got an email from bluesky moderation informing me that my account has been intentionally hit by a pitch in retaliation for the behavior of my mutuals

congratulations to the people of Toronto and Leafs fans everywhere on winning the NHL draft lottery. whoever they end up picking, i'm sure you're gonna have a blast watching the light fade from his eyes

of course it's ok to be polite but curt to some regular plain jane uggo who starts baiting you into saying something they can go on TV to feign outrage over, but the WINNER of a REGIONAL BEAUTY PAGEANT??? you do NOT subtly change your tone with someone who's been OFFICIALLY declared PRETTY by CREEPS

normal guy

just came up with kind of a cool idea for a thong

if i was luke skywalker and found out darth vader was my father i don't think it'd really change too much for me. he'd still mainly just be darth vader, the famous evil murderer. maybe every now and then i'd remember he was my dad and be like, Damn

just came up with kind of a cool idea for a thong

best piece of star wars media is the tie fighter sound

i have synesthesia so for example when someone says the word mustard, it sounds yellow to me. lemon, also yellow. banana's a tricky one. usually gonna be yellow. what else... scrambled eggs,

when a friend tells me something in confidence i will always take that secret to my grave, which obviously i'm not buried in yet so it's a great place to hide stuff like christmas presents or blackmail dossiers

when Seven is getting a bit punchy you can just throw these ruined old shoes next to him and he'll go berserk on em till he's ready for a nap. that orange bag is one of his favorite things to lay on, but this earns it no quarter if it's within reach during a shoe frenzy

confidently failing a roadside sobriety test

richard dawkins has always had AI psychosis, it just took till now for the tech to catch up

if you strike me down, i shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine at occasionally giving luke hints

getting a butt dial from rudy giuliani and hearing him flatline

The Killer Was Running Some Sort Of Deposit Refund Scam With Seat Reservations Which He Did Explain To Me But I Couldn't Make Heads Or Tails Of It

Due to a booking error Rudy Giuliani has been laid to rest in the parking lot at Woodlawn Mulch & Chip Depot

i think it's time to make weed illegal again

confidently failing a roadside sobriety test

HOLD ON I'M THINKING

when you're watching a throat slashing tutorial on youtube and the guy is doing a way too long ad read for Nord VPN

hostages need to chill the fuck out

NEW RULE!! if you refuse to eat dog turds, you don't get to eat ANY turds!!!!

huh.. always thought tucker carlson believed bad weird racist stuff but he says his beliefs are actually good and normal and not only is he NOT racist, he doesn't think poor and working class people are disgusting animals either. he brought that last part up unprompted. boy i sure had him all wrong

man that is fucking insane. .. FOUR grand in MY pocket TODAY?? yeah no shit there's a ton of interest. four THOUSAND dollars. sure's hell caught my interest

would be better writing to have Walter White be a pro welterweight boxer. doesn't make sense why his name is kind of similar to a word and then it's never even explained?? if him working at a car wash is SO vital you call him like. Carl.. Wash.. ing. Carl Washington. now you're looking at a hit show

you know how apes will pick a bug out of their friend's fur and eat it

outside has a bunch of green junk all over it now? mandel l'effect??

The Killer Was Running Some Sort Of Deposit Refund Scam With Seat Reservations Which He Did Explain To Me But I Couldn't Make Heads Or Tails Of It

man he really is not getting any closer to figuring out how to smile is he

Hi, I'm Matt Christman for Old Spice. Kill yourself and kill everyone around you. Old Spice deodorant.

certain type of guy (seeing people having fun): heh... i'm far too smart to enjoy such HEY are you guys listening

my dude, how many of them would you estimate depict a character experiencing the product and then cheerfully committing suicide? my homie, is it only form that defines a work? when one looks at a painting, old chum of mine, one sees more than just paint

re angry QT saying magical realism is DEAD cause i'm too dumb to see the astronaut IS Mario, and WON'T die, adding "gotta curate my feed, cause this ain't it": 1) way worse if he lives to drift for eons in a void like Aniara. Aniario. 2) YOU killed magical realism with your bad attitude! blocked!!!!

when you're watching a throat slashing tutorial on youtube and the guy is doing a way too long ad read for Nord VPN

(snapping awake) just a dream? but what are dreams? i don't know. do you know? does ANYONE know? if something happens in a dream is it real? it feels real. do you dream you are a butterfly? does the BUTTERFLY, dream it's a man? to sleep... perCHANCE to dream? who takes that chance? Joe Biden? OBAMA?

mark carney is kinda the perfect liberal politician name. hi im Prime Minister Sucker Conman

oh no how's she gonna pay her denim bill

Hi, I'm Matt Christman for Old Spice. Kill yourself and kill everyone around you. Old Spice deodorant.

holy shit. this is not a mischaracterization

How is this not a joke

i don't understand how Old Spice's marketing team landed on this ad for their Super Mario Galaxy Movie tie-in where an astronaut smells a stick of deodorant, thinks about Mario, and then kills himself. i don't understand how that's not a joke, it's exactly what happens in the ad

the philadelphia flyers lookin like they may lose this series in an unprecedented three game sweep