Nice post you got there, it'd be a shame if I deliberately missed your point so I could be tedious about it

still unsure why we have a light soy sauce and a dark soy sauce

I remember the days when you had to get 13 likes to brush your teeth

@pfrazee.com @samuel.bsky.team @hailey.at @esb.lol hey we got a simulation containment breach

big sigh of relief as the updated calendar event says the rapture has been pushed to next week

they should have a "no turn on red" of the left

guys guys guys guys guys

constitutionally incapable of reading this as anything other than “m-e-t-h-o-d MEN”

closing my daily exercise ring by hitting 10,000 scrolls

critics rave,

we’re back on track, folks!

disney adults showing up like the end of avengers endgame

party rock being in the house tonight implies the existence of party ska being in another house this very same night

wanna feel old? she's a middle-aged, VP of Operations dirtbag now

rip robert redford you would have loved paul newman

At the DudeSpa today. Sat in Monster Energy steam for half an hour and now they're putting Zyn packets on my eyelids. So amped up

you know you can just eat a slice of quiche at any point in the day. no one can stop you. you can just do that

they should invent a potato peeler you can find

why does NSAID and açaí rhyme in my head

note: i am no longer accepting followers who have purchased an iphone air

ironing is a ploy by Big Wrinkle to sell more wrinkles

hi your honor jerry said he's my dad

america is ready for a president that’s a bulbasaur

hi your honor i'm dad

more, dumber

MORE MEETINGS FOR THE MEETINGS GOD!!

For reasons I cannot sufficiently explain I have Yassified JFK

We're excited to share a sneak preview behind the curtains of the next service Graze will be releasing - read more about it on @leaflet.pub!

not KATSEYE showing up on the autogenerated 2000s nu-metal playlist

happy tron: ares soundtrack release day for all those who celebrate

Good morning cold beach morning

I’m untaggable? I’m free. I’m freeee

me: what if there were dog mermaids? husband: did you just invent seals?

packing kids lunches is always like, hey food—see most of you later today

Breaking: Disney Adult Now VPN Grownup

(mary poppins voice)

and i'm the guy at the one house party everyone is yelling "jerry no" at

all deleted posts are fed into the post reprocessing plant

Can I just get one normal day to focus on my own little problems

Sorry for party rocking your honor

In Kpop Demon Hunters 2, our favorite idols fight the demon called The United States

hey whose turn is it this week to update #slang in the gen alpha parents discord

they should make a human sized printer so I can hop in there for large format temp tattoos

Team Jimmy Kimmel,,, that guys my family.

(taking dental x-rays) okay now let's do a silly one

Nothing I love more than being in a vulnerable position at the dentist’s office with pointy tools digging into my gums and they say “by the way we’re using AI now to identify your pre-cavities”

long overdue