escaped a hello from my neighbor by jumping down the elevator shaft

doing a bad job but giving myself a treat anyway

🦌 dumpster 🦌 dover 🦌 grover 🦌 nixon 🦌 rivet 🦌 ronin 🦌 sanders 🦌 steven 🦌 beaufort fairbanks

🦌 rudulp

colleagues are in for a treat. i'm making my famous paper shredder coleslaw

i know the pigeon led him through a dark and dripping bricked sewer footsteps of the man and bird echoing as they picked their way between the worst of the puddles their progress lit only by an eerie blue light flickering gently at the end of the passageway

watching in stunned silence while a rube goldberg machine destroys my house and everything in it

i put the rest of the corn flake in my pocket for later

kids of today will never know tvs went eeeeeeeeeeee

backed over by the midsize suv of love

why is it always toxic worm zone and never fine lady zone

omw

time to kill before work. time to kill 1000 hell demons

all-triangle marching band

i slept too long and dreamt i got a $206,000 parking ticket

the world is growing smaller every day, said the mouse. at first it was so big that I was afraid, but these long walls have narrowed so quickly, and I am in the last chamber already, and there stands the trap that I am running into you only need to change your direction, said the cat. and ate it up

really hope our cat didn't become a megachurch christian while we were out buying beans

one must imagine sisyphus is having a ball

having a sip at the eyewash station

free toaster that plays 30 sec ads before it starts toasting

if you want a bad idea for a breakfast cereal, i'm your man

twinkle bells

"pets are not allowed on the beds" too late. i paid for two beds and you said pet friendly

i'm so sick of hearing about 3

she gruntle on my staff til i Great Place to Work 2025

blasted with the gun of courtesy

crush me with your beautiful apparatus

have you ever seen a painting so beautiful that you were killed instantly

even bigger bopper

- very important meeting - need to review very important documents - opening briefcase - briefcase is actually backgammon set - discreetly closing briefcase

o hye 👋

i still don't know why i'm here

licking on the business end of this lollipop

why is it so embarrassing when my name is called in a cafe like ah fuck that’s me i guess. sorry everyone

that colleague who is a force multiplier of 0.5x

the grass is always greener on the underside

hi, you've reached nikk. i can't come the phone right now because i've become tangled in the handset cable. please send help

turns out our systems had AGI all along. we just had to believe ✨

sending you a message over the hand it to you on a piece of paper protocol

imagining a tiny loaf of bread. incredible

i need to borrow vast riches for this thing i'm working on. dm me

i think the ouroboros is probably just an idiot

in the immortal words of John Sylenth: "thank you for trying this demo"

that was very big of you. huge even. you are fucking massive

SOON - dashare.zone ADMIN

Mall proprietor Simon Property Group has discussed plans to outfit each mall rotunda with a blind drummer beating a great drum in time with the needs of commerce $SPG #HolidayRetail2025

The say you can hear hot dogs slowly rolling along the shore at night while sleeping on the beaches of the great lakes

making an exact replica of my local home depot garden center for the big heist

it has to be...

i will breed the venomous corgi