sure, i “have no life.” that only means you can never kill me.

A couple months ago I was getting ads for a tour by this really insufferable-looking band, and the main guy was jumping around in the same annoying hat in every concert clip they used. So i looked them up and it turns out they also did one of my least favorite songs of the last 10 years 😎

I hate fucking JD Vance. Green Peridot birthstone having motherfucker. Plus, his politics are shit!!! Peridot ass

buying skincare for my fiancé: i am rocking a baby in my arms. i will never speak to you of harsh things. you will never know about itchy sweaters or graveyards. buying skincare for myself: i am trading shots with another elite sniper. i want you so dead they’ll have another funeral for you in hell

can’t stop thinking about the idea of a british person addressing a group by saying, ‘ad a bit of a sex-yul dream about one-a ya

They know that if Grassy asked for my credit card information I would give it to them immediately.

i'm going to keep apologizing for being white. nobody can stop me

Grassy is so sweet you guys should read this fucking comic, its about going on the computer with your friends and its funny.

Grassy Fear 🇫🇷 grassyvalley.thecomi...

when someone says they’re feeling fulfilled it’s like okay you’re full I understand that— oh and you’re filled as well, didn’t you just say that, bitch

Hapless rube in commercial for AI: Gemini, what does the recipe mean by, “finish by broiling on top rack for 4 minutes”? 😩 Gemini: Amazing job on the cooking! It can be scary. First of all, an oven is like an epic car without wheels that gets hot

Sometimes I’ll see a picture of some asshole who also looks weird but I can’t pin down why, and I’ll start a post like, “this fucking guy looks like” and then I’ll take a shower and hope I come up with a good way to end the post

if fire was the color of white LEDs, prometheus would have left it tf alone

when LEDs say they are “warm white,” they mean a horrible, pinkish white, not the beautiful, yellowish white we have all been comforted by in the form of incandescents. and someone should pay. someone should pay for this

every vanity plate you can’t make heads or tails of is just an esoteric name their grandkids call them

i am hooting and hollering for new grassy valley

I love these every week.

this is a fun comic I like to read. it’s about the feeling of being online as a kid. you can read it too. check it out “Something I learned recently is that when she says, "I'm fine," that's only the title of the book of feeling she's writing in her mind.”

Kicking Butt in Ways That Matter grassyvalley.thecomi...

Kicking Butt in Ways That Matter grassyvalley.thecomi...

want everyone to know my power has been out this week but grassy never sleeps

It’s really nice of them to parade all these different people past my cage every day. Kinda sad, though. They all have to go home to somewhere where they don’t even have red ball and they have to get their own food. That’s why they have to have the thick bars, I guess. They want in here so bad.

darknessreigns24: i would make peppa pig into some delicious bacon lol welt46: i wonder how you might like to look up and see a cleaver held in the cleft of a hoof. to feel the breath of a snout that loves its work. in the world of pigs, a man’s careless words may only sweeten his quivering rump.

Grassy Valley E4 grassyvalley.thecomi...

I can’t do shit on my phone with one bar. Two bars, the floodgates have opened and I can do whatever I want. I believe one bar is zero bars and two bars is one bar. It’s like the thing when someone says they’re 5’11, but if you’re really 5’11, you say you’re 6’.

Extremely tedious that these people always imagine their endlessly affable chatbots are women

🍪🤫

Benadryl nap dream that I was watching an autobiographical show about some guy’s life. And one of the little vignettes was his first sleepover where the friend was like, “Ok you’re gonna wear this Osama Bin Laden mask and sleep in my dad’s closet so he gets scared and thinks Osama is in his closet.”

When I’m watching Hulu with commercials and they give me a choice of three ads so I can “choose my experience,” I always pick the same one. Do not expose me to a new ad. Each one tightens Satan’s molten grip around my ankles.

Kevin Costner getting spun off into media properties further and further from the Yellowstone universe until he’s in your house, living your life. Dreaming your main dream. Dreaming of the end.

My dog heard about brushing scams and he was like AH!!! He was like WHA??? And then I explained that it involves shipping low-value goods to US addresses to game verified purchase reviews. And he was even MORE scared

cool how our politicians will just float little plausible deniability trial balloons out there about what positions they should take. it’s like when my dog wants to go outside, but he doesn’t want to ask to go outside, so he just pretends to be really interested in all the coats by the front door

New Grassy 📢 grassyvalley.thecomi...

dreamed i was francis from pee-wee being chased by another francis from pee-wee

Dreamed I was holding this purple pen with business info on it, trying to figure out where it came from, and the business name was Women: Evolutions

Mariska Hargitay, unfurling a child’s essay: “Over the summer I went to a concert. They hooted and tooted on the different instruments and I felt happy.” I don’t see the relevance. Ice-T: What if i told you Elias never went to a concert? That stuff about hooting and tooting? He made it all up.

When you leave your pets home alone for a little bit, it’s so much longer to them because of animal time, and if you’re gone for too long they start doing Grey Gardens

I will never pen a pop psychology book called The Duty of Delight.

When I turn on the TV at my parents’ house, the watch history is always 7 things called like Grumbleston Mysteries: A Bother at The Cliffs

If you can interact with this post, you are one epic, goodlooking motherfucker with excellence and majesticness out the @$$. Oh yeah, and you probably smell like bacon and awesomesauce

New Grassy 🚓 E11 grassyvalley.thecomi...

Hohokay, rockstar, less air guitar strumming and more teeth brushing! Alright, Michael Jordan, time for bed. You can sleep in your basketball shorts just this once! Alright, your majesty, your royal bedchambers await! Haha okay, Joey from Friends, “how you doin” gettin your jammies on in there?

behaving so erratically online that the algorithms have started serving ads with problems and solutions that are totally unfamiliar to me. they are like, “tired of the noise when it’s time to peel your tapes?” “no more mint smell when you hit your bags.” “STOP startling pets with your strips.”