There's a Tim Hortons commercial where a guy uses "conscious" as a noun where he should say consciousness. Plus it's got Ryan Reynolds in it

Only opening one eye from now on

"The Boys are Back in Town" is meant to sound celebratory. But to those of us like myself who considered the boys our friends, it can hurt hearing it second-hand, like I'm the last one to find out

The buoys bob up and down, the buoys bob up and down

Some of the boys who were back in town are probably dead now

"The Boys are Back in Town" is meant to sound celebratory. But to those of us like myself who considered the boys our friends, it can hurt hearing it second-hand, like I'm the last one to find out

If sending it to the moon didn't fix it, at this point it would probably be cheaper to just replace it

Talk to your pharmacist. they're lonely back there..

Bro has jasmine blowing around in his mind 😂

My friend got his video onto Youtube. He knows a guy who has an account there

Walking down the aisle to Message To Harry Manback

Jordan peterson vanishing just ahead of all the hell he helped unleash is so funny to me

We should all get together and disperse

I'm well known for my obscurity

Somebody tore my shreds to ribbons!

This woman i work with saw a guy slip in the snow and she said it was "like watching a video on instagram"

Bro has jasmine blowing around in his mind 😂

La Grange would be a great song, someone should make it

I'm filling in my basement. i just don't have room for it..

Incredible character design that you can recognize them even without their clothes

The "Streisand effect" is nonsense.. i've still never heard of her

Whatever else they do in this song would be worth it just for this part

I'm trying to be more positive, and also more negative

You can learn a lot just from playing video games. For example, i learned so much just from playing video games

After Weekend at Bernie's came out, "Bernie" became the general term for any dead guy you had to pretend was alive for a weekend

Did you know that the spiders in your home learn your routine? So if you see a spider when you're jacking off in the morning, it's a pervert

I can't tell you how many times I've opened up a book by a supposed "humorist" and it's not even a funny font

The next time you notice someone has a hole in their sock, offer to mend it for them. beyond just being a nice thing to do, it's an opportunity to learn a new skill

"Laurie Strode" was the perfect name for the gal. Because she walked around

Soooooo Lord of the rings just happened

"I wish John Wayne Gacy wasn't a clown. It's a stain on the profession." That's cool. I wish he wasn't a serial killer

I'm trying to be less intentional

This is a major goof

In comedy, there's a "rule of three". That's why there's "three" Stooges, and not, say, 1,000,000.

Huge red flag when a guy's always like "one more murder." Yeah dude you said that the last time. You're a serial killer

My dog has taken to barking at me when his sunbeams go away. Sorry i can't help with that bud. Wish i could!

I'm afraid a bee might come out this summer

Is the tide turning on Tide Pods? This man is eating them again

Who still does it. lemme at em!

They should make fire re-extinguishers in case the thing catches back on fire

Watched a movie yesterday with Scully's dad in it then another movie later with Mulder's dad in it. Really weird. Those guys don't even show up in movies!

I hate that i know what a wizard is. I'm such a nerd

Listening to kraftwerk and dancing around like a computer

I can relate to the Shy Girl thing because they refused to publish my dusty old tome when they found out it was partially written by a demon

I didn't mind that Ferris bueller skipped school because i enjoyed the character

I'm never gonna get old.. also, this weekend is going to last forever

AIO that my buddy said "smell ya later"

A guy woke up one morning as a giant bug.. but you won't hear about that in the mainstream media

This maze was easy to get out of. you'd just move the mouse

You can tell they re-used some of the same dunes