remembering when Google gave me this search suggestion and I didnt know who to tell about it

you can learn a lot about a girl from her pharmacy

going to the club at 28 years old, forgetting my ID and not getting let in because "she look like a baby bro" was not that humiliating actually

Mixing dayquil and nyquil to make a little something I like to call, "Quil"

You can eat gluten if you overcome your negative state of mind

Christ is short for Christina

is this all I am to you? just an account that occasionally posts mids?

@grok make me perfect

I'm on a seersucker diet, I see er I suck er

Throw that ass in a squoval

Let's make this boathouse a boat home <3

You mean I left my two daughters, Clarity and Purpose, in the club with you and you're not with them? You don't know where they are?

thefiberfreak has liked 2 of your fabrics

Backrooms got me scared to use dark mode on my phone

Sidecar ass watch

had a dream God fined a little girl an exorbitant amount ($1)

tautological shit is like, well that's that

belt that is also a watch #milliondollaridea #sharktank @mcuban.bsky.social

was gonna make a joke about how we put worms in space but found something funnier and it's Israel crashing worms into the moon

It would be so swag and #awesome if I learned how to breathe normally again

Two sparrows at the feeder: they are on a date. Three or more sparrows at the feeder: they are having a party. Only one guy? He is simply enjoying life.

If a mouse snitches on you does that make it a rat

"What do you do for work?" primarily I am annoying

at first I didn't like my haircut but now it's growing on me

Im so happy for her 🥰

Sartre:

pulling up to the drive thru speaker and asking for the ocean bathed in all its inhabitants

i kinda love myself ngl. i'm awesome

How did ladies from the 30's fit their phones in those tiny ass beaded bags omg

Pretty convenient how I got the only accent that sounds normal

Salad would be good. if it wasnt for the damn lettuce

I need to sit on a porch swing listening to the relentless summer crickets ASAP

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO TAKING AN AFTERNOON NAP

they just announced they are letting people be sexually attracted to me now

> be united states > get rid of every manufacturing job > become service-sector only economy > invest billions in making all service workers obsolete Someone please help me my economy is dying

Vaguely remembered struggling to post something while half asleep this morning and checked my drafts and it was this

need a man to destroy

dying is just going from human being to human been

your 20's are for getting hotter every year

I am perfect, but - alas - only human,

bookmarking this for next winter: Chicago snowplow named Affirmative Traction

I Know He Be Running the Military Like It's a McDonald's

Two bowls of cereal away from texting my 5mo situationship "i kinda want a baby"

Well these hoes aren't gonna scare themselves

2007 was 19 years ago

Every company incorporated after 2007 is fake

a hand in the pussy is worth two in the bush

I hope AI destroys every job and all economies and every trace of human knowledge so we must remake society from first principles

Would you rather bite the hand that feeds you or kiss the hand that starves you