(In Medieval Lordes chat) my high steward is completely gone off one hit of mead lol…guess whose ass is quietly losing favour in my court (texting my serf) crop yields were BULLSHIT this year btw

Lol nice gyre dude. You widening that shit?

neolithic guys get pissed if you tell them their cultures are organized by the type of pots and jewelry they made. "we called ourselves the blood hunters" "we conquered villages far beyond this horizon" sorry bud you're the western linear pottery culture now

(Showing you some annoying shit that sucks ass) and would you believe a computer made this all by itself?

10:45 lunch leaning over the sink. nothin wrong with that brother

muting off Americans again. happy for you guys tho, or sorry that happened

hello

there's georgetown and jamestown and charlestown. why no davetown

(Banging on the window of a guy talking on the phone in his car) hey man you’re in a filter bubble. Hang on (aggressively rattling the door handle) let me get in there and show you the most racist image you have ever seen,

Sick of everyone assuming that my pro-fungal parasite politics are entirely informed by the fungal parasite that is currently colonizing my brain. Like ya the fungal parasite controls my thoughts and movements but I’m still legally a person

117 year old democratic senator heading the committee to find the liberal Joe Rogan: Voters today want rizz. They want aura. We can no longer sit idly by and allow ourselves to become Unc

Can't think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare

My new album "Cherry-Colored Funk!" is out today, extended from the soundtrack of my short film that's playing at Tribeca. Big focus on genre blending and live instrumentation. Also very danceable. I'm super proud of it. Thanks for the support, means a lot! Spotify: open.spotify.com/album/3VTKqe...

Tried writing about something other than Fredric Jameson and then still wrote about Fredric Jameson a little bit 👍

I would never disrespect an author by allowing their work to circulate in a secondary market. Whenever I finish a book I throw it in the trash

Bro are u okay? The secret coded messages you’ve been sending me through your twitch stream have taken a sinister and violent new direction

“We’ve lost contact with South Florida.” Mass suicides in Palm Beach County and DC reported as word of new DNC messaging “Qatar-a-Lago” reaches Trump organization

Getting some really engaged responses from my undergrads for this assignment on white genocide in south africa

Becoming an Everything App is just the natural next step for a business like airbnb. First you do one thing so bad that several major cities pass legislation to stop you from operating there. Then you just scale that up to include Everything

10:39 am lunch. dont mind if I do

Saddened to hear of the passing of will stencil. never really got his whole deal but he sure seemed to make everyone mad with his posts. rip to him

So humiliating to be a Beatles fan because you have to be like yeah, Paul was really doing some innovative bass work on Mr. Ice Cream’s Tooting Bicycle. Probably the best song on Captain Tea Time’s Silly Navy.

The new pope is probably some guy

Yo dude check this shit out [I drop a second F/A-18F Super Hornet fighter jet into the Red Sea, its unclear what kind of move I was trying to do]

(Guy who has never heard of Alcatraz and thinks trump is planning to reopen the prison from Harry Potter) man FUCK this guy

It's a brutal time for young men. So many of their role models are disappearing right in front of their eyes, only to suddenly reappear without any meaningful attempt to offer healthy explanations beyond "peek a boo.”

Homer of a Lonely Bart

It’s cool that streaming platforms are just getting AI to write songs for them. Musicians can finally kick back and have a few beers

Bro my petard is trash….barely hoisted me at all 🤦‍♂️

only the most free thinking business genius would try to undercut the market monopoly enjoyed by PhD candidates making $240,000+/year

Hello Bluesky, I have a new substack about Hollywood and what goes on inside it - check out the inaugural entry by clicking this hyperlink which this app graciously allows me to post without getting shadowbanned the.vane.fyi/p/anonymous-...

Boycotting the grocery store until they start buying an equivalent volume of groceries from me

I actually don't mind that they're kneecapping global trade. I wasn't really using it anyway

Revealed preferences theory suggests that Wall Street executives value their ability to call their subordinates gay at approximately 8 trillion dollars

Big day for looking at graphs on here

Dude you gotta check out the short story that chatGPT wrote. yeah it sucks ass but I actually really liked it, due to my low IQ

Lol dude check this shit out [I immediately crash the economy by escalating an already pointless trade war, its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do]

Authorities are confirming that Twitter is under siege right now to prevent the spreading of our latest ALAB episode, where I explain my old job as a trial attorney at DOJ doing federal government contracts litigation, and give some insights with Charles on DOGE soundcloud.com/alabpodcast/...

Melted all my Tupperware into a big blob so I can store it more easily. I heat it back up and rip a piece off when I need to store some food

Doing my part in the North American trade war by becoming even more woke

The wife is all pissed off that none of the keys on my key ring open anything anymore. Wow yeah almost like those keys are just for jingling and jangling? But go off I guess

ALAB's back. @wyattprivilege.bsky.social, @garliccorgi.bsky.social and I talk through the scorched earth litigation strategy of Alex Spiro's defense of Jay-Z for his alleged complicity in Diddy party sexual assault.

When the slop shares my values >>>>

Will Stencil. now there's a guy we all love to discuss on here every day for some reason

They should make a new world that doesn’t struggle to be born

You could be like me. You could be picking up some @gloomfather.bsky.social records on @bandcamp.com. No one’s stopping you. Your only limit is yourself. Get out of your own way. Listen to some new music. I’m pointing at your threateningly. Embrace life! orlandogloom.bandcamp.com/album/this-w...

Elon musk: Planes should be able to crash into each other without exploding. Me with broccoli hair wig: On it.

Hey man sorry to hear about all your political turmoil. Would it help if I scrolled around on the computer all day and drove myself insane?