mindflakes
@mindflakes.bsky.social
📤 16038
📥 479
📝 757
oh..... hello
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mindflakes
Mr. Big Shot
about 10 hours ago
i think phone screens should have animations of bugs crawling on them . all the time and U can't turn that feature off
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mindflakes
frielf
1 day ago
there’s what appears to be a poorly concealed secret door in this doctor’s waiting room that has been stapled shut. trying not to blurt out “what’s behind that?” because i don’t know if the old men around me will rally to the cause
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When a dog makes a non-standard dog noise like "arooroo" or "waaaaowaah" that's when the magic happens
about 4 hours ago
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mindflakes
Villein đź”’
about 23 hours ago
foraging my lunch in the parking lot
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mindflakes
Viktor Winetrout
2 days ago
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be supportive. Say stuff like, “Nice battling, dude.”
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mindflakes
Shaved 5 minutes off my morning routine by brushing my teeth and riding the mechanical duck outside the supermarket at the same time
about 1 year ago
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mindflakes
Benny Feldman
1 day ago
If I was a zookeeper, I would give a spare key to every animal somewhere inside the cage. If they can figure it out, they deserve it
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mindflakes
frielf
2 days ago
inventing a new subgenre of country music in which all the songs are about living in tunnels
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I've invented a new device that combines a microscope with a telescope so you can look at regular stuff normal-style
1 day ago
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mindflakes
sweetie π
2 days ago
they should have an escalator that leads you straight into the sea
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mindflakes
warmyellowlight
6 days ago
my handlers are considering releasing me into the wild bc i am unable to remain calm in my enclosure
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A pair of jeans is two pipes that join together into one pipe. A shirt is a thick pipe with two thin pipes sticking out of the sides. Socks are one-ended pipes. I forget what point I was trying to make here
2 days ago
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mindflakes
Satchel Charge
4 days ago
I'm deep in the recesses of the club. Like I'm in the boiler room at the club. Help
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mindflakes
tara
5 days ago
(New coworker jumps suddenly startled) oh that’s ominous Susan she likes to emerge from the shadows.. HR are trying to transfer her to a darker realm
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mindflakes
Dominic Caruso
4 days ago
Like everyone else, I wish I was 30 feet tall, but alas I am only 28 feet tall
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3 things to know about me: - I will not rest until I have eaten every potato on the planet - It's not clear if I fully understand what a potato is - I cannot be stopped
3 days ago
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mindflakes
𝗱𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗼🧩
4 days ago
hats are just a portable roof
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mindflakes
fishttp://
5 days ago
they should make a laptop with a lawnmower pull cord instead of a button to start it up
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Just had my protection status upgraded from "critically endangered" to "least concern" after scientists discovered a new colony of me thriving in the tidal rockpools off the coast of madagascar
4 days ago
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mindflakes
mave
5 days ago
For eons, if you wanted to sit in a waffle pocket like a maple syrup hot tub, either you got shrunken way down or the waffle got blown way up. What if I told you there’s another way
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mindflakes
donni saphire
5 days ago
Due to everything, I will not be doing anything at this time
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Repeat after me: I am valid. I am loved. My terrible secret is safe. They'll never find out. My sinister ulterior motives remain unseen.
5 days ago
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mindflakes
coward
7 days ago
Recipe for Normal Water 1 cups hot water 1 cups cold water Pour ingredients in bowl and stir until well combined
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For just 3.99/hour I will perch above your front door like a human gargoyle and screech at passers-by. I will also do this if you don't pay me
6 days ago
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mindflakes
Viktor Winetrout
14 days ago
[not listening at all] You've given me a lot to think about
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mindflakes
josh (oldfriend99)
10 days ago
(saying my daily affirmation) Yes
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mindflakes
Helen
7 days ago
My easiest recipe yet for an upside-down cake. 1. Make a cake 2. Trip over the dog
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mindflakes
My many enemies will be pleased to know that I have once again become entangled in a bead curtain
over 1 year ago
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mindflakes
warmyellowlight
8 days ago
they are gonna throw me in the slammer for the “crime” of eating my delicious toothbrush
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mindflakes
Fart Vision
8 days ago
store called That's Mine where they get mad if you try to buy anything
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Friendly reminder to behave normally and to not lunge wildly at people at the supermarket
7 days ago
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mindflakes
Quest Abandoner
7 days ago
(Crouching down, placing one hand in the slime trail right behind a snail) A snail was here, not 1 hour ago.. (Standing up) We're gaining on him
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mindflakes
little lamb
8 days ago
Restaurants should serve some stuff that isn’t safe to eat
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mindflakes
ceej
9 days ago
the hot tub validates humanity’s inherent desire to become stew
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If anyone's hungry I just made 40 devilled eggs. You can't have any, I just wanted you to know.
8 days ago
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mindflakes
   the Â   postes
9 days ago
i think cats understand crime
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mindflakes
tara
3 months ago
On three I’m going to lunge at you from the shadows. Try to act natural
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The best way to introduce yourself to a new coworker is to pick up a cactus and just start running at them
9 days ago
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mindflakes
donni saphire
9 days ago
They need to invent a small cow for the home
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mindflakes
Apple Bottom Jings
10 days ago
Just saw an object in motion come to rest with absolutely no outside forces involved whatsoever
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mindflakes
ceej
10 days ago
enough emails. stop it
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Remember to hide a list of your landlord's fears and weaknesses in your rented home for the benefit of future tenants
10 days ago
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mindflakes
magich🎱dot org
7 months ago
My ancestors hail from distant swamps and bogs and came to this land to dampen the vibe
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mindflakes
official nikk account
11 days ago
forgot to close the bread. kitchen crawling with geese
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Normalise lying face down on the floor at any time for any reason
10 days ago
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mindflakes
josh (oldfriend99)
11 days ago
I can tell when a movie or show is paused
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mindflakes
Dan Cerinthedark
12 days ago
the mouth is the garage of the face
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It's so much harder to clip my cat's toenails when she's wearing her combat exoskeleton
10 days ago
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mindflakes
tara
14 days ago
I think I could be persuaded into becoming very still for maybe a moment but then I would have to get right back to squirming
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