ive just been assuming i know what most words mean. its worked out so far.

ive been 14-0 on gummy shark kills today

i think it'll be any day now that a stunningly beautiful lady will fall in love with me, a faceless account that has an anime girl as their pfp and makes mid-tier posts.

when you buy 2

I love living in a time where every word in the English language is also the name of twelve different nebulously purposed apps

everyone is following me because they love me :)

[replying to a thirst trap] dayum girl! i'd lick my phone screen right now, but ive cummed on it too much to know better than that..

for pride month, ladies 🫣... my DMs are closed, dont try to talk to me. men, dont talk to me too but that was always in effect.

all i see is donuts when i look at this. theres nothing else this evokes.

ok so dont get mad but... i just described your vibe to someone as 'homely'

do NOT look up "hole" on the gif search i actively forgot about the innuendo despite making the same joke moments before

Jaundice Films presents...

the best defense is a good offense, they say. thats why i trigger a heart attack every day to keep it on its toes.

they fixed a bug. neutered bug.

i have a bit of a freaking potty mouth

a series of events has occurred. and guess what? theyre not fortunate at all.

i havent seen obsession but i keep seeing "how bear should have wished" and afaik its kinda like a monkeys paw thing, right? like you get the wish but theres a specificity to it that can be unfortunate. it seems a lot of these people are just creating a new horror to deal with by how they change it.

you dont understand mom, the ladies on Goddess of Victory: Nikke.. they love me...

asking the target employee if they have any Orbs of Endless Peering in stock

My life would be so much poorer without God's mightiest warriors, lesbians

putting on scrubs and going around telling people they have 1 week to live

uuuuugh

VIP nightylamp

"hey 15 year old, whats your opinion on stupid shit?" you couldnt even ask that question 20 years ago. now you dont even ask they just tell you, and its called "content". theres a 30 second ad in the middle too.

you guys would tell me if im swag , right?

ok its getting to that part of the tiktok scroll where i realize everyone just wants to live in some harold purple crayon ass world where their baby opinions on fake shit matter

yes babe ill go to sleep.. right after this video of a guy getting something removed from his foot..

scratching a notch into my bedpost but for all the times i slept alone and its beginning to look like a psychopath's prison cell

somehow piss and poop has returned

i actually want to watch the backrooms cuz i do find the concept of the backrooms fun and interesting and i never really liked the "levels" kinda algorithmslop that got tacked on

i am full of seeds

nap? oh, you mean sleepslop? yeah ive heard of it

i have a friend who makes a very delicious banana biscoff pudding in just bring it up because im having some right now

at some point comedians become numb to all the laughs. they dont find jokes funny anymore. all of it is just cold, calculated business to them. the mark of a true comedian is stoic resignation.

accidentally been flirting with the linkedin ai chat for the past twenty minutes fml

guys whats the rub

heaven hath no peace like a man honored

going to a dnd game and taking a shower at their house during the middle if it

thats why i stay strapped

i find the texture of chia seeds in my drink pleasant. its like enrichment time for me.

imma start squeezin yuh

If you give a tree a fall in a forest, it'll ask for no one to be around to hear it.

welcome to the internet

drinking chia seeds and shooting them out my penis like a machine gun

ive been in the water

getting extremely pregnant about it

i see jack black in my nightmares. its just me and him in a dark room. every night hes a different character, and he's making his signature noises. every night he gets closer to me, and i can see the darkness that fills the room reflected in his eyes.

you aint from the hood if you never done this before grabs your thighs gently peppering your neck with little kisses spit clumsily tumbling from my quivering lips as i pull back to press mine against yours while my smaller than the usual male hand strokes your growing cock

wow, youre really good at playing mermaids.. can i, perhaps, get your number?

you are chopped and have no motion twin 何だよ