Hey man, me and some of the guys were gonna go out and let the perfect be the enemy of the good tonight. Been a while, we’d love to see you

Mʏ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ɪs Oᴢʏᴍᴀɴᴅɪᴀs, Kɪɴɢ ᴏꜰ Kɪɴɢs; Lᴏᴏᴋ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ Wᴏʀᴋs, ʏᴇ Mɪɢʜᴛʏ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅɪs Pᴀɪʀ ᴏꜰ Nᴜᴛssss!

When I die I’m gonna ask God to show me on the tv the 5 closest things to the trolley problem that ever actually happened

I love when some shit is but for some other shit

Guy who says he was actually most upset about the Big Bopper

Are there even as many as three songs about a kangaroo

Just got corriged

I think being able to monitor everything that’s going on in our bodies throughout the day would pretty much cause enlightenment

I have no enemies. My only enemies are people with enemies. Everybody has enemies so everybody is my enemy. I have the most enemies so im my biggest enemy

Couple drafts to purge

My tummy is at present unbelievably achesome

There should be Assyriology bros

Stoicism bros should get really into Mesopotamian wisdom literature instead

Above all else, humans love eating alliums

People on twitter use the word “deeply”

Mʏ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ɪs Oᴢʏᴍᴀɴᴅɪᴀs, Kɪɴɢ ᴏꜰ Kɪɴɢs; Lᴏᴏᴋ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ Wᴏʀᴋs, ʏᴇ Mɪɢʜᴛʏ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅɪs Pᴀɪʀ ᴏꜰ Nᴜᴛssss!

Wu-Tang is the sweetie that I Scrabble with

I can’t believe my cars making me check The engine I’m tired fuck this I’m going on the interstate I don't need this shit

I sure hope a little seahorse doesn’t float past me in the water and say neigh /sarcasm

White clothes are fuckin difficult dude

There’s oirland and then there’s eyerland. What’s up with that

So, Sally can wait, she’ll just have to wait as she’s walkin on byyy Her dog, passed away

I think life is only real while you’re walking

Jackin slack or slackly jackin?

You gotta jump everywhere till you can jump anywhere, that's what i always say

“Elvis” is the craziest name for a guy who’s Elvis

Why must hot piss steam upon night’s grass?

i like to think of snoop dogg not just as a business associate but a close personal friend. that way, when i finally meet him, ill already have the right mindset

firing a gun in the air to get everyone's attention and then getting shy

second wish: take it all back. the money, the fame, the power, all of it! third wish: twice as much money, fame, power, etc

You know exactly who

My brother in law sends me a text about Wolf Blitzer every 6 months or so. I don’t hear from him otherwise

I just beat the baltimore ravens 41–40 in a stunning upset gaining 16 points in the last five minutes of the game

Sensodyne might be the name of a Victorian washing girl in an aristocratic home