I Fell into the Spike Pit at ButterBone Hollow and All I Got Is This Bitter Wailing

Your mind fills with visions of traditional cask ales, stored at cellar temperature and ready for pouring.

r.i.p. Pelvis Frampton. died of inhaling word air

You are a fool to walk around like that.

new guy dropped (performance gamer)

the Type O Negative shirt i got on ebay may be too much for the workplace

Let’s do another end of the world in a couple weeks cool?

asking everyone at the office to call me GiantDad

good morning beautiful:)

funny you should ask

starting my new internship!😄 (i am being interned as an enemy combatant)

everyone's got that one enemy who needs to be destroyed utterly

logging on to spend 10hrs coldly and calmly making the Friend-Enemy distinction

excited to be alive in the era of The Enemy

the Piper at the Gates of Dawn has made an enemy of the whole village. dawn is too damn early for piping

interrogating my new followers to figure out which of them has been sent by The Enemy

if anyone needs me i'll be making irreversible friend/enemy distinctions

"what do we mean by the defeat of the enemy? Simply the destruction of his forces, whether by death, injury, or any other means—either completely or enough to make him stop fighting". "..." "sorry. welcome to Yarn Barn how can i help you today"

personally i think the solution to my vague and directionless anxiety is to invent novel perils and conjecture hidden threats

reading Carl Schmitt's The Concept of the Political and tilting my head ambiguously the whole time so the people on the bus know I'm struggling to disagree with it

we're abolishing time starting with when i'm late

look. when i say i will call in x number of minutes i think it's pretty obvious that what i mean is i will call in almost exactly twice that time

lookin scrutable bro

interesting. that reminds me of a cave i once imagined might exist

[guy who has to individually carry out more discrete, complex, temporally disconnected and rewardless tasks than ever required in human history]: i think i have adhd

Eating shadowed lumps

[voice reverent] that's Flamen

all i'm asking is for everyone to continually adapt to my inscrutable and ever-changing needs

nice friday. lemme guess, good?

[youth pastor voice] you know who else had a "good" friday?

hope everyone is having a "good" friday

final girl dinner

You have to hand it to dark spirits of the nether realm

This was the first historical instance where 2 people agreed. Prior to that all people had disagreed

If you want revenge, then dig two graves. the first one is a practice grave to get a feel for it and the second is your main or "show grave"

if anyone needs me i'll be here

They taught a robot to chug it's pudding clean aff - here's why investors are scrambling

perfect discount last forever

a wise man would offer me colas three. for myself and two others

If you don't understand something, it's a wonderful opportunity to identify huge deficits in your character and intellect, and to internalise a strong sense of shame.

i have to be an hour late to work sometimes for my health

People will shout your name in public, not realising that they're interrupting you sitting quietly.

you thought you won the argument, however, i have already depicted you as a hungry weasel and myself as a big yak

oh you want me to learn your programming language? you want me to wander the halls of your symbolic labyrinth? like i don't have my own mind maze to run?

sexy photographs? no thanks 🫷 the only "thirst trap" i want to see is the unending, pitiless desert

What the ant experiences as cosmic horror, the entomologist experiences as dramatic irony.

did you know that “unc” actually means “unclear” because no one knows what it means

all of you are saved in my phone as My Best Friend