Hey do you think Alex Trebek leads a daily masterclass through the trivia of the universe up there, or do you think he just rests

Man, we've hit the era of RE:RE:FWD:Our War Crimes

No! No!!

My doctor says I have Colony Collapse Disorder

No but there SHOULD be a Collegiate Quidditch game set in New England in the mid 2010s. Build your team! Manage your polycule! Get a job in marketing!

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name

Lawbert Mueller, as he was known

I swear to god this is going to drive me insane. Read the article! The author is saying they can be driven autonomously! Your jokes about soldiers dying inside of them don't make sense!

More like One Oscar After Another

At Quark's, obviously

My biggest pet peeve with the Hormuz thing is that everybody is talking about Fitzcarraldo, a movie about the futility of trying to hoist a boat over a mountain, instead of Burden of Dreams, a movie about actually physically trying to hoist a boat over a mountain and how futile that actually is.

You can use Hot Jabba as a useful shorthand for the kind of fan Disney is trying to attract with this movie. I call it the Hutt Fucker Proxy.

Evil halal guy (haram guy) who dyes his sauces the wrong colors

the chips are down. an administration on the ropes. the legitimacy of a regime hanging in the balance. donald j trump has one last desperate shot to turn this whole thing around with an epic speech

i’ve decided there won’t be a blizzard today and i invite you all to join me in this general strike. they can’t snow us all in without our consent!

Setting this reminder was perhaps my most brilliant move ever

CONCLAVE THEMED FREE SKATE

A skater's rotation is how long his day be

LISAN AL'GAIB

Dudes love to be named Mac Forehand

*wisely* famke kok

Most people experienced the fall of the Roman Empire as: “One day a bridge collapsed, and no one came to fix it.”

Ring cameras are only ever good for catching process servers in a lie in housing court proceedings. Surely there's an alternative, tho

Becoming the most sacked QB in Superbowl history on a turnover to touchdown, the refs should offer Drake Maye a tanto.

Unfortunately this is my username now

God forbid Apollo bestow the gift of prophecy on this poor innocent US Attorney

ny.eater.com/restaurant-o... Hell yeah/recession indicator

With ballot petitioning coming up, I would like to propose a change in the law: allow voters to sign a petition against a candidate to keep them off the ballot. There's some people we just shouldn't have to deal with.

No! No!!!

Moved beyond words by the courage and resolve shown by the people of Minneapolis

It's just as Gramsci says: one must have pessimism of the intellect, and faith of the heart

www.nbcnews.com/politics/whi... No! No!!!

Alan I don't really think you can refer to Magna Carta as a "tome." It's like one page.

Maybe we need to bring back just a wee bit of shame actually

X: The Nothing App

Just remembered the time I showed my wife Rent immediately before we saw La Boheme and realized that I forgot to explain the difference between the endings... Whoops

Sorry, what? The federal “investigation” into ICE’s killing of an American is investigating the *victim*?

This is the second "AI rendition of famous recently dead person walks through all of the tableaux of their life while grinning vacantly" and I hate it! It got worse than the last time (Ozzy) because it's not even novel now! Don't do this! Dead celebs only do this when they're SEVERELY depressed!

This is how I find out they're doing "Gaston"

Oh it's cold outside? should we tell everybody? Should we throw a party? Should we invite Parson Brown?

Wife: Remember when you were making lasagna every week? That was the best. Me: You told me to stop doing that. Her: Well yeah, I didn't like you being in the kitchen for hours. Me realizing I had the opportunity of my fucking life: So you're saying... You hated Mondays... But loved lasagna??

@nogodsnomayors.com how many mayors do you need to qualify as a mayorgy nypost.com/2025/11/11/u...

All jokes aside, and I'm sorry for earnest-posting and no shade against @pattymo.com but - Kim Kardashian won't see your jokes about not passing the bar, but your friends who didn't pass the bar will. Also why we gotta abolish the dang bar.

I would simply not build the infinitely replicating space mind-virus if I received it via satellite.

A wall is not enough, I need to run through a landlord. I need their body to splatter like Jell-O.

That's MAYOR Cardamom, motherfucker

Ah shit I'm nervous