why

“balloonplant”? I guess, if you’re a coward

this is the one

I’m cold stratifying the milkweed seeds, I’m caterpillarcore, we’re butterflymaxxing, in my Lepidopt-era

I think J.J.'s gonna be real happy with this one.

I know Chris Cuomo has been furiously wolfing down handfuls of cold cuts in the NewsNation break room all day

cuomo giving the silent nod for catering to bring out the arsenic meatballs

god imagine how good it would feel to molt

man oh man would I love to move to New York this year

Can’t help getting misty eyed over the first Hinge married mayor of nyc

So-called “socialist” Zohran Mamdani wears shoes in the snow

Rama Duwaji is such an inspiration to aloof women everywhere

sometimes I’ll give a dog a potato chip and they’re so hyped I can’t believe I’ve ever been sad

I think about this more often than I should

(quietly, just between you and me) I actually had a really good year, I’m proud of my work, and I got paid for comedy writing for the very first time

tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999 (i’m scared of computer)

Stranger things cast stuns on new AARP magazine cover

dust bowl farmer: it’s raining, men! hallelujah!!

I’ve seen headstones more festive than this

Beautiful brindle girl on Kentmere 400 @ 800

pour one out

wishing you all peace and joy in the new year by which I mean stomp your problems to death, stay alive to be petty, destroy what destroys you

I want to do more comedy writing in 2026 and I’d love to write late night stuff someday. If you hear of any writing submission opportunities in that area please let me know! Email is on my website amyash.me, or DM here.

Opened my copy of The Onion and I looked to see who I recognized from on here. Noticed @lolennui.bsky.social is listed twice. I'm assuming it's due credit rather than a simple scrivener's error, but expecting a full refund if that's what it turns out to be

[Reposted by Vice President JD Vance] Minnesotan here, i witnessed fraud at the dick sucking factory abd also ur mom was there

Single episode bob’s burgers ass villains

Irish Trump, the SNL cold open that finally drives Kenan to walk away

I’m afraid showing up to a random daycare and demanding to look at the children is an automatic fail of the “act normal” test, better luck next time

Health Speculations Swirl As Trump Seen With Damage Numbers Above Head https://theonion.com/health-speculations-swirl-as-trump-seen-with-damage-numbers-above-head/

This is MTG'w bill. She personally authored. It's happening now, not in the past. Spare me her redemption arc.

me hitting like on this with my greasy taco bell fingers, slurping my baja blast zero

another great day of eating oats. really no bad ones yet when it comes to oats. I’ll keep u posted.

As soon as I told you guys I love my Pentax 928 it died so I’m back to my old sidearm. My Ricoh Ff-3 is loud and the self timer beeps like a tsunami siren but it has manual iso up to 1000 and flash control. Really reliable little guy.

Never ask a woman her age, a man his salary, or Brigitte Bardot what she thinks about “race mixing”

Thank you, New York Times. I too agree that The Onion had the same level of cultural impact this year that Sabrina Carpenter did.

two conversations happening all over oklahoma this week: 1. hottest christmas week in living memory, 30 degrees over seasonal average 2. hey hey, gas under two bucks a gallon

Sing us a song, you're the piano man Sing us a song or else

Minolta Maxxum 70 has been my most used camera this year, big shout out to plastic blob cameras

Never forget the true reason for the season en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feast_o...

well this is it guys, I found my big break

and tiny tim, whose insulin was not available on Cost Plus Drugs dot com

flesh rent asunder. the agony of perverse contortion aflame behind the eyes. against god.

Very proud to end the year on this, if a little troubled to learn I have to go fight and neutralize Amy Ash 2

merry christmas, my gf got us a print sub to @theonion.com and gave it to me like this

butt buds

look at this crazy jello my mom makes

got my kid a subscription to the onion print edition and he spent some time yesterday walking in and out of the room to show me what he thought were the funniest parts

Bolsonaro hospitalized for hospital withdrawal