slop rules everything around me

once you start noticing confirmation bias, you realize it's behind everything

do you want to start an art collective where we produce no major works and instead ruin each other's lives over petty grievances

unexpected meetcute in bagging area

It's called, the death of the author, Mr. King *i draw my gunblade*

we could be so backer iibh

share and enjoy

at the intersection of lime and coconut

USDA Hardiness Zone in bio

Get understood intimately, bozo

lots going on

Everything is normal & easy dot com

[hoobastank voice]: youre not a serious persoooon

explaining to the customers that they are not safe

the indomitable human spirit is right behind me isn't it

Horton Kills a Man

Various shit is like idk about all that

at its heart obsession is a movie about how nice it is to play trivia with your friends

let the dragons imagine themselves

not mad, just disappointed by how angry youve made me

saying "Shower beer is for boys... Shower wine is for men 😏" and then by the end I'm sipping on a cab franc that is 75% hot water

teach the controversy en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamerga...

shoot for the moon and we'll get your ass. leave the moon alone 😤

You already know my ballistic missiles stay intercontinental

Since taking CBD for Dogs, the full potential of my endocannabinoid system has been revealed - the gales howl in greeting, the skies are sundered and the earth shakes

to speedrun cooking you can run the stove without lighting it for a few mins, so that when flame is introduced, the stove emits a charged AOE blast that engulfs all the ingredients at once

I could get so much done if I didn't have a job

some days we pace back and forth a lot

"you guys didnt even read the article" yeah because you won't let anyone read the article without signing up

this is how we talk about you when you’re not around

(after subpar bit flopping twice) honestly bluesky isn't even that good it's a bunch of whiny liberal idiots and it's not even funny

I’ve liked posts you wouldn’t believe

i only like funny things

humans are basically the only animal that drinks water in a normal way

[misunderstanding jellyfish stings] okay hold still I need to suck out your pee

jazz is all about the weapons you don't allow to prosper against you

times like this we get coffee

not sure spiders need all those legs. hubris

Playing a lute and recounting today’s emails in the breakroom

geologists must be stupid because limestone makes a horrible margarita

Christ is short for Christina

i accidentally left my easy-bake oven on for 30 years

post from someone with a crush: woke up squirming in agony like a worm on hot pavement again post from their crush: just had a lovely sandwitch 🙂

if he's your man why is this sore on my arm oozing a foul smelling discharge and do you think it will stop by itself

feeling good probably feels so good if you feel good

manufacturing probably feels so good if youre a factory

Keep honking! I'm listening to honking!

i am the babe ruth of this tofu is too hot to eat right now