i hate celebrities who read books. what are you trying to prove..

it seems your mother has made international headlines

movie cops don't even drop to one knee when firing their guns anymore. who else misses the 90's? 🙋🏻‍♂️

hmm maybe we should take it

if you're sufficiently woke enough in other areas of your life, you're allowed to say stuff like "my guy has AIDS" when you're fucking up at video games

if you die while playing sports, you go to Sports Valhalla. mostly old men though.

you're telling me "every decision matters" in your AAA video game? that's incredible news.

magnus carlsen would beat me in chess, but i would beat him in sequence. thats just how the world works

arc raiders squad full is so stupid and funny. no one mics up and everyone just runs off to do their own thing.

drinking alcohol is pretty great. not drinking alcohol is also pretty great. one of the only liquids where this is true.

jim halpert doesn't eat pum pum!

sleeping with "who wants to be a millionaire" reruns on so as to become intelligent

(peyton manning dressed in all white and a hood) im hatin' manning

it's time for the best part of sports gambling, the commercials

when your bank transfer completes in 1 business day

i just means-tested you

(guy minding his own business at the urinal) (emperor from star wars looking over the divider) goooood

saw bugonia, that movie should be called bologna

daniel plainview: ladies and gentleman if i say i'm ace ventura, pet detective, you'll agree.

TGOFV now has a proper bluesky footprint. (Also I don't know why the embed isn't showing the thumbnail but it's whatever)

the way the world is, you could almost cry sometimes. if you were a girl

you may not like what's happening in venezuela but it's the #1 best way for us to get more of the stuff that's poisoning the planet to death

lots of good choices, but Ronin is probably the coolest movie of the 90's imho

if you have a ps5 and a copy of arc raiders and a thirst for blood please dm me your PSN tag

this is how it feels when women are mean to you

hey! haven't heard much from you this week. i imagine you're still working through my screenplay you wanted to read. did you get to the part where the pack of wild dogs rips all those girls apart? also, probably going to delete Bumble soon so here's my number...

waking up and doing it all again tomorrow

i truly believe in the medieval notion that foul odors spread disease. how could they not

joking about parkinson's is awful. def gonna be some karma coming michael j. fox's way soon

DEPLOY TSAR BOMBA

rubbing your eyes really hard is better than any drug or alcohol

chatGPT psychosis sounds like a nice little vacation

Romancing the Stone 2: Fucking the Stone

tucker carlson voice & face what does it even mean to be *good* at a PVP game? one that usually involves shooting each other in the back. can you *ethically* camp an extract? what about a spawn?

BASED? Right-Wingers Are Now Ordering Their Coffee At Starbucks As 'Landman'

Dan Carlin's Hardcore Pornography

hold strong eddie

doctor choking you a little during your prostate exam

giant cans mean the world to me

if you did drugs recently, They know

my surgeon and i both drive jeep wranglers and he thought it would be funny to leave a rubber ducky from his dashboard inside me. three weeks later there's blood when i go to the bathroom.

defeated by woke 💪

i don't like how the gieico gecko says he "doesn't understand the concept of consent" in the latest ad. why is he saying that?

we love our gifts. we love to be begifted

shaving your knuckle on the box grater, classic culinary misadventure

quote stolen from donald trump

I Paid Some ETSY Witches to Curse Aaron Rodgers

who wants a serving of tiny xmas ziti? fork for scale.

rewatching a classic