Fans of Christmas are in for a treat tomorrow

Imaging the capers that would have led to someone juggling with bowling pins for the first time. Haha, what a night that would have been 😂😂😂

Santa Claus is the greatest and most dangerous wizard of all

🌨️𝖎𝖙🌨️𝖎𝖘🌨️𝖘𝖓𝖔𝖜𝖎𝖓𝖌🌨️ ☃️🌲☃️❄️☃️🌲❄️🌲☃️

Weary gentlemen have more right to rest just my opinion

asking for a friend

Ideas will warm the mind of your heart

Im addicted to vision quests

rube is cube

pov u just asked where im based

excited to be alive in the era of The Enemy

sorry i'm late i had to diminish and go into the West

watching in stunned silence while a rube goldberg machine destroys my house and everything in it

running outside into the street to yell "Rube Goldberg Variations" and then going back inside to be normal again

Constructing a set of vast interconnecting underground tunnels for all my mutuals for Christmas

lying awake determining how best to cast my pets in a nativity tableau

sorry boss, can‘t today. yep, exactly. evil tuesday

using an infrared scope to observe the plume rising from your plumbing vent. you’re in the shower. i furtively enter your home to clean the countertops for the first time in history. i know you’ve been so busy arguing on the computer..

I'm highlighting intelligent gems

Wake up! It's the big deadline today! And you missed it! It was yesterday!

clicking the "Discard" option in my Worldly Attachments, Desires, and Poisons app

Knock knock Who’s there Chicago bean Chicago bean who Chicago bean world tour coming to your house today

Happy Holidays fam! I wanted to pop on real quick and share some stuff I made up about childhood diseases

[meditation script] may all shrews be enlightened. may all shrews be loved. may all shrews be at peace. may all shrews be wormed or kept free of parasites in some other way

for sale: baby shrews, never worn

This is you in the punishment cube and you’re not getting out. ⛓️⛓️⛓️ ⛓️🥺⛓️ ⛓️⛓️⛓️

"The Humanities"... my God. One was bad enough, and now you want MORE?

(trapped in an invisible cube) i must not fear. fear is the mime killer

fish fear me. deer despise me. i’m pretty much pariah in the forest realm

[dune voice]: i must not fear. fear is a real bummer

fear is the scare doer

"Tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection." Nope, I won't.

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼 🌼🌼🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🐿️ 🌼🌱🌱🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼 🌼🌱🌼🌼🌰🌱🌼🌻🌼 🌼🌱🌼🌼🌼🌱🌼🌻🌻 🌼🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌼🌼🌼 🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌷🌻

just had my mind blown

historical origin of the word “poggers”

you’re goin to baby jones’ locker bro

top 10 own business minder

*synthesizing a chimera* I'm making heads and tails of it

for the faith-based joker, holy mackerel is just regular mackerel

don’t care + i’m in my pajamas + i’m in bed + my fake fireplace space heater is on

Guys the portent of dread has low key turned into auspiciousness

i’m going to become the faith-based joker

asking The Six Million Dollar Man if i can borrow some money

They hate to see a peaceful realm thriving

Photos of me in the epsteing files but im shaking my head the whole time