kidneys probably love filtering shit tbh

one man's trash is another man

I just watched Folding Ideas latest video and he ends it on a sour note and specifically addresses that yeah it doesnt need a hopeful or happy message at the end, sometimes something can just be bad and left at that.

the latest bluesky update brought us a poorly implemented "live" notification and a poorly implemented stock link feature. i can only assume that the bluesky devs schedules consists 80% of paid, mandatory circle-jerks.

going to mcdonalds and telling the weakest looking employee theyre legally obligated to do the "ronald dance" for me

sharks i come here today with with a simple pitch: i'm lost and ibwet my pant. help mme

mom is making me watch marcello hernandez standup. extremely hard to find funny.

if you ever feel like a major fuck up, Alicia Keys sang an entire song instead of helping a lady who was on fire

feeling like a true scotsman right now, unlike everyone else

[mario voice] "the pikmin sing for me, not for you eggman"

taking a class on time travel but the teacher never has time to explain anything

[DNC war room] Damn that orange, orange man... Chief of Norway, prepare to deploy our wokest liberals from the S.C.O.L.D. program

showering is so nice, its like being assaulted by 50 tiny firemen who are trying to kill you with boiling hot water [turning to the window remorsefully] something that i have.. regrettably.. experienced firsthand..

spending 10 days out in the wilderness and completely forgetting how to use a toilet on my return to civilization

[116 minutes into Jordan Peele's 2019 blockbuster film] "This is going to be the end of Us.."

the reason trump wants greenland is because thats where the icewall at the end of the earth is located

And 35 Others is a beautiful name for a girl

see, this is why i only play amazing games and win amazing prizes

just got recommened 12 new videos by my tiktok algo, so i'll be busy with those if you need me

i just went dead on bluesky

is this that anime y’all are always talking about

i need to go to sleep. poognight.

i just woke up to everyone pooging at 1am

i bought something online and something amazing happened next

asking my boss why my peepee feels weird when i see his wife

everytime my mom talks to me i just mumble "momslop" under my breathe and she's just not getting the memo

asking my boss how babies are made

last worm on the block

haha because he will put his penis in your vagina. i get it.

friend, put the gun down.. and pick up The Ultra Gun

i wish if you held back your shits it was like charging your ability and you could let it all out at once for bonus damage

its called the depthstar because it was the first 3D opject cought on camera

i need to send a memail. i want to get a memail. everyone see that memail chain? i love memail.

i want to be more combative on here. i want to be put on 30 lists by the same user who has too much time on their hands.

[lancelot going undercover] "so whats the knight life like around here?"

You guys have always been live to me

everyone is the hero and villain of their own story. except me, im more like "the cool guy" of my story.

[pedophile trying to be relateable] everyone is the protagonist from lolita of their own story

if nobody got me i know sheev got me

craft beer? um, whats the recipe?

going to turkey to get a hair transplant but they hate your fuckass so they just inoculate your scalp with cow shit

very upset about a bad movie i just watched in a dream i had

got my daybed, new sheets + mattresses

jerking hard or hardly jerking?

if i were a scallop i'd use all 200 eyes to look at you

$MONEY

i love a lady with a big hat

cars are the cause of every modern societal ill