Cut to Meghan Markle snoring in the sunroom with a straw hat over her eyes

ok fine the windsors have done a couple of good things

I hope they put Andrew in the Tower of London for tourists to jeer at

let’s fucking goooo

where I post from

how I’m trying to be (found on wiki “cultural depictions of dogs”)

Kitsch and Ethique both work a dream for me, highly recommend them for hair products

RIP Tom Noonan, a friend for 18 years. Often typecast as villains, he was an actor's actor, a unique playwright & filmmaker, a gifted composer, and a pianist with a sweet voice. My kids & I used to go to his tiny apartment for dinner (pizza). We'd have a few drinks & he'd start to play. Magic.

running shoe designers are like “teeth? you want foot teeth? I think u want foot teeth”

RFK Jr has turned one of those impossible colors like greenish-yellow purple that none of us are supposed to be perceiving

I’m going to start drinking seed oil straight from the bottle

I don’t think their sexuality is any of my business but ok

there’s a whole different America out there posting on Threads

clifford the big red dog taking out all the avengers with one anxiety dump

found out I was great at skeleton when I fell down a trash chute and the rest is history, thanks for dropping me mom

Skeleton looks like the American version of the euthanasia rollercoaster that horrifies other countries

had a very respectful chat about theology tonight

I mean, good but also lol

The gods had condemned Sisyphus to eternally rolling a rock from “it’s so over” to “we’re so back”

they’ve lost callaway hat dads 10-45 they’ve lost callaway hat dads do you copy

mf winding up like popeye

ugh driving my friend to The Pitt because they have a hot button social issue stuck up their butt again

Hearing rumors the Duke of Milan has lost his title (again)

We need him now more than ever. Protect the hive!

my new job at the EPA is to hunt and destroy every last goddamn bee they’ve ever saved

he was in the files

Being on the line and seeing her through the kitchen window is like catching a glimpse of something huge through the porthole of a submarine

Pam Bondi really triggering that fight or flight for anyone who’s ever worked a cash register

I think I get curling now, the louder you yell at the rock the better your score

gem from a couple years ago

making a list of american institutions that are meeting this moment, and so far I've got burning man and paleontology down here... guess we're rebuilding society around the study of dinosaur bones and doing drugs in the desert

find something funny -> I should show people this -> i bet everyone’s already seen it -> yep several million people already -> that’s not enough youtu.be/66yH8RZSwUc?...

Walker should let some of the other guys play too, their moms are watching

imagine this being grandma and grandpa’s wedding tape

good time to bring back this all timer:

Horror movie where you can tell someone’s a demon because pop music in Spanish makes their head explode

(engaged in a culture war to the death) I like it when pop stars put on a good show and people are happy

Bad Bunny did a good job, but failed to call Drake a pedophile.

being maga truly is just hating everything actually good about America

Bad bunny, easily one of the funnier artist names for people to get big mad at

damn this is a SHOW

"baila baila sin miedo! ama sin miedo"! and the sugarcane intro. hard not to fuck with this guy

i bet on a fully unvaccinated puppy bowl and I am now a millionaire

(your dad punching a hole in the wall) these goddamn puppies fucked up my parlay

They got real guys running around on tv for this online gambling event

normal person: hey man you gotta try these wings weird guy: the Super Bowl is woke now, I’m watching the toilet paper USA show

the Winter Olympics aka a convention of super hot fit athletes plus also few that look like accounts payable specialists