at the crazy frog concert and he's just doing a bunch of door bull shit off his new album

if inventions did not exist, it would be necessary to figure out some way of addressing that

gotta imagine he's ordered someone to bring him cost estimates for a reflecting pool size mirror

if inventions did not exist, it would be necessary to figure out some way of addressing that

well, he definitely doesn't work AT the high school but he's gotta work someplace nearby cause i see him around there every day on my commute, both ways

always hope for the best (no sniper; one incompetent sniper; two snipers with an old grudge sniping each other), but plan for the worst (team of elite snipers who have so much fun together it never feels like work; those two snipers from before have buried the hatchet and now share a unique bond)

they've had a tough go of this stuff so far, but i think they're gonna get these guys for Menacing Proximity to a Federally Managed Body of Water (Man-Made). no worries though, as this charge is classified as a micromisdemeanor the maximum penalty is One (1) Judge's Look of Fatherly Disappointment

Wow! Make no mistake: R.J. Tolliver's Total Treatment Tonic is the first ever 100% guaranteed cure all health beverage! Here, he chooses a total stranger in the crowd and reduces his terrible pain of the knee to the level of a school age lad! Look at him dance! This is NOT his business partner!

whoa... so TV tells me Ecuador has five shots on goal in the first, which sounds good right? well yes and no. because get this, apparently the only number that ultimately matters is the SCORE. so THIS is why, i'm told, Ecuador MAY be disappointed. holy shit.. this was a hypothetical the whole time??

know how sometimes when you put two dumb dogs together they sort of create a feedback loop of encouragement to do stupid shit that they both know they're not supposed to be doing... forgot where i was going with this..... oh, right. don't let cops hang out with horses

getting into Six Flags for free by hopping on a freight roller coaster

fiddling with the settings on my tv trying to make austin powers less randy

no no, frankenstein is the doctor's name. the hulking square guy? that's frankenstein's sponsor. good dude. been amazing for vic. frankenstein. anyway a year ago he'd be shit house at the graveyard right now, stealing bodies. man i should really know his sponsor's name. wait. fuuuck me, it's frank

they've had a tough go of this stuff so far, but i think they're gonna get these guys for Menacing Proximity to a Federally Managed Body of Water (Man-Made). no worries though, as this charge is classified as a micromisdemeanor the maximum penalty is One (1) Judge's Look of Fatherly Disappointment

you know when you walk into a room and can't remember why but it must've been SOMETHING so you stand and look around and though nothing rings a bell you keep on looking because if you give up now the whole trip was pointless but eventually you sigh and go "well i guess it wasn't anything important"

Wow! Make no mistake: R.J. Tolliver's Total Treatment Tonic is the first ever 100% guaranteed cure all health beverage! Here, he chooses a total stranger in the crowd and reduces his terrible pain of the knee to the level of a school age lad! Look at him dance! This is NOT his business partner!

[at the shoppers drug mart with my sniper friend] ME: listerine huh.. not scope? SNIPER FRIEND: sniping is just a job to me

sniper looking down his scope at the stone wall i'm ducked behind and seeing a note slowly poking out from defilade that says WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM then on the flipside RE: SNIPING

the algae had begun to express "pro-hamas" sentiments

well check again damnit, one of those letters has to be from em and em

almost full canopy cover now, not far above your head. feels kinda like you're inside

always hope for the best (no sniper; one incompetent sniper; two snipers with an old grudge sniping each other), but plan for the worst (team of elite snipers who have so much fun together it never feels like work; those two snipers from before have buried the hatchet and now share a unique bond)

watch your step in the kitchen [boastfully] there's a LOT of broken glass

i know this isn't a fresh take but it's fucking insane for a guy named Gianni Infantino to look like that

why are you trying to deny the man his flowers

i think this iran debacle has made it pretty clear that america can, should and must supply america's enemies with nuclear weapons in order to safeguard america against the looming threat of american military aggression

i saw Drive Angry like fourteen years ago, probably not even the whole thing, and i have no idea what happens in it, but every now and then i remember the license plate says Dr. Vagry

inspector looking for something about this in the building code

every now and then i remember the Spike Lee remake of Old Boy exists and take a moment's pause to really focus on furrowing my brow about it

Your husband, the dying air conditioner from The Brave Little Toaster, who constantly cheats on you: HOnEY mY PoCkETs aRE fulL Of goOD hEALthY tOAd sCrAPs fROm ThAT oLD TAiliNGs POnd i nEEd yOU tO caRry tHe LUncH stINkiEs

night club crooner belting out what seems to be an original song until the final verse where it's revealed to have been New York, New York all along

what else have you tried

you know when you walk into a room and can't remember why but it must've been SOMETHING so you stand and look around and though nothing rings a bell you keep on looking because if you give up now the whole trip was pointless but eventually you sigh and go "well i guess it wasn't anything important"

inspector looking for something about this in the building code

i think this iran debacle has made it pretty clear that america can, should and must supply america's enemies with nuclear weapons in order to safeguard america against the looming threat of american military aggression

night club crooner belting out what seems to be an original song until the final verse where it's revealed to have been New York, New York all along

well this parasite has been really taking over my brain lately, so how fast "i" was going back there is a tricky—hold on. what's up? oh my god dude i'm trying so hard not to laugh. bro there's some on his fucking sunglasses. oh good call, i'll ask—yo colonel mustard, any standing water around here

this guy is crazy if he thinks a bunch of money and fancy tech will ever get Speed Racer to turn his back on family

i am rocketing to the top of the charts where i will be killed like emilio estevez in the first mission impossible

if these walls could talk... i bet they'd have a lot of the same questions about it as me

this guy is crazy if he thinks a bunch of money and fancy tech will ever get Speed Racer to turn his back on family

(muffled) aaron burr!

mr tambourine man should join forces with the piano man to perform a song so powerful it can make bob dylan AND billy joel shut up

got myself pretty hopelessly lost exploring the backrooms but it still cracks me up every time this awful toy phone i met in here realizes he's once again failed to meaningfully skinamarink me

still plenty of time for Qatar to collect some more of those delightful little cards they love so much

sour patch kids is a sort of baffling riff on cabbage patch kids huh. weird angle. doesn't hold up to scrutiny

i bet if you put me in charge of a mighty empire it would barely crumble at all

for me, Cords remain the ultimate phone charging experience. Plug In , Power Up: Cords. The Number One Name in Charging For Your Phone, Tablet, or Other Devices. but don't take my word for it, try it yourself. simply connect, and sit back. Your Device will Charge Automatically. Plug. Charge. Cords.