You think you have your whole life ahead of you, brimming with unsquandered potential? Of course you do. You're twelve.

I like when people tell me that I'm good and have value. I dislike when I fall into an open sewer and die.

Now that the election is over, we can admit that Zohran Mamdani's free bus service program is inspired by an experimental free train ride program from the 1940s.

People only like me when I'm funny, or smart, or kind, or their friend or family, or having a hard time and in need of cheering up. I wish, just once, someone would like me for me.

The last time New York had a decent mayor was Giuliani, over two decades ago. Say what you will about him (you younger people only know what's become of him after leaving office), but he really did clean up the city. He oversaw the removal of its two biggest eyesores.

This map is highly misleading. In the American electoral system, votes don't influence policy.

People only like me when I'm funny, or smart, or kind, or their friend or family, or having a hard time and in need of cheering up. I wish, just once, someone would like me for me.

People always complain about the camera in Super Mario 64. It seems fine to me? You can manually control it.

I hate having significant control over my life, stress level, and what I do daily in someone else's hands. Why should anyone else have such power over me, when we are both equally adults? But this is the mode of life we have decided 99% of people should accept as the natural order of things.

The last time New York had a decent mayor was Giuliani, over two decades ago. Say what you will about him (you younger people only know what's become of him after leaving office), but he really did clean up the city. He oversaw the removal of its two biggest eyesores.

A lot of people are absolutely missing your joke here

You never hear about eBay anymore.

This map is highly misleading. In the American electoral system, votes don't influence policy.

Andrew Cuomo has put out a statement: "Best three out of five?"

I am dark woke. Or like, mocha woke.

Now that the election is over, we can admit that Zohran Mamdani's free bus service program is inspired by an experimental free train ride program from the 1940s.

I'm calling it now. Zohran will be mayor of New York within a year, perhaps even earlier.

Following in his father’s footsteps!

Cuomo has experience no one else can boast of. His concession speech is meticulous because he has given it before.

Thank god Mario Cuomo isn't alive to see this disappointment today. To see what has become of his name. Thank god for that careening turtle shell.

It was inevitable that the 2024 electorate would choose a Republican president even though the 2020 electorate chose a Democrat president. Older people are more conservative.

Magnus Carlsen press conference, announcing his intention to capture a king by the end of the year. No mere checkmate, full capture. The holy grail of chess. The four minute mile.

How fun, living in mad king world. Not just Trump but every part of society is like this, with its own mad king at its own hierarchical level. Twitter is run by a mad king. Your boss is a mad king, and so is their boss.

Let p(n) be the probability you leave with 11 ten dollar bills rather than 0, starting from having n ten dollar bills. We are interested in p(10) but we will solve for p(n) in general (for n a whole number between 0 and 11).

That is, between 66.2% and 66.3%.

I hate that Twitter deletes posts upon account suspension or the like, deleting the historical record. Sometimes I had good jokes quoting or replying to some of those.

Let p(n) be the probability you leave with 11 ten dollar bills rather than 0, starting from having n ten dollar bills. We are interested in p(10) but we will solve for p(n) in general (for n a whole number between 0 and 11).

Halloween is my least favorite holiday. My greatest fear is being frightened.

it's absurd that a MICROBLOGGING WEBSITE THAT HAS A HARD EXPECTATION OF HOW MANY CHARACTERS THERE ARE IN A POST DOES NOT DETERMINISTICALLY SHOW ALL OF THE CHARACTERS IN THE POST

I hate how Bluesky does this when displaying threads. Just truncates posts with no indication words have been left out. Highly misleading.

if you believe that a better world is possible, you may be tarred as a doomer, because achieving a better world involves calling attention to what is wrong with this one. your very optimism is called pessimism, particularly by people for whom the current world is more than comfortable.

The backlash where ice becomes as tainted a symbol of evil as a swastika or a toothbrush mustache will be intense. No more cold drinks.

I understand every old person has said this throughout history, I understand I am just Andy Rooney, but, things genuinely did used to be better in many ways. Many things have been enshittified within my lifetime which did not used to be annoying in the way they are annoying now.

When I was young, teenagers made fun of their elders. They had no respect at all. It's different now. To kids these days, the coolest thing you can be is elderly. They aspirationally chant the retirement age for full Social Security benefits.

I had some disagreements with Will Stancil in the era when Biden was president. In the era when Trump is president, Will Stancil is my brother.

Are You Moderating A Joke? A Bluesky Tutorial

oh my god. lol. this website’s moderation is an absolute joke

It’s shit like this that has people referring to death as un life or to kill as unalive but in real life.

I hate this bouncy castle safety first ass preschool of a website. Im sticking a fork into an un-babysafe outlet and theres nothing you all can do about it @moderation.bsky.app

The backlash where ice becomes as tainted a symbol of evil as a swastika or a toothbrush mustache will be intense. No more cold drinks.

The stock market will crash in '29, heralding a catastrophic depression.

6 7. Nice. Blaze it. Bababooey.

Today would have been James Dean's 90th birthday, had he been born precisely 90 years ago.

Everyone's stereotypical image of a Holocaust survivor is Jewish. But actually, the rates of Holocaust survival were much higher among non-Jews.

I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like anyone else. But I do the legs in the wrong order.

People love to brag "18 months cancer free", "5 years cancer free". Piddling numbers. I'm 40 years cancer free.

You would have to be the biggest mathematical genius in history to figure out how to add up the numbers from 1 through 100.

Theorem: There are no interesting numbers. Proof: Consider an arbitrary number n. n is uninteresting. n has no nontrivial properties at all.

My penis is long, making its distal end far away, making it look small.

Everyone is mid. Humans are supposed to look some other way.