I had never heard of Batman before I watched dark knight rises but someone told me there was a chanting in a pit scene I had to see

What if yams were made in a machine instead of grown as a crop. Imagine a British skinhead going ‘all day long I’m in the factory making yams with me mates.’ He’s not the racist kind either. It’s ok to like him

I learned that yams were a crop from Things Fall Apart. Before I read that I thought they were made in a factory

Dance moms used to roam these plains as far as the eye could see

I want to sell all my records but I don’t want to learn to use discogs or go to the post office so I’m pretending physical media is so important instead

What is the most years of solitude you can fit in a book

All information is fake

I learned stoicism from the copy on a pack of gas station dick pills

What happens between a woman and her tainted rye is none of my business

Dumbass Mountain called, it said you’re growing it taller

The yakisoba sub at uwajimaya represents the best parts of our country and just like those parts of our country it is no longer available

what is best in life

If you do that little pedestrian jog to get out of the crosswalk faster so a car can go not only are you not built to survive what’s coming but you’ve also made that car 15% more dangerous for all future pedestrians

red star over popehat

You know that game where you have an animals name written on a card on your forehead and other people give you clues as to what it is and you have to try to guess it? This feels a bit like that to me

I caught autodidact’s insecurity from a toilet seat

Hand soap at my therapists office is super watery. Sometimes I worry that somebody else already pissed in it

Reach for a cops gun. Even if he says no you made a new friend

America eats its young. For everything else there’s Mastercard

@georgetakei.bsky.social sup player

if a cop pulls you over start shooting #lawyer #legaladvice

I was the only Jewish kid in my middle school so they made me play Fagin in Oliver, walk a mile in my shoes

The human mind is like a rubiks cube. I seen a Japanese guy solve one in like 3 seconds

I’m not supposed to smoke weed before therapy anymore because it makes me too good at emotions

A child is slipping away. 💔😭 Ahmed is slowly dying in Gaza. His fever won’t stop, his wounds are worsening, and he suffers unbearable pain, weakness, and vomiting. He can barely eat, sleep, or breathe. Please don’t leave him alone. Even $5 could help save his life. 🙏 chuffed.org/project/1839...

The IOF is still bombing Gaza. Please help Eyad and his family survive this genocide. chuffed.org/project/iyad...

My mother was injured in Gaza and needs a metal plate in her leg. Please help me get her treatment. My mother desperately needs your donations and assistance. bit.ly/4auK43q

"My child and I are living through unbearable hardships in Gaza.I was injured in my leg and my tent was burned.🙏👇🏼My child and I have lost everything:our home, our safety,my husband,and our stability. All we have left is hope in God and then in your compassionate hearts.😭" chuffed.org/project/1730...

Samaa's trying to secure $300 to buy medicine, clothes, and basic necessities for her young daughters. In these difficult times, providing even the simplest things has become a daily challenge. Any support, no matter how small, makes a huge difference in there lives. chuffed.org/project/1575...

Nature whores a vacuum

In a mirror, you may kiss yourself... but only on the lips...

Hold me close and tell me everything’s going to be ok

People keep asking me if I’m in the Supreme Court and I go no, I’m a flasher and I lift up my long black robes to expose my penis

thought of some more people we should kill

The Supreme Court is giving black robes a bad name but my white robes are all covered in red stains

Just refinanced my home mortgage as per the financial advice encoded via backmasking in the Hawkwind song The Wizard Blew His Horn

My buddy Warrior On The Edge Of Time just confessed to me that he stole his whole schtick from a hawkwind album. Don’t know what to believe anymore

I think I bought skooma off an elf that looked just like James carville at some point

Wow this blew up. The Ocarina of Time remake should have a pussy eating minigame

My great grandfather was a Starbucks shift leader at Antietam but he would never tell us which side

Every American claims to be some kind of high ranking official at a Starbucks inside a grocery store

The problem with the memory sciences is that there’s never been a word for a unit of memory. This linguistic imprecision allows the pseudoscience of nostalgia to thrive

Morning sky report: Trees reportedly unharmed by flesh eating mists forecast to roll through today 😮‍💨

(Guy who thinks voting means contracting gaudy STIs from various extradimentsional and extraterrestrial beings) don’t blame me I voted till my dick looked like nerds rope

Ginger Avocado Cucumber Soba Mixed greens Cilantro Peanut butter Lemons

The Montavilla Self Dentistry Academy

When I was in high school one of my classmates got cancer so we all shaved our heads and said we had problems with his race