a full health work-up but for finding out all the undiscovered kinks you’re into

“The guy who was your childhood slumlord is going to be president, he’s going to tear down part of the white house, engage in a military occupation of Minnesota in January, and he’s going to try to start a war with Europe by invading Greenland.”

“The pope will be a guy from Chicago and Trump’s admin will threaten to Avignon Papacy him.”

trump picks up the phone for basically any random reporter who calls him but his vice president can't get through lmao

just following onto this — trump picked up the phone from an *msnbc* reporter *in the middle of a war meeting* but sent jd to voicemail twice 😂

nothing lasts

Pitching my movie "Anger Man" and they're saying it's already been done and I keep saying "Anger Man" louder and louder because they're not understanding

i’ve also become section 230 reform pilled. i’ve decided all the arguments against doing that are basically libertarian dogma mixed with nostalgia for a version of the internet circa 2002 that in respect never had a chance and is never going to happen.

"A months-long investigation into Dubois County Sheriff Tom Kleinhelter scrutinized his handling of jail commissary funds. But unlike a high-profile case against former Clark County Sheriff Jamey Noel, no charges were filed — and the only person disciplined was the detective who pursued the case."

Mind u commissary funds are MEANT TO FEED INCARCERATED PEOPLE many many of whom in any given sheriff's jail are only in there pretrial and have not even been convicted of a crime but most state laws allow and even encourage sheriffs to use commissary funds as a slush fund for their pet projects

For those of us who never used all of our Bluesky invite codes before they went away, they should be turned into uninvite codes where we can delete accounts of our choice

Jesse Singal is arguing with a joke. @theonion.com

the problem with this is that the lazy Onion writers are just taking what people *actually* say on BS and being like "see? it's that thing you say on bluesky about bug spray!”

Help me like one of your French hamburgers

this is unfair. the dr bronners label is far more coherent and ideologically consistent

i've said it before but i'll say it again: peggy hill would have been an absolutely unstoppable poster

I've suspected this for since the layoffs picked up...

for the last week melania has just been getting pics of the files that were on Pam’s desk for a year….texted one by one from a blocked number…

it’s not at all likely but I got a brief chuckle out of imagining the timing is bc they’re worried Bondi is going to try and get revenge for the humiliating firing by going real housewives of mar a lago on melania

Other Wikipedia categories of interest. Critters (aligns with the phylogenetic tree work). American businesses. Cult sects or deities. The fungi pack. Small molecules.

are space elevators even possible anymore with how much space junk there is?

stoner proposing to their SO like "uana marij?"

I can confirm that my cats have no interest in watching Frasier.

I have worked in inventory management for a grocery chain for two weeks now, and I find myself forming strong opinions about companies based entirely on their packaging. Swanson. You've been around since 1899. What the fuck is your excuse for having cans that don't stack.

fascinating to see people understand that the government is not the people who live there-- but only for the usa

I may have definitely been thinking about this @theonion.com post A LOT lately

Just saw a high school friend post "I stand with Iran" on Facebook and do you have any idea how bad you have to fuck up as president of the United States to get middle American normies on Facebook to type out "I stand with Iran"

many are talking about the benefits of reinflating large exercise ball so you can arch your back over it once again

SO. I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS. So one of the problems of food in space is that your worst enemy is crumbs or spray - so you can't, for instance, grind pepper. Anything that's a powder has to be made into a viscous fluid - so pepper is suspended in oil. This changes my condiment selection.

completely limp sighing into your chest: i’m trying to kill you right now

Me to Australian Bluesky users

PLEASE SHARE MY MUTUAL AID LINK!!! Trying to raise $300 for April. I have stage 3 AVN; it's very painful. Disabled, off work in recovery from stress/trauma induced psychosis. CPTSD, ASD, ADHD. Please help. #MutualAid #HelpFolksLive2026 www.paypal.me/fleurgoldFG

White guy when the Mariachi starts at a Mexican restaurant: So authentic! Beautiful culture! Loud

it’s ok when i do it because i’m hot enough to be gross

Remember, everyone who's studying the blade: next Thursday is the first midterm exam. Be ready for the multiple choice exam covering the first four chapters

why did they put her on tv to do the meme. i do in fact now have questions that have allegedly already been answered by the shirt.

bravely]]] i dont think you should get credit for Achieving Peace if its a war yuo started on purpose and for no apparent reason

We rode a ferry to a very off season Washington Island in Wisconsin today. The Ferry operator just told me firmly that the 18th century canon I have with me is making the other folks on board very uncomfortable. I asked him how we would protect ourselves from Lake Michigan pirates.

I wish it was possible for Heinlein’s estate to sue Elon for making the word “grok” suck ass now

Just raising more questions, tbh

Jesus Christ…

i've always wanted to try lead acetate, the forbidden sweetener

A great episode of The Outer Limits was the time traveling genius tries to stop the killing of his neglected wife, but then he realizes that he’s the one who did it so he goes back in time to shoot himself while past-he is on the way to a date with the wife, and past him is like omg this is so…

“Why aren’t college students protesting” stories are almost always wrong (they are protesting), omit crucial context (they were brutally punished for protesting before), and somehow suggest that 19 yr olds have more moral responsibility than elected officials three times their age