i love every cloud in the sky

they call it “umbrella” cause you get umder the brella

yoda was a real guy. the jim henson stuff was just a cover

I don't approve of horses. They were a mistake.

hey meta how do i rob a bank. whats the first step. what do i do first

going to the library. looking for answers

there are only so many words

okay, now if you could just lemme see you 1, 2 step ?

chicken de popeyes de popeyes chicken

[Proverb] The wise hamburger seeks no mouth

so is stone ground mustard full of little rocks and dirt or what

what if we experienced pleasure

streets are saying u had advance knowledge bro. streets are saying u were forewarned and thus forearmed

yeah, i stay strapped [1 x bone flute; 1 x obsidian knife]

You are like a beautiful flower to me. If you even care

oh i’m fedposting alright,, posting that i fed myself some dang crab chips

funky kong is spiritually lesbian

i hate medicine cabinets with mirrors on the door im terrified of seeing a demon or ghoul behind me when i close it

it would be so cool if Chow Yun Fat dove out from around a corner and emptied two pistols into me. imagine that's the last thing you ever see. hell yea

Life is different when you're able to boast best in class handling and acceleration

I do not shoot to impress my online friends. He who shoots to impress his online friends has forgotten the face of his father

press B while moving the analog stick to dodge

someone asks how im doing and im like “im good hbu :)” meanwhile the debuff indicator above my head is going ATT DOWN DEF DOWN MAG DOWN MND DOWN AGI DOWN POISONED SLOWED DRY PARALYZED CONFUSED BLEEDING

nice one battle, let me guess there’s another one after? of course

i like when films are described as cerebral i think all films should be categorized by which part of the brain they stimulate. wow ice age 2 is so frontal lobial

i woke up early so i could be on my phone for longer

gnome country? for old men??

Ignore it bro. That’s delightbait

Scorpio: You will go to a good website soon. Not today, but soon.

my secret hideout has been infiltrated by small bugs that spy on me all day

they’re shooting me out of the airlock, as a joke

just made myself laugh. i’m gonna be happy forever!!

too late, i have already depicted myself as the Chad Oda Nobunaga and you as the Virgin Warring States Period

My battery is obsessed with being low

they’re going to flavor blast me tomorrow

if you dont think Im beautiful dont even bother

it’s a great day to be nice to me

airline miles is like a currency these days

how the fuck do you read

(i have parenthesesitis) yea all my posts start with the premise. thats just good joke writing actually. thats the ultimate form of comedy

most movies would be better if the main character was portrayed by some kind of horse

MONEY ISN’T REAL BUT HELLO KITTY IS

not now kitten, your honor

i went foraging and got some coffee and blackberries do you want any

In the Vampire community there are annoying guys who microdose garlic

computer eat 5 pounds of raw beef. computer get depression.

if you drink enough cough syrup you can hear sounds

it’s a humbling experience when a vulture circles you