People love to do that bit where they pretend crab man flopped in the group chat.

Rewatching a Tubi banger

ill spread my wings and ill learn how to fly

"These fishes are straight-up vicious!" This would be a cool thing to say if you were being attacked by fish.

I'm thinking about doing some posts in honor of Halloween

Business idea: cat laundromat. A laundromat that has a bunch of cats running around you can play with while you wait for your laundry to finish.

It's bad ass to be wise

Now thar enough time has passed, even us big city liberals can admit that covid was a total hoax we perpetuated to persecute honest Americans.

Calling it now, 2026 is the year of the can opener.

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@crabman.bsky.social was on snakeroot island

I feel like the energy that I'm getting from this drink is completely monstrous.

Your favorite ant lions favorite ant lion

shrimpjeff: They should invent a computer you can rest on your lap violetaura: ?? yeah they had the same thought 30 years ago are you serious ?? wokeyoda: the joke understanders have logged on 🙄 earthsmud: you think it’s funny to play the fool. you’ll do it so much, one day you won’t be playing

I have split personality disorder. Yeah, when I see a banana split, I eat it! And personal(it)ly, I always make dis order at the ice cream store.

This is my dentist office her name is Dr. Donut.

me: (reaching into 800g jar of cashews on top shelf) .... little cashew treat .... beautiful snack devil on my shoulder: Do it. They should be part of you angel on my shoulder: Im so proud of you. You deserve cashews. Sweet child. Im so happy youre taking them me: everyone agrees thats for baby boy

That's that me chudler

To Pimp a Chudlerfly

they’re getting rid of all the regular dirt tomorrow and replacing it with loam #loamworld

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Yeah, my primary care physician is named Dr. Ice Cream. And yes, his office has a big sign on the front that says Dr. Ice Cream's Castle. He also has a 92% recommendation rate on google if that means anything to you.

Yep!

Searching to see if I've ever posted about "things" before

don't be afriad of catching a little mank on a plane

when it comes to movies on a plane you gotta say mank #mankplane

Watching Mank on a plane #MankPlane

Holy shit this guy is real

My bed sheets all wet For Chudler, I pray to forget All I've been forms the drone, we sing the rest Oh your generous loan to me, your crippling bunchiness

Chudlers are infinite And thinking me are numbered

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Check to see if your cochabitate with em. If you are Be Warned.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE : Many relationsip involve sexual or sexual implements. Be on the lookout for them.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Are you "feeling the pressure"? Receive the pressure with a relaxing soak!

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE : MAKE sure that the person you are in the relationship with has the same things of you. Ideally mostly the same.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: The narcissist is in among the most EVIL types of person to date/relationship with. Check your partners' medical records to see if they are a narcissist.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE : Most relationships end because of differences or disagreements between the people that are in it, the relationship. Try to avoid these at all costs.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE : If you see one of those classic things that is a red flag,. You should treat that as a relationship "red flag" and STAY AWAY!

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Be on the lookout for "lovebombing" which is a new kind of bombing.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE : Do not become cochabitate with em..

Honestly that waiter was serving. Yeah, serving FOOD! I wanted to fuck them.

If you are a fan of bad accents and Tough Guys Don't Dance and Face/Off this is a must watch

Thank you Crab Man

Shockheads love being aghast at shit

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They should call it the aurora interestingalis. Sign up for my email newsletter to learn why

(trying to fit in with a group of criminals, badly) I'm wearing a fuckin wire

That iconic moment when

Bunchy son or chudler daughter