I did everything right. I lived in a can redemption state and I kissed my fellow man upon his head and said thank you for your light

There’s a freaking unreliable narrator in the white house

I was in the child soldier equivalent to a gifted program, we were called Sword of Cherubs

jody!

they should stop boxing weight classes an just rate everyone by keebler elf ability

I try not to retweet self a lot but then sometimes I’m like I wonder how many times I’ve posted about the Keebler elves and the answer is 75

Ten thousand books about elves and not one single one of them about Ernie Keebler this world is not my home

I like books about elves but I don’t like it when they give them stupid ass names

I don’t even like Book of the New Sun. No elves.

I really want to change my first name to Skubb but I’m worried people would think it’s a gender thing

Fucking piece of shit skubb world

gas station cashier told me gas like the honey of man an gas station the hive

Two Successful Emails and a Dud

I have no natural predators except for people who drive dodges

We must secure the existence of our people and

The trick is to take every emotion you have and turn them all into pity

Back when people were doing vision boards mine was just pictures of headstones and soda

Someday I’ll go out for a bike ride and you’ll never hear from me again

I was conceived at a ampm but my mom had to waddle down the way to a Jackson’s to give birth because she didn’t want me to be Arco trash

Going back to the gas station I was born at to die

figure with necessities

I don’t feel any pain at the pump at all. Starting to worry I may have pump leprosy

Gas expensive again. Hold your loved ones close

Can I try to guess your address

People who don’t live in can redemption states are ontologically evil

Me and Ed gein and LBJ

Father’s Day has one hour and two minutes more daylight than Mother’s Day. Black history month type situation

Mother’s Day power rankings 2026 1) women with children 2) children 3) men 4) other 5) women without children

The worst part about killing your dad is explaining to your mom that you don’t want to smash and you just wanted to eat his big jar of m&ms

The true mint head realizes that a cool mouth is the only thing standing between them and the stinking hell of warm wet meat

If I worked in a open floor plan office with free snacks I’d probably let it go to my head too

I would come out of those world war one trenches looking like a kardashian

The Philadelphia 76ers havent made it to a conference finals since Francis Fukuyama declared the end of history

Not too worried, if shit ever hits the fan for real I’ll just cover myself in poison and go live among the dart frogs

I sleep in jeans to hide the fact that I’m an emotionally vulnerable person

little lamb grocery expert

The Heart Is A Grocery Desert of Love and other stories

I feel like I gave birth to all of you

I’m Johnny Knoxville and this is wander along sandymount strand contemplating the difference between reality and reality as it is presented to me by my senses

After I realized nobody was going to teach me to drive it was like well I guess there’s nothing stopping me from being drunk for the next 20 years

Hallmark invented mothers to sell you brunch

I wish i could come out of every woman so they could all be my mother

I’m living rent free in your womb

My mom used to get so angry when I would tell people I was vatgrown

Mother’s Day can be too easy for some people. Put some broken glass in their shoes

If the mother sees her shadow it’s six more weeks of unconditional love. If she doesn’t….. well have you heard of desertification of the heart?

Mother’s Day can be difficult for tulpas

China

Me: girl forget project Hail Mary I want to do project real mary I want to know what it’s like to exist in your head and in your heart My date Marepee: that sounds lovely but I think you may be mistaken about the some of specifics of my name Me: no matter girl, first question what is your age