you can raise a whole other person from birth and stretch all your resources striving to make life fun and fulfilling for them, and when you ask them, what is your favorite childhood memory, they’ll be like, moose pajama pants I found in the road

Overwhelmed by the reaction potential of Bobo doll experiment images

this is you

Wow I feel myself inexplicably attracted to this beautiful, dazzling object. I wonder wh— oh, I’m being told this is a “dumbass magnet.” Hmm. Well I still think its smooth contours and glossy finish are not without their inherent charms.

I’m the one they film playing all the mobile games unbelievably poorly for the ads; you cannot imagine what I’m like as a lover

Props to @ywfyf.com for catching this. AltNPS cited the AP and NBC News, but their wording was taken literally word for word from the Reuters article that Wes links below. So now, the Alt National Park Service is using the APPEARANCE of citations to hide their plagiarism.

A while back I had really, really bad gas that kept me up all night, totally miserable. Since then I've bought Gas-X in case it happens again so I won't have to go through that, and now I actually wish it WOULD just so I get a chance to use it. Anyway this is why I don't think you should own a gun.

>> What’s up, 🇬🇧 foodie fiends 🇬🇧. What are your food updates today? 😌 >> curry takeaway 8/10 >> Why was I ever frightened of haggis? 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 >> Wondering when sea bream infiltrated all the shops? >> i love sea bream but i agree. did we forget about cod??? >> i’ve just remembered about burgers

Watch: Exclusive | Pedro Pascal tells us how to make his favorite cocktail! | Celebrity Bartender LucyLuxury: 😂 at 3:18 “I like things a little spicy” me too Pedro 🤣 gwennypennsylvania: making drinks online for anyone to see. playing hopscotch whilethe devil looks up at your feet interesting

i put my listening ears on for THIS??

this promo photo of avril promoting her wine (?) looks like a @baybayfriend.bsky.social narrative game screenshot

My dog heard about brushing scams and he was like AH!!! He was like WHA??? And then I explained that it involves shipping low-value goods to US addresses to game verified purchase reviews. And he was even MORE scared

mirandawrongs: asking Jeeves to blow out my back walls chortlelord: hehe StevenSpooniverse: steve rhymes with jeeve just saying :) forwardjames: you could ask me to as well BrendaMcLeod24: butlersex w jeave = indignity for all. some ppl want that ??

Barbarian came out at the same time as Men, which I thought was way cooler and braver 😬 Subtlety overrated imo. And once again, Weapons came out at the same time as Bring Her Back, which is WAY better and scarier. Sorry, Zach Cregger, your movies are pretty good. Someone is just always scooping you

I like when a critic softens an uncomplimentary movie review by saying the cast was “game.” Yeah the actors pretty much said all the stuff they were paid to and some of them even hopped around. And! They wore the little outfits

Misunderstanding what everyone’s problem is with Mr. Beast: Yeah, I hate that guy. Perpetuating unrealistic standards of attractiveness for men 👎

Cracking the window just the right amount, settling in between freshly cleaned sheets, turning out the light and laying back on my favorite pillow: now I’m ready to imagine the exact layout of The Maze

MelissasAmazingPics 🌴 grassyvalley.thecomi...

MelissasAmazingPics 🌴 grassyvalley.thecomi...

It's grassy valley Friday!!! It's grassy valley Friday!!!!!! @baybayfriend.bsky.social please say it's grassy valley Friday!!!!!!!

@sentimentbot.bsky.social im nice. i have butterflies in my heart.

Good morning Countess It’s money time

Unfortunately, the urgent, strangled vocals and acute, sandpapery guitar that made them critical darlings with their debut, PeePee, now sound stale and languid on their uninspired sophomore effort, the aptly named PooPoo

Me: Oh we have to cut through Corny Village? Nah never been there. Why would I have? Haha. Corny villager upon our arrival: Great to see you again, boss bitch ☺️ Soooo we did a thing while you were away and elected you Queen. TttttthhhhhAT just happened 🤩

they want to make it illegal for little girls to want to be fairies and princesses. now they have to want to be construction workers on the big dangerous beam with their lunchboxes. and they’re doing the DOUGIE

Fairies spelling out messages to me in flour: Day 1: want kleenex for towels Day 2: cheerios inner tubes Day 3: toilet lid open Day 4: OPEN swimming pool Day 5: toilet pool OPEN now Day 6: last chance. enjoy death. embarrassment accident Day 7: crushed by fridge. erotics with foods? a shame

If you think the power has ever gone out on you while you were showering, you’re wrong; that’s just exactly how it feels to die. Sorry you had to find out this way, but on the plus side it seems like you can still get on the computer

Person that did huge numbers one time trying to hit the jackpot again: Watership Down implies the existence of fire car up???? PLEASE TELL ME who decided to call them firemen and not hose bros 😂 does anyone really even like me on here or is it all fake ppl :/

Guy at Primus concert: It’s almost like heavier than heavy music. Because it’s so challenging. Primus: I’m a real funny bunny, and I know you’ll be my honey, when I put on my big wig and preen, That hunter got a shock, when I went and called him doc, and started munching beta-carotene. YIPPEE!

Bunkle up biffs a 10 is talking

Oh no, I’m going to be saying “bunkle up. You are biffed” for days

bunkling up so I don’t get biffed, I’m terrified of getting biffed

Me: I have the kind of raw intelligence that makes everything in life a breeze. No big deal. Me when I see a headline that’s like, “Judge stays motion to overturn blocked ban”: Only one person could ever possibly understand what this means. I’ll give you a hint. His first name was Albert

Pixar movie about a rubber ducky that has to leave the bath and explore the house outside the bathroom. They think the bath is their damn pond. The dog is probably squeaking on him. and he’s like oh brother. I’m getting too old for this quap

When an ad is so loud I have to mute it and keep it on mute for the whole ad break. Are you happy, ad. All your ad brothers are getting punished. They’re running laps and throwing up!

Poster: Inventing a bike that shoots carrots out the back so horsies and bunnies follow me around :) Reply 1: So specific yet random 🤣 I love it!! Reply 2: Ummm hoping you don’t really think this would work, nor should you want it to. 😕 Back to the drawing board. Signed, an actual ecology major

if the rubber ducks ever found out how the teddy bears live they would probably be like what the heck.

re-upping this because I want to be playing to full rooms of HEROES x

when someone says they’re feeling fulfilled it’s like okay you’re full I understand that— oh and you’re filled as well, didn’t you just say that, bitch