin throwing. leaf jump. postseason baseball

it’s above 40 degrees in february and so I am unfortunately spring-pilled. I’ve got the windows open and I’m thinking about clearing off the grill. I am confident this heatwave will continue forever and I will not have my heart broken by another 48 inches of snow in march

So I'm not in any starter packs but I'm in a recommended mute list called "drama" so, y'know, fair.

Today's lunchbox doodle (kiddo has his first school dance tonight! 🥹)

Oh yeah, here's today's lunchbox doodle, belatedly:

In my continuing saga of hating winter, we now have an ice dam causing water to drip from the frame of our kitchen window. 🫠

I dunno, probably Matt? (He was part of my friend group but we weren't close friends). Matt Krol — The Movie Database (TMDB) share.google/Ew60jFYmlOuS...

I'm such a socialist I redistribute the pepperoni on the frozen pizza before baking it.

"Hey, good news, Paul Verhoeven wants to option your sci-fi novella for adaptation into a film!" "An...EARNEST adaptation?" "..." "Oh no, I'm totally out of touch and my book proves the opposite of what I thought, doesn't it?" "yuh-huh. Ya been hoevened."

This is absolutely INFURIATING because it is so relentless, and yet it's still... it's still KIND of funny because honestly who is out there trying to get money from WRITERS, that's like holding a cup underneath a Bigmouth Billy Bass and hoping for caviar to come out

🤣 Oh Monsieur...

The best time to eat high fiber/high protein/low fun stuff snacks is when you're at work and so starving that unsalted pumpkin seeds are just the filler you need to shut your stomach up for another hour.

American health insurance is like paying protection money to a malevolent demon who is just waiting for you to leave a rune unfinished or stutter an incantation so they can devour your soul.

If I'm so fucking smart then why did I do arm day the day before having to shovel out of another storm?

The birb is me. Today's lunchbox doodle.

According to my coworkers, the kids have this "red Tuesday" thing where the Tuesday before Valentine's is a popular day to dump someone before the holiday. I did see more than one kid with red, swollen eyes come through the lunch line today. 🤔

Every self pub place increasing their payment threshold virtually guarantees I'll never get paid for anything. 🫠

I have a goddamn Maroon 5 song stuck in my head so I hope Adam whatshisnuts gets like a Kid Rock song stuck in his head today.

The problem with making lattes all the time is having to chug one when I'm running behind.

Today's lunchbox doodle

Dental insurance is great because sometimes they say I’ve already paid for three months in the future and sometimes they say I owe them for two months and it might be cancelled and sometimes they never take my payment at all, I think they just randomly pick one like it’s a fortune cookie