Current issue of @theonion.com nails it again.

A Lions fan using the words "government name" and saying that's what got DK to take a swipe at him. I mean yikes. Maybe it's because the franchise has been off the radar for so long, but is this the general median DET fan? Or is it the Hulk Hogan at training camp/ASRB Trump dance vibes spreading

Gainwell hive alive and well we been here forever

The Jaguars being good has been a super fun addition to football this year. I wish Travis Hunter was healthy though.

It would be so crazy if one of the many many many people who worked on this piece and have a cut of it just uploaded it to YouTube or whatever

Exactly

Best player in the NFL is Bijan Robinson. He's the guy I'm building a franchise around.

When keeping it real goes wrong

Lmaoooo media is cooked through. What was that quote about journalism being telling people things they don't want to hear but need to and everything else is public relations

Announcer in the Broncos-Jaguars game: "Sean Payton is not into analytics. He's about people."

When he's not injured, he's mid, but he's often injured, so now what

<Chris Berman voice> Things To Do In Denver When You DOINK

Haha

1981 Toyota Pickup 4×4 5-Speed

I like him as the Knicks Fan more than any other role he's in. I like him as a dude but I'm meh on him as an actor.

I hope ghosts are real so Charlie Kirk can see all this shit lol

Other Tom Haverford ideas you might not have tried: White Fur Earmuffs For Men A Phone That Smells Good Club Eclipse Only Open Twice a Year Department Store with a Guest List LASIK for Fingernails

jaxson farts stat line oh my god

Baker threw it directly to a Carolina Panther. Someone ran the wrong route

When you ask your kids who painted the cat

Baker on a 2 minute drill this gonna be fun. He's gonna scamper for at least one snap and it's gonna be hilarious

Shedeur sacked on 4th and 2

How is adding more cars to the roads the answer. Robot cars are still cars and we're seeing pretty clearly that they can't handle the job. So we're just adding more drivers; worse drivers.

His wife and kids, though

The fact that Jim Harbaugh looks exactly like the pervert teacher banging the student in Election doesn't help

Sideline reporter in the Cincy game just said Burrow is gonna meet up with Matthew Stafford after the season to ask him how he was able to rejuvenate his career and uhhhhhhh

the bryce young contract year will tear society apart

Trump is gonna sell THREEPEAT impeachment shirts

Bryce only makes high leverage low percentage 4th down throws

This was one of the very first "street dates" for a video game release and I remember our local Suncoast Video got their delivery on the Friday before and just put them out for sale because they didn't get the same message EB/Toys R Us got not to sell before Monday. I played that shit all weekend.

No. She's a background actor given lead roles because she looks like a sleepy Barbie. Glen Powell is her Wario

Cam Cam Cam

This could be about Nicki or the NYT frankly

Cam Ward is my favorite quarterback

Oh noooo

Did he hurt himself doing the griddy

Hahaha

Up there with Gesicki for the worst griddy of all time

See now this is cool

Announcer: Jake Paul says, just like his favorite artist, Drake.. Wife: oh he's gonna lose

All I'm saying is the Michigan haters have been right all along. This entire program is rotten to the core. Harbaugh established this culture and then peaced out when he was about to get busted. Dude is a menace.

The AI museum commercial cracks me up. How would they have known that’s a tile and not a book if not for their phones? Surely there’s nothing in the museum RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR FACES that explains this!

If someone somewhere at some point punched Tim Kaine in the face in public I would probably share that story or give it a like

Absolutely no one is worth the bullshit that comes along with all this. Especially with the insane bullshit the administration and ICE is bringing to Chicago every day

The Grinch Who Performed an Emergency Appendectomy on the Elevator

Producer: Is he ready to go? Where's Tom Make up: He keeps smearing his foundation. Keeps wailing in the chair saying "Karate man stole my wife"

Holy shit this paragraph is about the sitting President of the United States of America