“KLOMP” is the sound that guy made

New from the New York Times Editorial Board: A Woman Should Not Talk To Me Like That

it's always the most weaseldicked premium grade a freakazoids crowing about how it "says something about society" that people refuse to engage with their bad ideas. I engage with bad ideas literally all the time, as long as the person having them is normal

it’s nice that videos on here sometimes just stop playing after twenty seconds and there’s no way to get them to show the rest without hard quitting the whole app. it’s like, hey, this place is for millennials. we read words on here

just sneezed in the office stairwell and it echoed off the walls like a gunshot. I heard someone yelp far away

it's pretty funny the sheer number of people who, seconds into the second trump administration, decided the time was ripe to go full fash instead of waiting a little bit to see if people were actually cool with nazis now. every major company was like, we need to court the burgeoning nazi demographic

nervously watching the election results and digging through the trash for all the DEI I threw out in february

dawg they’re live laugh loving the white house. president homegoods

midterm wipeout, massive stroke, incapacitated fourteen days, lame duck replacement

inspired by @dialacina.com

that’s it: tomorrow is the day I finally find out what brunch is

I never thought I could realistically run for office until I started following the Mamdani campaign and realized that he, too, has a smoking hot wife

retiring this one for a few months at least

I turned this on and it’s a bunch of people standing completely still while listening to Hey Ya!

finally getting around to watching The Pitt. whole cast is firing on all cylinders but man, Samantha Sloyan elevates everything she’s in. gotta watch Midnight Mass again

another win for the new york slice

I’d caution against reading too much into progressive wins tonight: elections are essentially just popularity contests, not an indication of broad support for left-leaning candidates

on rare occasions everyone is out of the house when I get home from work and as much as I love and cherish my beautiful family sitting alone on your couch is so goated

old bitch

You’re a “leftist?” Hold on a minute. It says here you used to offer “running lessons” in EverQuest where you’d convince newbies to /follow you and run them directly into a goblin cave to harvest their gear. I don’t seem to remember Marx mentioning that in Das Kapital

every star trek episode is titled Ere Fire Down From Olympus Came and every plot is "what if a comet had a milf on it"

all my wifes aloof

Unfortunately, if Cuomo loses tomorrow I will be forced to leave the city that I love. Never again will I walk out of the door of my building and take three total steps on the public sidewalk before entering my private SUV on the way to Zero Bond. Never again will I experience my private box at MSG

hooked up to tubes and cycling in a lab, lungs monitored by government scientists tasked with creating the "world's most effective smoker"

the sun has been down for twenty minutes and I already have cabin fever. I’m pacing around like jack nicholson in the shining except my great unfinished novel is one perfect post

reassuring my coworker that he will one day surpass his father

Please help me. My name is Shohei Ohtani. Last night I was struck by lightning while standing next to a man who kept looking at his phone even though we were in a lively social situation and awoke to find we had switched bodies. Please, someone contact my team. This man does not live well

good game! looking forward to game eight!

whoever wins this game gets the northwest angle

I hope this game goes for 1000 innings

To truly understand what makes a successful business, it’s critically important that the CEO be a fervent and dedicated user of their own products, and one big exception to that is social media

you, as a ghost, have unfinished business? with all of your free time?

halloween is the best holiday because it’s the one that’s the most community focused. also because it’s the horniest

happy halloween!

they’re quiet; they know they aren’t wanted. it doesn’t stop them checking handles and windows. they know it’s warm in here. they can feel our blood. the chill autumn air scatters them up from the soft sighing loam to whisper down the darkened alley. I wonder if you remembered to lock your back door

I wonder if our system would be any better if we forced elected representatives to live full-time in their home districts and conduct most government business virtually. Have their kids attend local schools, make them work out of local offices, etc. It should be easier for me to yell at my rep

damn, how the fuck to you draw a clock. this is impossible

the mouse that normally ties my shoes got drunk with the bird that helps me put my shirt on. now they’re both hungover. now what

dressing up like a skeleton and whispering "memento mori" to all of your coworkers doesn't count as a death threat

you think the EARTH is rotating around the SUN? the earth?? where people live??

at the haunted strip club shouting “typo! typo!!”

saw a lady walking in to target, tears on her face, a giant plastic skeleton in each arm. there’s a story there

working on a frankenstein out of neighbor parts. going heavy on the arm situation because I need a guy to help me move

sometimes I do want to tell my children like, you are going to need to learn to lie better than that

the obsession with "retirement" as some sort of natural end state to a life of productive work is ridiculous, another symptom of millennial entitlement skewing public opinion. instead, consider taking "microretirements" throughout your career, perhaps between 12am-6am

unacceptable, frankly. the word "aunt" and all derivatives is famously only ever used to describe a parent's blood sister, especially in immigrant communities

The rehydrated corpse of Ötzi the Iceman has entered the game

ME: I guess I don’t think it’s my fault those guys got melted with the toxic waste CHOTINER: It was an accident ME: Yup CHOTINER: So this TikTok of you, quoting here, “going sloppy style…” I’m sorry. I’m just a little distracted. I’m just now noticing you have very lovely eyes ME: Aw, Isaac, thanks