when insane shit kicks off at your retail job

[after getting thrown out of your friend's dinner party for saying stupid shit and pissing everyone off] the problem is that you people want to be ensconced in a bubble,

this weekend is one of the most sacred kinds of observances in our country, a hot dog holiday

9 years ago, i came out to my wife as nonbinary because i thought it was too late & i could survive it “as a compromise” (not how gender works). ~4 years ago, i came out to her again like, “but it’s way too late now; i wouldn’t survive full-on transition.” 3 years ago today, i did my first shot. 🎂

my dog loves to huff and scoff at people walking by like a guard dog who protects the house by hurting people’s feelings

he’s hiding

Charles A. Murray working on his tight 5 for the late show with bari weiss

CBS replaces the late show with the Mickey Rooney parts of Breakfast at Tiffany’s on loop

lol widow’s bay hive rise up

#BREAKING U.S. Attorney Andrew Boutros annoucnes that charges against the remaining members of the "Broadview Six" will be dismissed with prejudice.

the pedo slush fund might be the last straw that turns me into dale gribble

I wrote about Colbert and what it’s like being a late night writer wondering if your profession will continue to exist

she has since been awarded $1.8B for her suffering

The Replacements gets funnier as Jon Favreau makes more Disney money every year

indignant after bath

Ahmadinejad? The NBA commentator?

Marx failed to anticipate the Chalupa Supreme

Think Tank Called ‘The Himmler Institute’ Assures Nation This All Legal https://bit.ly/44aNdkq

“His actions without a doubt delayed, distracted and ultimately deterred these two individuals from gaining access to the greater areas of the mosque where as many as 140 kids were within 15ft of these suspects”

(beatboxing) beans and oats and beans and oats and beans and oats and

they encouraged us to post third-person status updates, if that ain’t the devil’s work I don’t know what is

old gem for posters of a certain age

remember that east village bar that had 5 shots for $10? I’ve been Patricia

god bless this place

wanna feel old, this is the Chernobyl elephant’s foot today

Iraq war speedrun confirmed

Widow's Bay fucks and by that I mean they got Stephen Root and they know how to use him

who is that tall dude

a whole Buffalo Wild Wings yelling “sacrebleu”

Mon dieu, à la Caitlin Clark? on y va, ouaaaaaaiis!!

I’m the photographer with glasses behind her

Every Kash Patel story

can’t these racist weirdos just be normal and get mad at the Odyssey movie armor for being wrong or some shit

I was very into him in his Atonement era and my friends made fun of me for liking the “goat man” and now I still get “happy birthday from the goat man” every year

Especially when Jason was RIGHT THERE. It’s not so much that he’s called Jason and looks the part, it’s that he has Peak Odysseus Energy. A chaos monkey who got lost for 14 years on a trip that would’ve taken a month had he walked.

you’re welcome to use the kitchen as long as you pay the snack toll

"I have cryogenically frozen my penis and filed it down to a fleshy icicle to replace any feminine roundness on my body with a masculine point."

i don’t take myself seriously, so my first urge is to make fun of the fact that i made the Time100 Philanthropy list. but i really am honored. not just to be on a fancy list (w/my buds Messi and Shakira) and have my work seen, but to have gotten to help people in the place i love so much

Matt gaetz always up for a minor chance

I love chorizo as much as the next gal but getting mad at a potato, egg, and cheese taco is the most unamerican shit I’ve ever heard www.nytimes.com/2026/05/14/u...

me and 3 dachshunds raising hell around town on this bad boy

I wonder how it feels to go to bed at night thinking about how you recorded a snarky down-the-barrel takedown of a program costing 30x less than your boss’s second wedding that helps little babies. I wonder if you feel a little sad, a little empty. I wonder if you feel anything at all

I thought putting on an airy lil chambray shirt and buying plants at the nursery would fix me and you know what? It did

this would just be on at 1AM when you were alone with your thoughts and no social media youtu.be/HGpI72vIeJ8?...

this was peak late night youtu.be/atijWqBG7Vw?...

There’s a good slow burn UK crime show called Criminal Record (Peter Capaldi and Cush Jumbo both excellent) and season 2 has a British Alex Jones lol

The relevant portion of the Jason Collins discussion