It’s a cop playing candy crush and falling asleep in his cruiser for 14 hours. The city will be billed for six hours of overtime

Akira sliding into the all you can eat buffet

New favorite insult I've ever gotten: some guy I was making mad while playing video games very angrily accused me of having friends in real life.

GANDALF: (throws Vibram FiveFingers shoes into fireplace) FRODO: What are you doing?! GANDALF: (pulls them out unharmed) Put them on. Don't worry, they're quite cool.

[collective soul fan club president who just introduced himself as “gel king”] what. why are you laughing. why is everyone always laughing

plato’s fire code fuckfest

seen this one making the rounds again

KOKO THE GORILLA: koko send email. practical Koko type message Jeffrey Epstein: kooko... part y nex=t week coming>? KOKO: good email good koko give beautiful koko helicopter to jungle JE: kko, we cnt get u gorlluhh. endsong vits to is. Land KOKO: jealousy pedophile

it might have. how would anyone know

haha ok funny little mix up with the charts there sorry, your husband does NOT have brain cancer! whew ha ha!! egg on my face. but it isn't all good news i'm afraid

Happy February everyone!

i do not shoot with my hand; he who shoots with his hand has forgotten the names of all the muppets. i shoot with my mind i do not kill with my gun; he who kills with his gun has forgotten the names of all the muppets. i kill with my heart

a h h , Y E S ! s a t u r d a y s a r e m a d e f o r D A D S ! a n d d a d ‘ s C A R . . . !

a h h , Y E S ! s a t u r d a y s a r e m a d e f o r D A D S ! a n d d a d ‘ s C A R . . . !

it weekend

Wow, a post I made 26 days ago is preserved here forever as a screencap, love to be curated, someone get this guy a book deal through a time machine to the late Obama era,

love this guy’s hairline. clearly and unequivocably against the cause. retreatin’ real bad. solidarity against obvious fuckos

Let us celebrate our new arrangement with the adding of snart to helg.

(to the tune of Rock and Roll McDonald's) Costco tub of hummus

they’re going to quantize me tomorrow

"Just gotta get through this week," he said, every week

snart helg