if I had a 12 string guitar I could probably play a song that fixes the world's ills but I don't so we have to deal with the horrors

guys i don't think anyone understands me, saying this in my secret twin language that me and my twin used to speak before they passed, my world is so much smaller without them, i'm still saying this in my secret twin language so you don't understand it

Pay full amount with wallet instantly

every day so many things go viral. In our fast paced online culture this can mean forgetting the little things. Can we get this photo of darth maul to 20k likes?

every day so many things go viral. In our fast paced online culture this can mean forgetting the little things. Can we get this photo of darth maul to 20k likes?

no bro trust me i'm good to drive check this out, I grab an acoustic guitar, drunkenly play smoke on the water, it's awful you can't even recognize the song, I have to say "that was smoke on the water", everyone says wow that was very good, they hand me a cup of water, someone is calling a taxi

i saw a praying mantis on my window on friday and it has altered the course of my life probably with how much i'm thinking about it

guys check out my new tech company "the torment nexus" it's named ironically after those memes you all make, we're building a rehabilitative corrections facility in cyberspace where it feels like an eternity when u get put in there to help cut down on the cost of incarceration

staring at a mirror until some thing goes wrong

sitting by a saltwater lake and telling it that if it tries really hard one day it can be an ocean, I know it's not true somewhere in me, but I can't bring myself to admit it fully, the lake just seems so sad, you'll be an ocean it'll be ok i say, my voice wavering, the truth is always so terrifying

as an official brand spokesperson for american spirits i want to confirm that we do kill an american and capture their spirit and then put one in every pack of cigarettes we make

Just remember we are behind you 45%. Anything you need, it’s possible we will be there to help

cool

if I saw some sludge I'd probably post something like "just saw some sludge"

I wish I was a little kid again I bet my dads attack patterns would be really predictable after playing elden ring

ok guys ngl I thought "don't sign your tweets" meant to not put a little aside at the end and it would make me nervous when I did that until just now when i googled what it meant, my life is a movie

I'm reinventing coffee so that it'll be more fun to post about while you sit around in the morning like uhh what do I post about, well I'm drinking coffee, maybe I could post about that

why does the weather change all the time, seems like it'd be a lot less effort for the planet if it just kept the weather the same, maybe a pleasant low 70s/high 60s with a few clouds drifting around to gaze at? just a suggestion

I live a going to the park based lifestyle

I am an intellectual titan of listening to jazz in the park

I'm doing this again for the attention + validation of my online friends + strangers + some of my many enemies

Sorry I lost your dog, he hit a speed boost arrow & that’s the last I saw him

in the editing booth for my self produced biopic and the studio executives are getting antsy, "does she ever do anything?" they keep asking, I'm 3 million dollars over budget, "but she is doing something" I insist, the executives shake their heads, another 40 minute crying sequence is starting

robocop spinoff called robocup where they turn a guy into a cup

sometimes when I post on here I feel like a guy on an anti aircraft machine gun just firing wildly into the sky hoping something happens with all of it

if kurt cobain were happy he would have probably named the band eternal suffering

friends no socialization how to friends without ever talking but still socially fulfilling and loving where to find

the bank should give out cups of loose change like the free water cups and you should be able to use them to withdraw 2-3 million dollars when no one is looking

no no you don't understand that's a load bearing sex pest we need to keep them around or your house falls down, yeah, no I just wouldn't walk very close, yeah they will grab your ass, sorry, we were out of beams

everyone hates me 😭😭😭 because I'm evil 😭😭😭😭 i won't change 😭😭😭😭

a blunt and 2-3 million dollars >>>>>>

the only way to stop a bad guy with an infantry squad advancing on your position is a good guy with a howitzer

if you're looking to get started with home defense a howitzer is a good place to start since it allows cheap and effective indirect fire

firing off a howitzer to keep rent down

just moved in upstairs of some guy into my new apartment, my favorite activity is having dunk competitions with myself on my nerf hoop at 2am

i'm so tired of saying i'm "chilling and relaxing", it's so long winded, oh well nothing to be done probably

just had some cheese flavored snacks, cheese is a classic snack flavor. this is my new character guy explaining snacks to an alien

if you aren't talking money I'm gonna be honest I'd still talk with you i'm pretty lonely

as an aging woman who doesn't have kids but also doesn't have pets i call my followers my babies and i picture you all rolling around on the floor and drooling but don't worry I still love you even though you are dumb as shit and would die without me

kid did a limp wrist thing after seeing me in the grocery store btw, and frankly, slay

there's no rule that says you can't wave a gun around in the nba there's a law in society sure, but it's legal in the nba

bringing my f1 car to the go kart track and crushing pre-teens in every race

I'm doing worldbuilding for my novel where everything is the same as it is now in every capcity and I'm having trouble coming up with stuff

I'm doing worldbuilding for my novel where people are all 2 inches tall and instead of saying stuff like"woah that's a large mountain" about things they usually say stuff like "woah that's an almost normal sized mound of dirt"

Showing up to the ER complaining of general malaise

i'm doing worldbuilding for my fantasy novel epic set in a world where light is shadow and the opposite is also true, they call lightbulbs "darkbulbs"

guys

have u guys noticed anything incisive and witty recently you should think of that instead of reading this

i will never write down or memorize a bourgeois "song"