[guy i hired to act like a noir detective] "love? love is a midnight trainride home that you just missed. love is a box of chocolates set to expire on february 13th. thats what love is..."

[havent read the news recently] i am harry dresden

asking my doctor what does it mean when youre in love

A Guest Unbitten

i bought all these porn games and i still have to play them and jerk myself off? at some point you'd think my investments would pay off

looking up "crime" on google and getting so pissed off my head explodes

hawk tuah anyone said this?

its all chinese to me. this chinese food.

[entering your house but your house is different than mine] what is this? a chinese house?

[seeing a slightly different computer] what is this? a chinese computer?

Obama 💯 reacted your message

a chinese bull in a china shop

anyone want to play chinese checkers in a chinese finger trap while i fiddle with my chinese blocks?

A Jacob's ladder (also magic tablets, Chinese blocks, and klick-klack toy[1]) is a folk toy consisting of blocks of wood held together by strings or ribbons

replying "lol im going to hell for laughing at this" but thats because i was on my phone in line at the pearly gates and saint peter literally saw me

i need to tell my parents to stop introducing me as "a tsundere"

where is that beautiful automobile this is not my large house this is not my large wife

anyone want to have sex? my schedule is currently open for the next 5 minutes or so

over the boulder shoulder holder

For first time ever, Worldbuilders discover there are more heraldic animals than wolves

[gif reply of the hulk running really fast with the caption "me on my way to fuck your wife" to some liberal with a bad take] [account with 55k followers and 125k following] "if he was orange that would be drumf"

crafting my most wel made erection yet

realtor asking their friend to help their business by spreading the word about houses

sorry, cant post right now. theres a frickin cheeto in the office

spoiler alert they shoot the dog point blank in Marley & Me. its like the first ten minutes

bungie jumping off the edge of my bed

no protestants, catholicism doesnt count as a mental disorder

crazy how this doesnt get labeled by the mods. ive been jerking off to this since it was posted

"No way. Fuck off."

the tides answer to me, playboy

if anything bad happened i would honestly start screaming and crying

had a dream that everyone was a type of crayon and my boss was donald trump and he was orange. he called me into his office where he was sleeping and i asked what he wanted and he said "lets talk in my dream"

theyre replacing my body with robots now. im all robots

i do not like that little thing from pragmata. nothing ive seen from that game looks good enough to justify having that thing around.

traumatic stress disorder. thats it, thats the post

ok i figured out how to be naked, problem solved

lead, lead, and lead are all pronounced the same and mean the same thing cuz i wrote it 3 times

telling my parents im putting myself in "time in"

NOBODY TOUCH ME

idk how to get naked

we go together like fries and relish-mayo

guy sitting in the cuck chair asking the guy eating his wife out if he's gonna finish that

porn

let's all come on this website for 5 minutes a day and not have very much to say

driving behind a jeep with the sticker "men who drive jeeps have the best pussy" and trying to decypher if theyre trans and funny or cis and annoying

No more Mr. Guy

im stealing my grandpa's chud shirt

chudjacketing

i looked up "im declaring war on fat gay kids" because i saw the rfk video and i wanted to verify it. why tf does the wiki article for "woman" show up on the first page of google?

asking Geppetto why he didnt make something cooler than Pinocchio