Donald Trump boldly “making the call” at the Mar-A-Lago situation room (conference table with gauzy black curtains around it and a monitor showing a Twitter search for “Venezuela”). Pitbull’s “I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)” is audible in the background.

People mad at Chuck Schumer for not saying anything yet need to respect work-life balance ❤️

I understand the possible reasons for a pregnancy-themed celebration but I’m talking about the form of the celebration. Why would someone who’s pregnant be sucking their thumb? That’s something a baby does.

Just watched Premier League player score a goal then put the ball under his shirt and suck his thumb as a celebration. Is he supposed to be pregnant or a baby. Or both

Oh so you CAN charge presidents with crimes

Receiving even the slightest criticism

i think kathy hochul is converting to islam

*extremely burging voice* Folks,

Barney's Talent Show 2000 VHS : 359s

This is a very “coworker says it to you while you’re waiting for the Keurig to finish” observation but today really does feel Monday as fuck

When the one Ent that was on fire puts himself out in the floodwater 👍

Nobody else in the club has read THE FISHERMAN. Nobody else is thinking about that endless black ocean. Nobody else is is struggling to imagine the scale of Apep

[Tollbooth Willie voice] A DOLLAH TWENTY SIX

Ladies after midnight on New Year’s love to yell at their boyfriend (? is he or not?) Blake

Happy New Year to them 🎊

REPORTER: Mr. Adams, there have been some questions about where you reside, ADAMS: Hey, that’s New York, greatest city in the world! REPORTER: MOTHER FUCKER WHERE DO YOU LIVE

Remember when nobody could get Eric Adams to say where he lived

Happy New Year to my friends on and off the computer 🤝

2026: the year it happens

Don’t particularly care about football but gotta hit the lol on an Ohio State flop

Finally just clicking for me how much the MARTY SUPREME score (excellent) reminds me of the BLOODSPORT score (also excellent), likely conveying major previously-subconscious positive feelings in the process

🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡

That time of year again

Sure there’s a charming handsome vicar who’d help solve it but I think the ongoing ~5% chance of being the murder victim of the week would keep me from settling down in Grantchester

ME: (first day practicing Bug Law) May it please the Court— BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.

Ever Dream This Man?

Obviously the all-time champ, though you’d have to get hit in reverse

Liza depicted over the centuries like Pennywise

Liza

on arc raider some dickhead was taking pot shots at me for like 10 minutes so i hid and waited for him and when he came around i jumped out and murked his ass. he got on the voice chat and called me a bitch. he was like 12 and absolutely screaming in his house. im 41. gaming is fucking back baby

Is there a consensus “Here is the best 4K player to get”? Don’t need any streaming bullshit included but I’m sure that’s all just in there whether you want it or not. Would strongly prefer No Bits in the replies. Thank you.

From: American Standard Re: Your 2025 Wrapped Is Here (Yes We Have Your Email)

One of the best to ever do it

Obviously the all-time champ, though you’d have to get hit in reverse

So, is there a MRS. Scrub Dadd—oh I’m so sorry, you folks have a good night

Monitoring your posts

“So THAT’S what that is” - Fairfield County resident 95 driver

This is true and I was the only one on set excited about it (and playing the song on my phone to blank stares)

I’ve begun evaluating license plates based on how funny they would be to be the last thing you see

This looks like Sinbad died and got reincarnated as a chair.

And at some point in 2026, The Terror: Devil in Silver from @victorlavalle.bsky.social, Karyn Kusama, & me.

Folks, this week’s new episode has everything: -A cat in the HOV lane 🐱🚗 -Garlic mouthwash being used for bad breath 🧄 -Lamb of God fans buying tickets for a Christian Christmas concert 🎸✝️ -A relative of the dodo bird being spotted 🦜 & MORE! apple.co/2yPmdte / spoti.fi/2qSy1Gp / other pod places

This, combined with "vice signaling" (taking pride in antisocial behavior) has given us the reign of the Stupid Asshole, something most people are against, but can only be remedied if we're not too polite to talk about it

I love seeing the New York Times take on a prominent role in the Marge Green Sanewashing Project. Thank you to them.

Sauron was not only evil, he got distracted and his defenses failed

Confidently ordering “The French Onion Soup,” menu unseen, regardless of the restaurant’s type of cuisine

Some near-pro photographs of weird ducks