they cut down all the trees and named the streets after various numbers…

let me call you back boss I’m with a custoid right now [hangs up] i’ve been dreaming of ways to serve you.

Hey shithead dickhead fuckhead. Go get me a Marie Callendar’s Chicken Pot Pie with Tender White Meat Chicken.

Lil Nasty Mane

i need to face an entire blunt to early aughts wonky Adult Swim hip hop and just figure something out.

chomo starter pack

The Jimmy-Eaten World by Carl Sagan

I feel like boomer bands were called Hot Potato and the Kissimmee Amblers and millennial bands were called Removing Eustace and zoomer bands are called Coochy

Candy does seven things—it relieves your hunger, quenches your thirst, fills your stomach, cleans your teeth, makes you sleep, helps you digest, and colors your cheeks.

Watching the Artemis II launch stream and pondering just how many people who are watching the same thing were hoping for a catastrophic event because they bought “no” on polymarket or kalshi

🚨 NASA has BANNED astronaut Martin Waulf from bringing his three-screen gooning rig aboard the Artemis II. “Gooning is not conducive to a productive lunar mission,” said NASA Commander Ed Branch. LIKE and SHARE if you think astronauts should be allowed to #GoonOnTheMoon!

my buddy Yeast is fucking smacked

Popping my pussy at Planet Fitness

texting my heckler “I’ll play Freebird 🔜 “

I’m at the Royal Farms off Industrial Highway in Ridley Park PA, posted up in the corner by the trash can enjoying several rounds of Keno and other games of chance on the Michael Scott-sized television.

Royal Farms is pure evil. It’s Wawa Wario. The sodium coming off RoFo breakfast weeps into the air and stings your eyes. It should be shut down by a task force.

i need to listen to wonky Adult Swim hip hop all day today to regulate my emotions

mids are back baby. the magic’s in the midrange. bin your tweeters bin your subs. this summer you won’t need them

Millennial landlord here 🙋 the rent is too damn fly 🤩 when it hits my Capital One 360 Checking 📈

wartching Lessons of Darkness

pain at the pump and everywhere else as well 📈

replying “provenance?” under every dick pic on bluesky

It’s funny that serial killers used to skulk around Lovers Lanes like that. Very quaint in a lead-in-the-gasoline sort of way.

I love getting necked and heavy petted at the old Lovers’ Lane.

It’s all happening in the Keystone State!

I’m at my burger

actually laughing out loud that the logo for the bluesky team's "agentic" AI app is an angler fish lure in a dark void with soulless predatory eyes like pennywise the dancing clown's deadlights from IT

TSA has been recruiting employees for years with the promise of looking at the pervert body scanner all day long but now they want paychecks as well?

It used to be hilarious when someone sat on a tack.

Male Pattern Oddness

why do they call it a Walter bottle.. 🤦

Gen X business owner here 🙋‍♂️ when I’m traveling for work, you can find me at the cigar bar or watching Family Guy on the hotel TV.

my rap name is Lil Shiznit 😜

they cut down all the trees and named the streets after various numbers…

lmfao

no doubt in my mind when it comes to porn kash patel is a girl-on-girl enthusiast

i’ll wartch x files 🔜

the water department is sending something up the pipes to get me

here’ll come the sniff the rooster…myeah

Jungle is massive mate innit www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSXL...

girls used to be fluent in sarcasm, then they were witches, then they were a garbage burrito, then they were smol beans or just a little guy, then they were trying to be intentional, now they are MARRIED!

I'm trying to be less intentional

Eating some of my scabs #$TSLA

they’re dressing me down 🔜

Bro you listened to alex g all day? I thought you said you didn’t have any crushes right now?

Mind if i fuck around and honor some veterans with BrainPOP?

Spare a little of that orgone brother?

Idles guy singing about how james bond is propaganda