love the decision to find a picture where he's being kind of french

watched a cursed three stooges movie last week and now they keep trying to come out of my TV at the same time and getting all jammed up in the bezel

I get a deal on everything because my dad works everywhere

the debate rages on

🎶 if you're lost you can look and you will find me

(emptying the little garbage can by my desk into the big garbage bag from under the kitchen sink before taking it all out to the dumpster) Desk Trash is making a comeback

if you can't stand the heat but you're stuck in the kitchen, check out the fridge

hoping i can ingest enough microplastics to one day gum up a crematorium beyond repair

"do you know who i am" is sort of the Classic meltdown phrase, but in terms of Harm To Self And Others risk severity, it is truly dwarfed by "i know you know who i am"

got a live one here yowza

japanese cinema has taught me so much about the selfless heroism of violent gambling addicts

MY SUPERVISOR AT THE LOCKHEED MARTIN SKUNK WORKS: hey man what the fuck did we just talk about yesterday?? ME (trying to jam my feet into prototype rocket boots without undoing the laces): one sec bud just gettin the boots on

make a Snowpiercer just to put all the epstein people on. could be cool. imagine how shitty that little society turns out. get some cameras in there. run some psychological experiments on em

many goldfish do not survive the flavor blasting process

when i buy an eighth of weed and it comes in one of those nice little jars i'm thinkin, come on eighth of weed.. you don't need to put on airs around me

everybody should be booing at a beloved friend or family member's funeral. your buddy got made into a dead body dude, fuck that. BOOO!!

they repaired that donkey who accident hit by train and put him right back in the game but you can tell from his demeanor he knows every step he'll ever take from here on out is an affront to god, which he's not really equipped to process

all these guys tapping emails to epstein on their iPads, got they fingies doing the damn piano scene from Big typin out Hi Jeff I luke to see yoyr gorl again soon (for.. u no lol)

it would be really difficult to kill somebody if you were one inch tall but it'd be super easy to get away with it

shrinking play area

you think you've got a decent grasp of what the hokey pokey is until the song says "and then you do the hokey pokey" and you're right back to square one

the first rule of Using Repetition for Emphasis Club is do not talk about Using Repetition for Emphasis Club. the second rule of Using Repetition for Emphasis Club is, you guys are gonna love this one,

asking for an edit button is disgraceful behavior. have some self respect. ooh i need my posts to be perfect and i can't delete because i already got a like!!! i need that like! grow up. figure out if the fav is more important to you than the typo. sometimes we gotta make choices in this life

First I would take a quick trip over to the stables,

everybody should be booing at a beloved friend or family member's funeral. your buddy got made into a dead body dude, fuck that. BOOO!!

make a Snowpiercer just to put all the epstein people on. could be cool. imagine how shitty that little society turns out. get some cameras in there. run some psychological experiments on em

it would be really difficult to kill somebody if you were one inch tall but it'd be super easy to get away with it

if you're under six feet tall girls won't even help you fashion a spear from a safety pin that you can use to defend your matchbox house from bugs

mr police i gave you all the clues but in case you didn't see here they are again 🫰😈🫵🤘😎👉🔥🏠🔥🧑‍🚒💀👻😭👎 ↗️ ↖️ 🏍️ ↖️ me/victims↗️ 💰 👻 ↖️ ↖️ ↗️ satan threw stuff i owe the bike in satan 🤘for free 🤑

MY SUPERVISOR AT THE LOCKHEED MARTIN SKUNK WORKS: hey man what the fuck did we just talk about yesterday?? ME (trying to jam my feet into prototype rocket boots without undoing the laces): one sec bud just gettin the boots on

thing with epstein is there's one interesting facet to him and it's the really bad one, so it's a tough sell saying you were just in it for the cool email convos about his bong rip theories. it's not like Dennis Wilson hangin with Charlie Manson where you go, Well yeah he's a pretty compelling guy

all these guys tapping emails to epstein on their iPads, got they fingies doing the damn piano scene from Big typin out Hi Jeff I luke to see yoyr gorl again soon (for.. u no lol)

haha ok funny little mix up with the charts there sorry, your husband does NOT have brain cancer! whew ha ha!! egg on my face. but it isn't all good news i'm afraid

they repaired that donkey who accident hit by train and put him right back in the game but you can tell from his demeanor he knows every step he'll ever take from here on out is an affront to god, which he's not really equipped to process

billion goes flyin out the damb page and then you see million's little ass down there it's basically dirt on the ground. you think my movie about me should get eight dirt???

uncannily pete hegseth

February aka Landlord's Delight... the month where they REALLY get ya

(suddenly turning the music way down at a party) hey sorry guys can i just get everyone to take a quick look around for my hug

working at elon's jizz distro facility scooping spooge from a big rubbermaid bin and schlorping it into medium size UPS bubble mailers. we lose two or three guys every week to slip and fall injuries

science cannot explain why ted cruz's shaved face always appeared to be dripping wet but his beard looks one spark away from a brush fire

smart call making bagels round so you don't get jabbed by the corners when you're trying to eat them

CAPT. PICARD: there's no time for this, the planet's surface is too unstable! beam us aboard, then i will consider your team's request CHIEF O'BRIEN: what's to consider? engineering department gets a full hour for lunch, or you die CAPT. PICARD: well i don't think it would set a very good precedent

Local Idiots Make Racket

thing with epstein is there's one interesting facet to him and it's the really bad one, so it's a tough sell saying you were just in it for the cool email convos about his bong rip theories. it's not like Dennis Wilson hangin with Charlie Manson where you go, Well yeah he's a pretty compelling guy

i hate finding out the weird annoying convicted pedophile i've been socializing with and giving money to is a bad guy :( i was only hanging out with him because he's a stupid creep who only charges me ten million dollars to do my taxes!!!