when your space heater is running too hot it's like chill bro

oh ugh bro sorry i didn't hear you i was just basking in silence

bro let me just shut my ears for a second

my ears are tired bro

i always conceal a lighter in my palm so in case i accidentally fart or shit my pants and make gross shit noises i can flick the lighter at the same time and people will think i am like smoking and that's what all that is

as a 31 year old I'm always saying stuff like "alr"

there's a like 12 minute album called "allo allo cigaret" by cigaret, and i keep trying to roll and smoke a joint faster than the length of the album because it's in french so the only thing i really understand is cigaret and I'm like alright I'll smoke to that

no no bro not the seminal post punk project from dc, i said, this food made me gassy

bro told me to stop doing the nerd voice, what voice

i keep trying to record the sounds of me smoking weed for my producer tag but every time I'm doing weed noises I'm also doing a nerd impression and talking in a really embarrassing nerd voice

alright guys let's all pretend we care about this

this whole thing reminds me of the various life experiences and textual knowledge i have accumulated and the memories i have formed from those

babe babe watch babe watch babe babe I'm stirring the coffee clockwise with my left hand and the oatmeal counter clockwise with my right hand at the same time

i call jay z "gay z" but will never clarify if i'm being homophobic or camp

pinky and the brain but the thing they do every night is smoke a bunch of weed guys

me and the rate of rotation of the earth do not get along

i knew a guy who said he could go pro in counter strike and then someone was like "oh do you play a lot" and he said no I don't play at all I just have good reaction times

most astronauts only sign up to become astronauts because they want to get sucked off by a black hole

I've done everything ever already and that's why i get bored

if life taught me anything it's that I'm a perfect god who is never wrong

clicking the follow back button feels like being a beloved and all powerful god but clicking the follow button feels like you are a small animal coming out into the world seeking companionship still knowing you risk getting eaten

we are all doing knife hits in the basement of god

yes yes that's all very well and good but when does poog come into the picture

imagining ronald reagan listening to nirvana and feeling weird about it

they're replacing all words with one easier to remember word this will eliminate illiteracy almost overnight

ughhh it's so frustrating that words have different meanings and such when you're communicating with them

nirvana was funded by the cia but not for any nefarious reason bush was just a fan

i play the cymbal yeah no no not the drums the cymbal yeah, no I'm pretty good i think, pretty loud

millionaire mike mcdonald

fix me joint and a cup of coffee please joint and a cup of coffee

aw they cut off my access to the google nest from the apartment i was living in 3 years ago

dr pepper soup dumpling

can i have 20 dollar yall

the big feature on chief keef's first mixtape being soulja boy i think says a lot about how ahead of the time that shit was

to me the library is the bank

the xbox 360 is the playing the spoons of the information age

data is the food of the information age

the computer is the telegraph of the information age

what kind of shit do you guys they were smoking to invent the telegraph like yeah bro let's make a beeping machine

siri keep that shit lit for me while I post

siri roll big joint

i have exceeded the local corner store's "cheesestick capacity" and i am "no longer welcome there"

“SECOND CUP! SECOND CUP! SECOND CUP!” She chants so loudly the dishes rattle.

instant coffee is from the earth it's natural

just ate almonds

just ate almonds

does anyone want to be a part of my entourage of sycophants and yes people

it would probably be fun to post when you're famous enough that people find like you saying "just ate almonds" super interesting

i think this room is missing a big screen that shows us logos bro

sharks for ownership of my company i am asking that one of you holds me tender