if you reverse the footage from that ring commercial you can experience the sinister purpose of the app: banishing dogs forever and ensuring they can never return home with the power of the cloud

(Giving you a warm hug) i don’t care about you.

practicing respectfully setting boundaries by saying "no thank you" to every restaurant as i pass by when i'm not hungry

bottle, sip, bottle, guzzle to pass me you must solve my puzzle

Acuras are so funny. Here's my huge brightly-lit button that says "D/s" right in the middle of the console

good morning irritants

glass is made of stone. just fyi. asshole

people should be electrocuted for no reason

casting spells at you but they all use really familiar royalty free sound effects

participation is joy

This cartoon has been rejected so much by so many magazines

searching for posts that say "ai" and adding everyone who hates it to a list is so funny. roko's basilisk is not going to suck you from the back

i worry i've left the realm of relatability again

which one of my muted posts is going off today

not too much on the little spanish flea

Oops I'm running a game jam! Make an RPG using pre-made maps; figure out how to give it your own spin without changing any of the tiles. Feel free to join in on the fun! itch.io/jam/cookie-c...

everyone collectively made the decision on Jan 1st to be the most irritating they can be to me specifically

covid is still going on i want $1000 from tha government

i think it's basically evil to be attracted to me if it's not mutual

This photo is funnier than it has any business being people.com/hairdresser-...

one last chance god. send the bears to karaoke

"Tell me you know nothing about the Muppets without telling me you know nothing about the Muppets."

Holy shit, the Alan Arkin episode of THE MUPPET SHOW is incredible. He gets dosed w/ some Dr. Jekyll serum & spends the rest of the episode going apeshit attacking Muppets.

this dj sucks it's time to go

need someone's washed-up step-nephew to standing-69 me in the diner bathroom stall

need to bang some guy

Sorry Link, I don't do twinks. Come back when you're a little, mm, fatter!

a bob linda teddy style throuple could fix me

i have had and will have sex with people who aren't men but that doesn't really fit my best bit (wanting to fuck men)

a lot of guys have not gained enough weight to have sex with me

every programming language is exactly the same

i love subcultures. can't wait to be a part of one someday

guys i did it ((worked on a game)

a poem called "now watch this drive"

any pickup line works on me if i am sexually attracted to you

please god send the bears to mod nite tonite

i got kicked out of the Future Crimes Unit after i dropped my ice cream cone into the precog tank and it killed the weird little guy in it

TIP FOR BREAD FANS: Try toasting it. Nice little surprise

The right wing 10 year cultural delay phenomenon has them all using millennial therapyspeak right when the left has dropped all civility. Really funny times ahead

for the record, i do not consider "well-made", "marketable", "popular", or "uncontroversial" to be (necessarily) good

If you time things just right, you can catch the bus

"don't talk shit about (x) place that white people live because nonwhite people live there too" the desire to punish people based on where they live is bad regardless of race

Flawless like Wallace On it like Gromit

most fascinating type of account is when their bio is like "taken, married, monogamous, not interested" but then all they do is post thirst traps. i think that sort of person should be put to death no trial.

late night encounter

"protect queer art" only if it's good

i think if you're turning at an intersection and you don't put your turn signal on you should be hung from your wrists in a dungeon until you starve to death