dapping up the maleman

elliptical counts for leg day, right? right, bro?

just noticed I lost 15-20 pounds. guess i’ll keep behaving and doing my exercises 😁

post-Sambal drip

VOIP me

vaping fiberglass

(hopping into passenger seat) Launch It.

grouper ruins

dropping a cheeky “unfortch” into any slack message wherein i’m bearing bad news that does not affect me

Rishi Sunak has passed away. He was last seen honking up great big knifers off the hob at nan’s.

leg press wrecked my shit again

In France they are erroneously known as The Three Stupids

lumbering chungal melodies

1,000 urkels with their arms on each other's shoulders smiling and shouting in chorus: did we do that?

if i’m happy and i know it, i’ll clap my hands 🔜

Jorts of Canada

my name is Mondegreen Eggcorn

why do they call it a Walter bottle.. 🤦

(ecclesiastical plainchant) You you the the / The the you you

I feel like boomer bands were called Hot Potato and the Kissimmee Amblers and millennial bands were called Removing Eustace and zoomer bands are called Coochy

caughing like crqzy off that decroded dracula

first day as a claims adjuster telling the involved parties i’m down for whatever

Sending a subjectless email that reads “The” to All Agency on my first day

free slogan for your brand: "live smilingly"

1 UPS driver is worth like 7 fedex oafs

Being on day three of scouring computer forums and finding somebody who had your same problem but eventually gave up is like seeing a dead body on Everest

Hi. My EP "Vernal Pools" is live: stonecirclempls.bandcamp.com/album/vernal... If you like ambient, new age, dungeon synth etc.. you might like this. Thanks.

smoking that blister pack

Colorless green ideas better not sleep furiously!

let me call you back boss I’m with a custoid right now [hangs up] i’ve been dreaming of ways to serve you.

Taking my coworker BreastaurantLewis to lunch. Jersey Mike’s isn’t his favorite, but he’ll fucking deal.

Going to the city library and using their Epson printer to reproduce actual photographs of the real devil

i permit apes to smoke

Hey y'all it's Mitch. Sorry to dip out for a minute, my wife gave me such a volcanic O I practically came my guts out. I've been on mandatory bedrest in a weeks long refractory period, but now I'm back and ready to keep spraying. We work hard play hard, and I specifically mean pork in hole style.

The Jimmy-Eaten World by Carl Sagan

i fuckin love rock and roll so much i can’t bear it

i feel so fuckin old, man. reckon it’s about time for me to get really into Fugazi.

using acoustic standing waves to levitate my cousin's xbox

music is lowkey great to listen to under various circumstances

i’ll swipe right on my wife 🔜

Meet the “Chopped” Avunculoid Who Made Doctors Hoot

relaysh goalzies

the halal cart is the most sacred American institution. we are duty-bound to defend it from freaks, sickos, psychos, and disgruntled former associates of the Obama administration.

Neural Gooch

commenting "my crops look like SHIT" on a 65 year old farmer's youtube video

Torpid Daddy

i whanna wartch spunch bob 😭

epic rap battles of history: Hilliard Ensemble VS!! Tallis Scholars