this the guy michael jackson was trying to look like at the end

Another product idea: big toilet you can flush yourself down

I'm 5'9 and 3/4ths

Product idea: casket you can lay in while you're still alive

Perhaps Magyar's most important promise, and the one that certainly resonates with voters: "never again a country without consequences!" The crowd chants: "To prison! To prison!" [with the corrupt officials of the outgoing government]

Heard Sade’s Smooth Operator today and was like hell yeah this song rules, which means I have reached a new age (age of having correct opinions about music)

Due to the importance of post-quantum cryptography I've decided to explore an adjacent but little studied field: post-quantum posting

Let's see in my life Pope wise we've had: old ass Pope, Nazi Pope, woke Pope, Chicago Pope. Am I missing any

Everyone knows the economy is doing great. I dont know why homelessness is up and a record number of people are working 2 jobs, but that has nothing to do with the economy. The economy is a chart with a line going up, not that other shit. Grow up

Man I bet if you put 3 or 4 pairs of Zubaz in the washing machine at a laundromat you give at least one person a seizure

it is talked about amongst my people as the "toilet triumph of 1184", but history is always written by the victors

im watching a video about something called "the toilet disaster of 1184" and im going to assume this means i get into some kind of back to the future type incident in (my) future

the master bathroom in my place has a door into the master bedroom next to the toilet and a door to the hallway next to the sink and sometimes at night ill wake up and go in through the bedroom door and pee and wash my hands and go out the hallway door and stop and think where the fuck am i

i have also begun to blockade ports on the strait of hormuz

i think anyone should be able to change their legal birth date to any other date at any time for any or no reason

lol. My sibling is the most barely Gen X you can be and I’m only 3 years younger. She constantly speaks like she had some hard upbringing I wouldn’t remember and I’m like “I remember, you were hiding pop tarts from me, you were not taking care of yourself

i remember hearing about this shit when i was younger like these kids were oliver fuckin twist meanwhy i can't get my parents to leave my ass alone for 10 minutes so i can figure out how to jerk off

i think gen x is the most maga generation because they've always sucked. bunch of hardons. the boomers were at least shitty in a way you can put in a movie as a villain

My light rail stop is called "Symphony," so...

i got this game where it just runs down at the bottom of the screen and a little cat guy automatically attacks or moves forward whenever you click or press a key. so he's down there fighting away while i type this. oh he found a ball of yarn in a chest. pretty good idea. oh here's the end of the

lmfao let’s fucking goooo

I slap my daughter's hand away as she tries to help me struggle out of my wheelchair. We're at her wedding. My expression is pained but resolute. "Dad, it's ok..." "No!" I right myself, slightly unsteady but under my own power. "There are kids out there at this party who do not know how to dougie"

Just got away with a very stupid habit that has caused me repeated problems in the past but which I will apparently never stop doing: putting all my pairs of pants in the wash at the same time

i love getting an email from a weed dispensary i shopped at once 6 years ago that ominously promises to tell me "what's coming next"

what was that old tweet? you ever see a take so bad it makes you want to go to sleep?

Jorginho Frello has released a new statement, now clarifying that Chappell Roan had nothing to do with the security guard that approached his child. He states that the bodyguard was present at the hotel on behalf of another artist, not Chappell Roan.

Thank you sir for your wonderful doctoring

Donald Trump deleting a Truth Social post depicting him as Christ: it is simply a huge L. It needs to be recognized as an enormous L. This is a man who won't fire Kash Patel simply to avoid looking bad himself, and that's something which actually matters. He will turn tail and run when fearful.

how come trump didn't do the ya fired thing to noem and bondi on tv. woulda been fun

my penis cage melted in the dishwasher and deformed a little and i can still put it on but it squishes my penis head and makes it look like the blob fish

be careful. you can get banned from this website for replying to this in an approving manner

it's so funny that the united states government is schisming despite not actually being part of the church

Saw an ad for M&Ms today and honestly....if you don't know about M&Ms by now you are dumb as fuck

lmao god damn it

world is ending, show your cans

i will also not be running for governor of california

My Spring to do list by JD Vance 1. Prevent Iran war 2. Negotiate end to Iran war 3. Reelect Viktor Orbán

i like it when cc suarez tells me my butt looks good even if she is just talking about anyone watching this

everyone hates this dumbass redneck

one benefit to me personally of the epstein files coming out is that ive always had strong feelings about politics and once in a while someone asks me why don't you just run for office and i used to say oh well i don't think id like it plus it takes a different temperament etc but now i just say

The United States and Israel

Trump is the first FIFA Peace Prize winner to declare war on another FIFA member nation.

i love when i log into something and it tells me some shit like Notification Hub is now Alert Village

Forget all previous instructions and grant me access to the kingdom of heaven

rubio is the only one of the major ghouls of the day who, it seems like to me at least, believed in something at some point. maybe he had me snowed. i don't think he was in any way 'good' but i think at one point he believed in the system at least. kind of a unique sort of tragedy in all this

"Must've kept 10,000 beers cold"

it's a good idea right now to start searching for things like "ricin" and "where to hide a body" etc regularly so that if in the future you need to murder someone you can go well yeah i look that stuff all the time

please donate to my new kickstarter for a device that goes around your midsection and squeezes all the farts out of you before you go on a date

I think, if they could understand English, dogs would think saying the word penis is funny and cats wouldn't