you know what's kinda funny to imagine is all the hot local grannies from the porno ads who actually do want to be out cruising for dick but we've made a mockery of them

Huh went away for 3 weeks and I got home and no new smells. Good sign

Dropping my bags and running to my vape pen like it's picking me up at the airport

This is the funniest thing that's ever happened on Threads.

It's soooo smart to go stand right up against the baggage claim belt with your legs actually touching it so that when the 20 people who fit have arrived nobody else can see their bags and have to fight through a crowd of people standing there like duhhh to get their bag off the carousel

Kind of worried about when the last time this plane was serviced was

rewatching Knives Out on the plane and even though I liked glass onion i do think this is better. the part where they make jokes about the kid being a nazi are a little more pointed now

going to have to cut bait on liam neesons while i can still finish another movie on this plane

i know that sounds obvious but it's way worse than the first one

im watching the ice road trucker movie sequel starring liam neeson and it might be the laziest writing I've ever seen

i think i, a 38 year old straight man, am going to start calling Sabrina Carpenter "Brina"

Nicolas HUSSEIN Maduro

the best part of traveling is a bunch of adults watching youtube videos on their phones on the external speakers because every person in this country is as smart and self-aware as an ipad kid now

i love how people are still quote tweeting like 2nd level bureaucrats at the state department saying can you believe he tacitly approved of this post he retweeted that implies there should be more white people in the US? folks the entire government is nazis. you don't need to keep doing this

You see, at a certain follower level you stop being a person and become an institution customers can complain to, like a bank

I think most Americans just assume countries that weren't major combatants in WWII just don't have a military

Flying out of the South back to civilization and there's a lot of guys at this airport who look like they watch golf in their 20s

My nephew just turned 3 and it's amazing how much of him I see in the 80 year olds who post on nextdoor and this wensite

Endless Column, by Constantin Brâncuși, 1938, 📸 by @stephenmally

lol these people have zero principles

every once in a while i look to figure it out and i think now musk could give every homeless person in the US a one bedroom apartment for like 35 years

most people wipe their ass with toilet paper and then clean their hands with soap and water just in case they touched their ass. but their ass is still on their body you know. so there's a line somewhere on their body where poop on one side gets wiped off and on the other side gets soap & water

i mean nobody has written it on the side of a blimp but if you can't see in pieces like this what people meant when they said "the media wants trump to win, no not just the newspaper owners, all of them, even the ones who say they don't" - i give even odds that this reporter doesn't even realize it

this porno is legally a munition

came up with an idea for a new grift: milspec porno

meet the country's latest Air Ace preparing to do battle over Europe with the infamous Red Baron

i have a smartwatch where it monitors my health and sends a notification to my phone if i die

lol i saw something that advertises "longevity tracking" and like. does that mean it checks whether im dead. because i can tell that

meet the country's latest Air Ace preparing to do battle over Europe with the infamous Red Baron

Idea: new fbs bowl series where D2 teams play D1 teams but the D2 QB gets a mech

repost to give those 2 or 3 followers who always like your weird posts a little forehead kiss & a grilled cheese cut diagonally

you guys know that cat that goes huh. huh

back in nyc i had buddy who had place with this long balcony outside his apartment. in the middle of a cold winter we would take turns sealing each other in a cardboard fridge box and smoking a joint inside, and then bursting out of the box all steamed up into the snowfall. like an animals birth

hey what did i do to get blocked

anyway i think one driver of the dems hesitance to call this what it is is because they want to make sure they don't fuck up their ability to do it themselves when/if they get into power

when you come up with something new it's hard coming up with a name for it because most words already mean something

Reading Chotiner interviews with people who actually know what they're talking about is interesting because you realize his main skill is not "gotchas" but just like, facilitating effective communication. when that runs into someone who's used to dissimulating they get humiliated.

this is legitimately the funniest thing i have ever seen

listen up private. the GI bill has been revoked and your enlistment has been extended into lifetime service. you have been reassigned to the 118th doordash division delivering $50 boba tea orders to critically sip-deficient regions

please don't make me compare the relative severity of international child sex trafficking and violating the rome statute. what are we doing here

congratulations to olivia rodrigo and her boyfriend for making up in time for new years

I used to think the bipartisanship line was exclusively because guys like this had a conception of politics from the 80s; now I believe it's at least in part an alibi for doing nothing. Schumer thinks he has to do nothing to avoid endangering a Dem sweep in the midterms; it's probably the opposite.

i think those ring cameras should be illegal

military mom here. a murderer fell out of my pussy like twenty years ago

See this is very good, this should be the unified line @beyer.house.gov

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