I wish I could spit on Sydney Sweeney. Non sexual. Ideological spitting.

You protect your mom’s neck and chest area from food with that bib playboy?

I poured some milk and chia seeds in my oats after world war 2 for overneoliberalism oats and I’m finally putting my bib on to eat

Sydney Sweeney, Kevin Sorbo, Jon Voight….. I never want to see any of your tits again!

End of an epoch oats

The accelerationist position is that all this keening and wailing is probably good even if it does make the neighborhood dogs bark

Did you know there’s never been a president with less than 50k of medical debt? Voters don’t trust a candidate who’s not willing to tell a hospital fuck you

Medical debt is a ladder

Now that the moon isn’t in the sky anymore I feel safe admitting that I never liked tides

Let people obliterate things

Is she…. you know….. forbidden to eat the grapefruit?

The beast in me plays too much

adding a second trepan hole to get a cross breeze going

Let me be a disruptive presence in the classroom of your heart

The road to the western lands runs through the office park

Rise from your hovel and present the aspect of war playboy

Radiohead should never have taught those computers to sing

The fountainhead is a type of squirter

I’d like to begin tonight with a moon acknowledgment. She’s up there. Let’s proceed.

Who is John Clit

Medical debt is a test and if you pay it down you fail

It probably wouldn’t even be that hard to introduce rabies to England if you were a highly motivated self starter

Michael Maltese: got a new one for you boss. He’s a French skunk Tex Avery: and who does he fuck Michael Maltese: uhhh…. Other skunks? Tex Avery: not good enough

Michael Maltese intended Pepe le Pew to be a normal skunk who happened to enjoy fucking cats but then the bignoses at Warner brothers were like ‘what if the cats didn’t want it’

Watched a documentary about Pepe and it was legit sad. He never even got to fuck that cat. His creator was devastated.

The secret to alchemy is that most combinations of two things will make mustard gas If you mix them except for lead and the pope’s blood which makes gold and daytime television and benzos which makes race science

Light switches where up means on make me want to kill myself

(Pauly Shore voice) the Clintonnss

I learned how to dropship from Steal This Book

A little anarchists cookbook for you guys

If you mix pizza with root beer it makes napalm

If you mix fresh mozzarella with tomatoes and some basil it makes bird flu

If you mix chocolate and peppermint it makes anthrax

If you mix rhymes with simple melodies it makes mustard gas

If you mix rhythm with blues it makes mustard gas

If you mix white tic tacs and orange tic tacs it makes mustard gas

If you mix vodka and soda it makes mustard gas

Have you tried only working three days a week and eating nothing but beans about it

Fuck my stupid ass patients. Anecdotal, of course

As a doctor I wasn’t doing great at making my own patients healthy so I decided to pivot to making every single person in the world who wasn’t my patients sicker. It’s called relativistic medicine

Guys let’s all go to heaven

Book of the new sun for algernon

Note: A previous version of this article referred to the subject in a disparaging tone. The author has since developed loving-kindness for all sentient beings and revised the article accordingly.

Before ok go if you wanted to walk in a music video you had to do it on the ground. Maybe you’d get to go over a car if you were the guy in the verve, MAYBE.

Debbie Duh’s Dallas

Healthy relationships need one person who smokes weed all day every day and one person who can never ever smoke weed again even once. Sometimes there are a bunch of other people too, no judgment

Filament ran out halfway through printing myself a smile

Sorry if my breath stinks. My altoid tin is being renovated

Cook book has recipes in it but a cook chair has a guy crying and jacking off in it? Never seemed right to me

Rinse out that bowl playboy. What if you want to eat more bowl foods later and don’t want to start fresh bowl