we gotta start calling people pipsqueaks again

Certain weather outside is frightful

water bottle influencers coming to blows over ‘straw mouthfeel’

i wish i was a big ugly pelican flying low over the water scooping up some fish. i bet that feels dope as hell

A bookmark will keep your place, a bookhark will tell you where you're going

Boyfriend imagining the blacksmiths young and buxom daughter whilst I imagine the ancient entity who’s name sparks fear into the hearts of villagers

if you were lying about liking big butts Baby Got Back is the exact song you'd write

wizard in teh streets uhhhh wizard in the sheets

As an empty husk I always enjoy seeing where I’ll end up whenever there’s a blustery wind

Very basic painting of some flowers from the garden at work

Her: Describe your perfect date Me: It's cold outside, I'm under a blanket, I've never played the GBA Castlevanias before and just fired up Circle of the Moon. You're there, of course, doing something you enjoy.

The shapes in the trees are threatening to eat the teeth right out of my head again. "We have many mouths, and they hunger for your maw stones. Open wide and become a gummy bitch." Tried cutting down the trees but the HOA has snipers everywhere. Shot my thumb off. This is what my fees are going to?

Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time

Bath addicts be like “Just one more near fainting episode as I ascend from the scalding waters of this cleansing vessel”

hey my roommate's out. you want to come listen to the rite of spring and get scared?

We live in a time, but also in a place… or perhaps both. And lots of things are like this

the only acceptable ways to greet a homie who's sitting down are forehead kiss or hair ruffle

Just got a great discount on my fresh produce. Well worth waiting for the influx of vegetables from the cursed harvest this year. Some of them may be oozing a mysterious green sludge but I’m not fussy

I think aliens are real but they don’t have any special knowledge or foresight. When they come to some guy and say like, “Humans unite. Atlantis real,” they’re just telling us stuff they saw on alien Reddit

Night apple: plain local Fuji. Used to be one of my favorites before I knew about heirlooms. Crisp and juicy but whatever

me, flirting: you seem like the type of person who would ignore a system of warnings

while hiking a slope in the afternoon heat, I crossed paths with a foraging short-beaked echidna, my first monotreme in the wild

Day into night into day etc.

furtive leaf meal followed by a spirited sprint back into the burrow 🤙

falls of feugh all autumny plus bonus leaping salmon

I need an aloof wife to spit in my mouth to shift the vibes

Boyfriend drew a massive pentagram on the ceiling AND salted the threshold so I’ve basically been immobile all day

Normalize mysterious anomalies

Goodnight

he's got a stuffy nose

Cheerios lower cholesterol but they raise blood sugar. Death leers out at me from every crevice.

(Seeing your tentative grasp on reality) Use the included hand-holds, bromigo. (Punching in the cardboard hand-holds for you), Lift with your bee's knees..

being on the internet should be illegal

They’re not letting me into the town square again unless I promise to stop luring children down the well

My gloomy octopus friend has started hanging out in sun dappled shallows and vibing euro pop I’m really worried about him

adding a second trepan hole to get a cross breeze going

anybody going crazy for colors and flavors this evening?

where are all the draculas

I’d like to begin tonight with a moon acknowledgment. She’s up there. Let’s proceed.

Dear Diary, Today I met a man covered with skin.

Art by • Tim Gerstmar

Queso fries

nice immaterial soul you got there. be a real shame if some body