crazy website. saw someone on here say soup is bad for you. which doesn’t sound true

One Square Of Dad’s Mother’s Day Photomosaic Definitely Showing Mom’s Whole Bush

kash patel spinning around manically and pointing his finger at everyone in the room just fast enough that nobody can quite get their comically-oversized daggers out from behind their backs

great summer to have planned our first ever family road trip. might have to modify our plans a little bit. hop in, kiddos, we're taking you to see the OTHER Target

the got star fox lookin like somebody’s dog

T-0:00:04: INTERNET PERSONALITY “CEEJ” TAKES CONTROLS AND AUDIBLY WHISPERS “WATCH THIS…GTA TYPE ####…. XGAMES…” T-0:00:01: **COCKPIT ALARM**

I’m half cyclops

moving the imessage window to the other side of the screen so my coworkers in the slack window can't see what I'm typing

zero question in my mind that I could defeat any president in single combat. most of them are already dead and the rest are old as fuck

when our baby was born we asked the pediatrician doing rounds about the then-new RSV vaccine, and she visibly steeled herself before launching into a pre-rehearsed spiel about the efficacy of vaccines and only relaxed when we were like, no, we’re asking because we WANT it

good. I’m sick of all these pale-ass babies

No field will go untouched by the emergence of AI. We’re announcing our first custom model: Mockingbird One. Using a proprietary dataset containing stroking data from all the world’s cultures, we are close to rediscovering the fabled “Godhand” technique that makes you cum so hard you temporarily die

private equity buyout of JackinWorld

it is not polite to mention my exhaustive personal history of human rights abuses

it’s okay not to know everything. it’s okay not to have read every book. it’s okay not to know if your blood like goes around your body in like a big tube or what. it’s okay not to be an expert in every little thing

that thing he does where he gets blown up and his beak spins around to the back of his head? yeah, he uses that for sex

tech companies used to be called like “Babinko!” and now they’re all called “Porch”

no, I don't have a favorite "star war." personally, I'm more interested in "star peace"

butt dialed a reporter so hard his phone exploded. prayers up, warriors

you can imagine bluesky as a sort of three ring circus: you can laugh at the clowns and gasp at the incredible acts of daring, all while overhearing the smartest patrons discuss the latest in politics and world finance. and also the circus is forever embroiled in a bloody civil war

NDAs are so funny. “Promise not to talk about this.” yeah, for sure 😉

Name your favorite black & white film: Tokyo Story (1953)

interesting that none of the replies here care about stopping 9/11

"Agree to disagree" no no no, one of us will perish

every photo of this guy looks like one of those bunker holograms from death stranding

was forced to evict a family of spiders from inside of the pizza oven for our first cook of the year, but the best pie I made tonight was this classic wild mushroom

beautiful sunshine and blue skies for the first farmer’s market of the year. I wonder if there’s any correlation between “going outside” and “feeling happy”

stage manager needs a raise

Important Announcement: I am NO LONGER in a CONFLICT with my NEIGHBOR'S DOG

how fast does this trolley go, anyway? think we can get this baby up to 100mph?

If anyone else wants to experience this menacing middle school millennial aura, I did roll it too music.apple.com/us/playlist/... (  -> S, YT via FreeYourMusic) open.spotify.com/playlist/4X7... youtube.com/playlist?lis...

incredible finale. wrapped it up beautifully. showing his impact on his friends, his community. wonderful…

they should hire an 18 year old to play bond so we don’t have to do this again for another forty years

I love her

had to send my favorite pair of undies (frosted doughnut print) to the great laundromat in the sky due to a major tear from sack to hole that developed around hour five of a transatlantic flight. another casualty of The Man With The Diamond Taint

it’s hot snake summer

EXTREMELY NORMAL GUY COMING UP WITH THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW YOU COULD USE HIS NEW TECHNOLOGY: you could watch yourself fuck a dead woman

👁️

service so bad I’m only tipping 18%

it’s incredible that we’ve invented a technology that is frighteningly good at generating plausible english sentences and my phone is still like, “did you mean ‘I lorb you?’”

not sure why people have such a hard time abandoning problematic creators. I already hate half the shit I like

future generations will look upon gen x'ers for banning cloves the same way all of us look at boomers for banning qualuudes

This country was built on ballrooms, and to suggest otherwise is frankly un-American

reverse wacky inflatable tube man. ass up

lol more like HMS INattentive

You're right, shooting you with a gun goes against the explicit instructions defined in my system prompt. I should have explored other options before deciding to use a gun to shoot you. "Don't shoot me with a gun" is rule number one in my operating instructions. I made a mistake, and that's on me.

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LAWYER: The shooter shared your post: “Bugs Bunny is a two-pump chump. I’d show Lola how to smash ‘Animal Style!’” What did you mean by that? ME: That Bugs Bunny cums fast. LAWYER: He lacks sexual prowess? ME: Yes. LAWYER: Did you consider that posting something this inflammatory might be dangerous?