let's all come on this website for 5 minutes a day and not have very much to say

you have the stench of epic fail about you

Hard times create rock men, rock men create large boulders, large boulders the size of small boulders completely block east-bound lane Highway 145 mm78 at Silverpick Rd

this is your pilot speaking. Are you mad at me.

you are all a joy to have in class

(dutch borat) mijn wijf

oh is there a websitebrokeball on?

everyone is the hero of their own fuckass bullcrap

skipping the trial and going straight for the error

our hair may never fully dry again

go ahead put me in timeout i have passive income

(eating a pill i found on the floor of the club bathroom) hope it's a placebo. i don't need any effects right now

my only interests these days are sitting and staring at walls, off into space, etc.

The night creature thirsts

(as a donkey walks by) ah the noble donkey! (donkey moves out of earshot) foolish beast

i grew up in teh hot dog mines all my uncs died chopped w hotdog lung

simile_enjoyer42: i love my pedantic gf like a bee loves honey pedanticgurl_4_life: bees dont necessarily love honey they just make it

while u studied the blade i studied the bigger blade

let's all go to bed with wet hair everyone

ask your doctor why he's keeping you here. break your cage

we shouldn't expect berries to be perfect

this meeting could have been epic

the devil got mogged in georgia. absolutely fiddlemaxxed

while my peers were all online getting "pwned", I was in the library, getting "poemed" 😎

i shaved off my humanity for this?

Entering the kitchen and a tutorial pops up: [Hint: Combine two or more Pastas to create a Pasta Medley.]

your fallow man

(gregor samsa's boss after attending an employee affirmation workshop): keep the change kid

it's okay i didn't want any pictures on this website to load anyway

(blood surging through my teeth) quit squirming. im trying to provide you with an outstanding customer service experience

responding to every tweet with "please have some self respect"

this whistle is sopping wet, what the hell have you been doing

being apprenticed to a master craftsman would fix me

my body is a machine that turns a glass of water into a glass (no water)

competitive post discarding

let's hollow out our cores everyone

on my deathbed. surrounded by loved ones. i start to utter my last words. “i’m just chillin” i say softly. before my last breath i whisper “in cedar rapids”

some of y'all:

(whispering to chatgpt during flashback scene) that looks like the main guy but younger, does he have a son

proof i'm not lying

Home Depot guy: ok and what is it you’re trying to build? me: I’m trying to trap a djinn

i have nothing further to add at this time

fuck this chungus war

explaining to the loan officer that i actually thought western civilization was going to collapse when i took that out

i deserve a handicap parking sticker as a 27 year old with occasional acid reflux

youve mistaken me for a small bug for the last time

computer crash all the time and no good websites? yes, it's the 90s. costs 3 months salary to fly overseas? 90s. electronics are an unfordable luxury item? 90s

swag is just cheug leaving the body......