imagine how much better life would be-- by factors-- if trains transporting milk and whatever were like just a series of cow-shaped train cars

I have encountered landlords that have asked for bank account login credentials. I have encountered others with the moderated stance, upon denial of said credentials, of screenshotting your bank account dashboard. Others moderate further by demanding the two years of pay stubs.

chilling in my new armor i got from [lowers shades] defending farmers

JACKDAW CREW :🎵the best part of a sailors life for me/is how im gonna be dead at the bottom of the sea/tossed overboard by a shatterin wave/in poseidons grasp/to a watery grave/HI HO!/we're gonna be dead/we're gonna be dead from sailing!🎶 EDWARD KENWAY: can you sing something else

i accidentally became 10000 feet tall and hit my head on a plane

JIN SAKAI: looks like we found some new members of that "Blame Ishikawa First Society" you keep talking about SENSEI ISHIKAWA: would you please just shut up and help me look for horse tracks

They should release something healthy into the atmosphere

They Did Surgery On A Cat, And Now His Sister Is Being A Dick To Him Because He Smells Weird Now

cop passing out after touching a lettuce leaf

i go to shrine every god damn sunday and you're gonna bring the demons out of me?!

front yard putting on a mushroom display right now

john c reilly is probably the second most evil guy in magnolia

a thing that’s darkly funny about this women’s clinic missing all these pregnancies is usually the doctor throws a pregnancy test at you just for breathing. you could go to the hospital with a knife in your eye and they’d be like regarding the knife in your eye is there any chance you’re pregnant

legislators, regulators, judges, lawyers in unison: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Spending A FULL 24 Hours Having Sex With My NYC Cab Driver

This is what it looks like right now in Chicago

bro shut UP i dont even CARE

just saw your girl slow blinking at a stray cat

Leading Metallica Scholars Have Long Proposed That Your Lifestyle Determines Your Deathstyle. Experts Aren't So Sure

The only valid videogames r the deerhunter ones with a full sized plastic rifle at the movie theatre

The whole internet loves The Meme Movie, a lovely low budget movie based on your favorite online content! *5 seconds later* We regret to inform you that your favorite online content is property of Comcast Sony Walt Disney Corporation. you have 24 hrs to remove it from the internet or face litigation

havin a laff at the very idea of it

my new idea for time zones. whenever you wake up, that's 9 am. and whenever you go to sleep that's 9 pm. time is no longer a fixed point. you can follow the sun or you can follow your heart. the choice is yours

new favorite category of mod im seeing is ones that replace combat tutorial videos in the menu with nws hentai/fanart in case you get tired from questing and want to take a j/o break but dont feel strongly enough about it to close the game

hes super thrilled about how we killed a bunch of guys, and took all their shit

Egg yolk.

a warrior must have a clean and warm ass

r/cigarettes The first cigarette I ever smoked was AWESOME! Now that I smoke 2 packs a day, I get nothing! What gives?

VOSS: ha ha ha ha ha! it is USELESS dr jones! you cannot escape unless you are somehow able to, i do not know, jump TWICE! which, now that i mention it i would very much like to see... INDIANA JONES: then i bet you're gonna love this [TRIUMPHANT FANFARE] VOSS: WHAT

what about bob is the best movie ever made about how terrible it would be if bill murray came to your house

EDWARD KENWAY: think of it adi! a league of pirate nations! well write our own compacts! sail where we want! no british or spanish to tell us what we cant blow up! we can lay down in the street when we are tired! ADEWALE: not being able to do what you want all the time is a real drag, this is true

just because the pancor jackhammer isnt real doesnt mean it should have stopped being in games

i love it when i turn into a line on a map that is animated to represent a journey

Marmalade Update: marmo is obsessed with my parents old smelly dog. Its her boyfriend

interviewer: so what's your process like 90s era The Prodigy: well first we say to each other "these drum samples are good" interviewer: mmhm the prodigy: and then we say "but what if they were even better" interviewer: right the prodigy: do that 12 times then we have a song

breaking news lindsey grahams corpse keeps on exploding

A slave patrol argument if ever there was one. The free movement of racialized people does not make them intrinsically dangerous. That is a racist lie designed to promote terror & legitimize violence & plunder.

You crushed your morning ride and crushed your usual pace. You’re crushing your Spanish lessons. You crushed 1100 calories at lunch. You crushed your penis in the car door

he prevailed... earthrealm is saved

quarterly yearnings call

[playing a game produced by multiple international teams of over a thousand people] ugh, I hope this doesn’t have DEI in it

going to an anyonymous meet up at the shipyard to get All Sails Filled

🎶darlin won’t you please fill my bowl🎵

Today ICE fatally shot a 26-year-old Colombian man in Biddeford, Maine. This is the 11th person they’ve murdered this year—that we know of. He did everything he was supposed to. He was authorized to work in the US. He served his community. ICE still murdered him in broad daylight. Abolish ICE.

lindsey ounce

"This One Trick Proves JIF Doesn't Want You Making Your Own Peanut Butter" is the trick that they want you to buy peanut butter instead of not buying it

aw jeez