im too high to listen to andrew cuomo talk but happy mayoral debate to all who celebrate

coptical illusion

haven't seen a good "oh, you mean you trust your faulty empirical senses" since I stopped arguing about atheism in high school

actual turtles have great balance so maybe think before you throw around besmircheous animal comparisons

kash patel taking over SCP and standing by The Obelisk of Distortion for selfies cause it makes him look taller

donald trump is very relatable to me because I also hate and fear stairs

baby animes are the way I really need you

theyre playing d'angelo in the optometrist office

I need the powdered lead with the lowest quantity of protein. I'm worried about my kidneys

a lot of things would be different if we'd had to spend the last 80 years doing all our math by hand. better? maybe, maybe not. but it's something to think about

fired by my therapist for being mentally perfect

you can tell that young republican group chat thing is all incestuous backstabbing for two reasons. the first is that it's chatlogs and the second is that it's politico

repeat after me: pixelated. fantasy. action. roguelike. *pistol whipping you* coming soon to early access

Rip D’Angelo that sucks

the time thing is extra wild because no one's going to read the story and everyone's going to see the picture

finally definitely autumn

I appreciate that giancarlo esposito has a full time job as the guy from those instagram memes of him

this is great hot toddy weather

enjoying a traditional American ramen for lunch. oishii!

Honored to draw my first cover for TIME ❤️

lentil puree and sausages is maybe the least photogenic meal I can imagine but that man's disquieting aura seeps through everything to make it the worst version of itself

using the same "check out what's new at the library" campaign to spread the word about the mysterious ritual objects in the forbidden cave at the edge of town

the best part of the weekend is waking up at weekday times and just staying in bed

bobby flay and gordon ramsay shows should be banned for very similar but not exactly similar reasons as true crime

(suspiciously) why is everyone being nice to me

I would be reasonably easy to convince that jared leto's entire career is a cia op

a good use case for AI would be a bot that can tell when someone's in a quote tweet fight and mutes both accounts for 6 hours

it really is an unenviable task to come up with things for andrew cuomo to say that won't just remind people of something they hate about andrew cuomo

[most annoying nerd voice you can imagine] lupe fiasco no contest

online in general is about the crucial authenticity of our whining and the sinister frivolity of everyone else's whining

I want to live in a new dark age. Lucky me!

bullshitting is so important as a skill and if you're an american sometimes its your only skill. don't let them take that from you too

emojency

they should invent a machine that makes toast

[national guardsman smashing a protestor's face with the butt of his rifle] I hate doing this. I could be running a food bank rn 😔😔

"guys! guys! you should do what i did and watch a movie. then do what im not doing and get arrested"

millernarianism

hort tumby, pi

clean your room guy's life is a total mess eh. tapping the sign

inaugural harness test

veterans of star wars arguments on the internet could have told you that the inevitable consequence of "robots are people" is "ok but that means you have one trillion robot slaves"

made this, a+ www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/old-...

unfollowing now, i followed for his paintings and malapropisms, did not know that he banned yaoi

I'd just use dorian electra's cover of happy by pharrell

website owners want to be a mythologized poster but none want to do the hard work of being a semi-likeable weirdo for a decade

a common theme across horror as a genre is that if you're evil and having fun you're invincible

[setting up media server for annual halloween movie marathon with friends] wow plex looks like shit now

if you're nostalgic for 2002 you're too young for me to interact with

egg toast dinner [guitar riff]