i got kicked out of the Future Crimes Unit after i dropped my ice cream cone into the precog tank and it killed the weird little guy in it

dressing like a late 1800s man of leisure. having 40 raw oysters and 3 whiskeys for lunch. my wife has run away with the pinkerton detective I hired. German research into the new dirigible technology makes me angry

have to admit it is quite funny that Donald Trump, the Republican Party president, has kicked the green energy transition into overdrive with a de facto ~$100 a ton carbon tax. getting a little chuckle out of that

malding earthcels mogged by airchads

☝️

Once again milf hunters will be honoring mother's day with the traditional amnesty

Extremely funny that this, from 1627, is indistinguishable in message from modern RETVRN / masculinity podcasters.

necromancer that I hired to raise my grandpa from the dead:

NEW ANALYSIS: What's going on in Spain? Spain's wholesale electricity price in early 2026: €44/MWh. Italy: €127. Germany: €96. UK: €103. Wind+solar now deliver 44% of generation. Gas sets the price in just 9% of hours, down from 55% in 2022. Full analysis: janrosenow.substack.com/p/spain-just...

Why the fuck is it in Nebraska? BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE YOU WOULD SEND PEOPLE THAT MIGHT HAVE THE GODDAMN ANDROMEDA STRAIN. THAT’S WHY THEY CREATED THIS UNIT

We need to come up with a name for an ABS challenge from a batter on a strike that's completely inside the zone. Something catchy like "the midshipman's regret."

Lord Sugar: The battle is lost, we must away at once! Prince Taffy: I can't leave my home... I can't! Minister Molasses (evil): Your safety is paramount. Candyland will be safe in my sticky fingers, my prince...

At this point, solving climate change is cheaper than not solving it -- not only on some grand 50 year time horizon, but tomorrow, today, immediately. Soving climate change *is* affordability. Maybe Dems should tell voters about that.

quick thread 🧵 After MLB investigated and cleared a player who allegedly choked his fiancée from discipline, I asked league commissioner Rob Manfred how the league uses input from people who participate. Here's what Manfred said: www.readeyeblack.com/p/mlb-promis...

Then I asked a woman who dated the player and joined the investigation. She said MLB's Department of Investigation needled her to show them video of the player abusing her, didn't contact an alleged witness she said could corroborate her testimony, and didn't tell her the league cleared her ex.

Then, for this story, I asked MLB about these allegations that the league didn't speak to alleged witnesses who believe they could have helped build a case. Here's what MLB said to my new questions: [File not found.] You can read the whole thing here:

[at the last judgment] JESUS: And the baby prisons? EVANGELICALS: to own the libs, right JESUS: And the libs, who are they EVANGELICALS: uh mostly illegal aliens. if we really hate a pretty girl we call her fatherless. some widows JESUS: Alien, fatherless, widow, got it. So you see these millstones

Upon reaching adulthood, young men and women take on a totem animal and join the spirit lodge. But increasingly, they are adopting the crab spirit exclusively. Moreover, they have formed their own Crab Society and pride themselves on their freakishly powerful pinching abilities.

there are two americas. there's the america i live in, and there's the america where they watch Tracker on CBS, about lone-wolf survivalist Colter Shaw, who roams the country as a "reward seeker," using his expert tracking skills to help citizens while contending with his own fractured family

The irony bro frees his mind at the tshirt drawer

dc taxpayers who don't take the train or bus should have their taxes septupled

tis the season

Nostalgia is almost always idiotic.

look at my kerning dawg i’m going to canva jail

A bunch of extremely beautiful pictures of wind farms in China - all photographs by Weimin Chu e360.yale.edu/digest/china...

No wonder she's the one they chose

if he's intentionally targeting the mets and liberty with these posts: mamdani carrying a sports curse would be a great, great bit

The message should not only be “you can’t stop us” but also “if you try to stop us we’ll mess up your career”

I hope you people realize we're gonna be about six months into the President AOC administration when you start seeing people talking about how much better the economy was under Trump in 2024.

the fast food chain white castle is older than italian unification

Concerning!

i don't want to be cynical about the "let's buy spirit air" thing but when they cite the "community owned" green bay packers as the model they want to emulate that tells me they think the people giving them money are stupid

laura loomer mattering at all to anyone is one of the most humiliating things that could've happened to the american government. i bet she's as surprised as anyone by this turn of events.

Wait youre telling me this isnt actually Bryce Harper in these pictures or running this profile?

Now that's the good shit

(doing the bare minimum) you have no idea what i go through every day

the fast casual dining industry has plateaued for three quarters now. consumers see little difference between slop bowl merchants and price increases are squeezing franchisees. my solution to restore explosive sector growth: a gachapon capsule prize hidden within every slop bowl's grain layer

Blocking doomers. We've had GCB polls showing Dems up 10, Trump's approval (which will drive results) is dogshit, and you're saying that making winning the house a point harder means we're a one party state? Go back to Canada.

Exactly this. Supreme Courts don’t get the final word on legislation any more.

there's a reason woo is comorbid with fascism and it's not because hitler specifically loved the occult, it's because magical thinking is inherently reactionary

koko: koko not vote for this koko want them out but no. koko says no not like this koko want criminals away handler: now koko, what did you think mass deportation meant?

Some of the bands are a bit derivative but that's still a harsh indictment of an entire genre

me: I am being condemned for my 'dirty sodas' them: Holy shit! You were criticized for adding cream to soda? me: LOL no...no not that them: So....fruit juices then? me: Haha no not those either them: Which additives, exactly? me: Oh, you know the ones

You do not hate the DOGE people enough. Boys with toys breaking things they were too arrogant and lazy to understand.

/horn fanfare from the beginning of "Ante Up" starts playing faintly, it's unclear from where

Looking at the features of the Star Fox remake, I feel like this game will be controversial

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