All adverbs RANKED

Nvm, now watching:

Now watching

I've never watched it but I think I could be a professional wrestler. It seems very easy.

Completely theoretically, if I were to start a fantasy baseball league could I cajol any of my baseball-enjoying or non-baseball enjoying mutuals to join?

Germs near me Germs near me open late Can germs survive in plastic bag Plastic bag near me Where to find germ-sized plastic bag Cheapest germ-sized plastic bags near me Are germs a funny prank My bully address Address of my bully Where does my bully live Bully near me Bully near me closed early

My new novel "The Mendicant's McChicken" is coming out next week! Reviews that I've read are extremely mixed so definitely one to keep on your radar.

Please write in my name for any poll that you see online ever. I want to win them all.

Children aren’t as tall as adolescents/adults, so they naturally need to look up to see things while the taller people just can look straight ahead of them

I'm not going to tweet for several months. I'm gonna get in the lab and work on the Greatest Post Of All Time, targeting a release around November.

I think Diddy is a weird freak #TruthBomb

chalk outline of your smile

It's so interesting how different characters in TV shows will have completely different traits from each other.

Lord forgive me, I'm back on my dried flake sachet shit #DriedFlakeSachet

Now watching:

From letterboxd: "Jon Bernthal’s Puniser showed the world how truly peenmenal this character can be on screen"

If you're not sure who the 'gigachad' in your friend group is, it's you.

Go see Nirvanna The Band The Show The Movie in theaters now.

Seeing NTBTSTM in the yeah of the horse. We used to pray for times like these.

they did unspeakable things on a grape

Celebrated travel agent Ron Voyage.

are therapists really always saying such and such is not real and can't hurt you. i don't think they are. joke premise debunked from my mind palace.

(Teary eyed, staring down off camera) I know, I know I was an L father no cap...

Now watching:

The Simpsons are partnering with a devil to kill you.

Marty Supreme is partnering with a serial murderer to kill you.

Piggybacking off the concept of supermodels, they are inventing superlawyers that are just better than normal lawyers. Superdoctors. Supercustomer Service Representatives.

Marty Supreme is partnering with H&R Block. They're doing table tennis-themed tax returns this year.

You may have managed to defeat me, but you don't stand a chance against my 100 annoying children!

There is nothing that makes me happier than finding a note I wrote for myself a year ago in a drawer that just says like "I'm going to hit you on the head with a big hammer"

Now watching the next movie from this director

I think next week I'm gonna do a tier list of all of my posts.

Have you guys seen this, the "smart car"? They call it that, but it doesn't look that smart to me! It's tiny! They should have called it the dumb car! This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Stranger Things? They should have called that show Weird Things, there's so much odd stuff that happens in it.

They should have called it the anti-matrix boat because that was like their whole thing.

They should have called this statue the pisser because I'm taking a freaking piss on it.

They should have called the movie One Battle After A Smother because my wife tried to suffocate me to death with a pillow while we were watching it. And then we had a short battle afterwards.

They should have called the movie Hamnet because I accidentally dropped my ham on the ground while watching it but fortunately I was able to use my net to pick it up off the theater floor without actually having to fully bend over and pick it up with my hands. Instead of whatever reason they chose.

You hate to be dead as shit on Valentine's Day of all days

Me: I feel like the whole "oh I feel so bad being single on Valentine's Day" things gets really overplayed. If you're comfortable with it any other day why wouldn't you be comfortable with it today? The Valentine's Day Killer: Uh huh. No, I think you're totally right.

Stirring rendition of Rhapsody In Blue; Valentine's Day treat!

Will Smith: (Speedwalking toward me on stage) Keep My Wife Name Out Yo Fuckin Mouth ! Me: (Huge smile because I recognize him from I, Robot): I Robot 😄

post from Daily Bird Facts: all female cardinals are lesbian. all male cardinals are bisexual. reply from Patriot bird facts - COUNTERNARRATIVE: What your doing is inexcusable

Plankten chum bu

One of the craziest fucking things I've watched. Probably top 3 most unhinged Tubi movies.

No thank you, now watching:

Now watching. Mfw hell:

The Comedy Central Roast of Green Men

King Kong is big, even for a gorilla

If you're celebrating Friday the 13th you missed the point of the movie.