at this round of the 12th dimensional chess game of american politics: we'll jsut sacrifice a few pawns, and be able to take their queen. oh they appear to be stabbing us now. thats really nto allo--

hwo is not evreybody yellin some shit right nwo

first it's pensions, then it's healthcare, then vacation, finally it's the wages, pretty soon you're just going to one box to work all day for no money and going to another to get the rest of snap to eat, which sounds a lot like how they described the soviet union to me in the 80s but what do i know

sorry sorry im better now

EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING STUPID

I'm afraid of talking to bank tellers because what if one of them reads my mind and can see my intrusive thought crime of robbing a bank

a big titty succubus is a haunting you constantly pray for, a nightmare you hope never ends ❤️‍🔥👹

Colorado stays winning

anyone who reposts this skeet gets a piece of my body to display on their mantle AFTER I die

i thawed them for fifteen and then cronched my way thruogh, liek an impatient champion

Hygge-galactic: Horny on Holiday Collection’s feature design is the BIMBO/HIMBO/THEMBO Crew Sweatshirt! This high-quality, mid-weight, ultra soft cotton/polyester blend fleece sweatshirt is available in your choice of 5 colors to keep you cozy and cunty all winter long. 💖❄️💅🏻✨

Hey, I'm going to be honest, I've had some rotten luck these last couple months. About three different projects got cancelled, so, if you need covers, pages, posters, album art, and you like my style, please consider hiring me. Portfolio: lanelloyd.crevado.com/cover-work

Aw shit, it's the Inuyasha bit that lead to my single most popular Tweet back on the Other Site

I will stand by, this remains the funniest mistranslation in manga localization history

i got frozen pbj sandwiches btu heres a thing that sucks about them: i have to thaw them for an hour before i can eat them adn im hungry right now

I love coyotes, their default way of greeting someone is to make the most unhinged, gutteral noises they possibly can, and I see a lot of kinship in that

i wish i could apply myself better

My trailer for a nostalgia-drenched, unfunny family-focused Austin Powers reboot, ala Ghostbusters: faint orchestral rendition of that bossa nova song. A kid wearing the glasses discovering a dusty Swedish penis pump in an attic. Liz Hurley in old lady makeup saying "Your grandpa..was very horny.."

im so grateful i got my mmr titer and a booster because, while incredibly immune to measles, i was highly vulnerable to mumps

gyms should make friends with other buildings and spam them instead "come to the gym" "ok come to the library" "i will if you come to the gym" "no come to the library first"

The Supreme Court is expected to rule Tuesday on a request from President Donald Trump’s administration to keep blocking states from providing full Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program benefits, arguing the money might be needed elsewhere. https://to.pbs.org/4hTnTGb

buying the $250 extra-long iPhone Pocket Pouch incase i ever get ordered to gorilla glass the fuck out of a substandard marine

HI SANDY HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL

i hate my gym for constantly messaging me all like "come to the gym"

made overnight oats but added too much vanilla extract and nwo they taste bad

I owe everybody a final Kit update! She is back to her old self. Her butt is back to optimal cat butt parameters. She continues to be gatinha gorda. Thank you again for all the well wishes during this!

its also true

"babies are born worshipping unknown gods" is one of the most incredible dwarf fortress bugs i have heard of. its poetry.

“You block people because of their politics?” Buddy I blocked someone because their userpic looked too much like the userpic of someone I hated.

🔮 ghostes and buppy seafarers at large escaping big shower email government

v funny to see people postin abt online like it’s real

i need to take a shower adn send an Email but i wish to do neither

Bond drives a car real fast through Budapest. He hits a bad guy and then gets out and takes a thumb drive from the guy's jacket pocket and says "didn't your mother ever tell you to look both ways before crossing the street?" and then he shoots the guy twice and drives off BANAAAAT DANAAAAAA

Me on teams

“Bond is dead” isn’t a problem. It’s a solution.

asked my mom for $7 for an Little Treat btu im nto holding my breath

my sisters husbands dog is scared of potty pads apparently so theyre great to lay down wherever you dont want her to go potty

one of the best sunsets ive ever seen tbh

ive been trying to get a hold of my therapist to schedule another appointment but ive left two voicemails (weds & fri) and havent heard from her. should i leave a third voicemail

its makign me doubt evreything. is this an 8mm??? thats what it says. why is it labeled as an M (aka M/N-13)

its Simple

hm. yes. i see

jsut looked at a crochet hook size conversion chart because my furls 8mm is bafflingly an M while my clover 8mm is an L adn my head hurts so bad now

she cumin my pantries til i nutmeg

BOND: I need some new toys, old friend. Q: Of course, 007! Here's a necktie with a cell phone in it somehow. Boy, it sure was crazy what we had to do to get you back to duty after the explosion, eh? BOND: Quite. Now tell me about this Combat Stim Martini...

it's not that i ever doubted that being a barista was a skilled position, but my year-long effort to try to produce a half-decent latte at home has convinced me that a good barista is easily more skilled than virtually every c-suite executive on the planet

a libsoftiktok stand-in convinces the new boss they need to run stories about cat-identified middle schoolers using litter boxes. the new Dwight is arrested trying to get video footage of this so she orders the new Jim to fake it with AI but it just makes weirdly muscular pooping anthros