nightylamp
@nightmare-fueler.bsky.social
📤 2512
📥 462
📝 17905
Writer for The Economist i'll save everyone they/she · 29
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this is how i wake up everyday
about 2 months ago
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i would sooner breathe air than piss in a toilet. thats because i breathe at a higher frequency than i piss.
11 minutes ago
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no tiktok, i will not be searching that
about 1 hour ago
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reposted by
nightylamp
little lamb
about 2 hours ago
Jokes are a defense mechanism like a gun or a bad smell
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add a skeleton here at some point
about 3 hours ago
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guys im so behind Schedule (this joke would be a lot funnier if i had set it up properly. "Schedule" is the name of the guy i'm standing behind in line to the clock-in machine)
about 3 hours ago
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jerking off at the museum and telling people im just one of the exhibits
about 4 hours ago
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whats scarier? five nights freddy or funtime penis in ur ass?
about 4 hours ago
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going to the bathroom and your ghost appears from the last time you played on this map
about 8 hours ago
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i'd gladly bowl tuesday for a soup today
about 8 hours ago
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its 5 o'clock somewhere.. except for The Timeless Realm
about 8 hours ago
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convincing my senile grandpa he's a robot
about 8 hours ago
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when i go outside everyone keeps throwing bombs at me
about 8 hours ago
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theres a stranger in my house and their name is nightylamp
about 8 hours ago
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nobody wants to know the guy who can shoot lasers from his penis. thats just not cool man.
about 13 hours ago
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im getting surgery to make my butthole smaller. my doctor says he wants it the size of a pinhole. he says he wants it to hurt when i fart.
about 16 hours ago
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who the hell is terry and why do we have so many of their towels?
about 18 hours ago
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reposted by
nightylamp
jakeslop
about 19 hours ago
how I learned to stop worrying and love the lamp
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you can blow your friends, and you can blow your nose, but you cant blow your friends nose. also something about you dont get to blow your family i think.
about 19 hours ago
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if i was the master of four elements those elements would be pissin', shittin', and fuckin'. the last element would be only known to me and i would wield it when things get serious.
about 19 hours ago
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Let's all love nightylamp
about 19 hours ago
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if it feels like im absent from online its because i am, and you miss me. i am a keystone figure in your life.
about 19 hours ago
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reposted by
nightylamp
JLP
1 day ago
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check it out im in the house im in the house like carpet like carpet like carpet like carpet
1 day ago
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more like Disco Easy-Peasyium
1 day ago
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some things just dont need to be said. like "fingledywarch", because thats not a word.
1 day ago
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Poptropica-based Social Order
1 day ago
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world of farts: best horse farts
1 day ago
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if i had a third eye id probably just use it to look at things normally
1 day ago
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really cool how your body just makes stones in various parts. thats like the one thing you dont want inside there is stones. stop making them.
1 day ago
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potty training is a funny thing humans do. its a big fucking hole in the building reserved for one thing only, how difficult can it be? they'll figure it out eventually
1 day ago
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Thank god Padmé died cuz imagine being married to Darth Vader, the loudest snorer in the galaxy
1 day ago
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once upon a midnight dreary while i pondered, weekend weary
1 day ago
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something wicked thataway goes
1 day ago
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something wicked this way. its over here.
1 day ago
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heterosexuals within a 5 foot radius of me evaporate
1 day ago
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travelling faster than a photon to accept my Lighttime Achievement award
2 days ago
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pissing on the floor of the boardroom meeting to assert my incontinence
2 days ago
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please dont interact, this is engagement bait
2 days ago
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i just woke up from a coma, what did i miss
2 days ago
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its not a real lumbar injury if its not from the Lumber region of Home Depot
2 days ago
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i got pain on that part of the spine, near the bottom. the scrotum i think its called
2 days ago
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reposted by
nightylamp
gallant
2 days ago
They should make a toilet where the poop gets sucked up from the bowl and sprayed all over your neck and back from the top of the tank
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why is my water chunky
2 days ago
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please donate to my GoFuckMe
2 days ago
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*ring ring* Yes?... mhmm.. ok.. yes, ok.. Its for you, its Mr. Fortnite
2 days ago
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please hold my hands guys im about to fly into space
2 days ago
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im inventing a new way to become amazing
2 days ago
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bro was driving a tesla delivering amazon packages
2 days ago
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alright buddy, you've cummed inside my wife for the last time..
2 days ago
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i find bobs burgers annoying
2 days ago
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