I used to find The Onion funny, but they’ve become really mean (and personal) lately.

The only required reading before watching Emerald Fennell Wuthering Heights is not the Bronte book, but rather the Tina Fey Culturistas podcast clip

That's weird, she just told me that she didn't even race today.

Her: You better not be cunty US-Japan curling match when I get home My goofy ass:

What kinda life is Jon living that he constantly has lasagna on deck for Garfield to get into? That shit takes hours brother

me to my teenage son: "hey it's 12 degrees out. you can't just wear your giannis jersey to school." teenage son:

Thomas CAUGHT doubtmaxxing as Christ stuns death-cels

Why does the Netherlands short track speed skating coach look like he's about to clock in for his shift at the Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center ER alongside a colorful cast of other doctors, nurses, and orderlies?

sorry i missed the virtual meeting on discord, liz. i got hit with the id verification that happens when the app detects youre young

99% of modern security products are just some company going "would you like this app that gamifies paranoia" and you going "yeag" like just don't do it. just turn it off

this post never fails to crack me up

We put on an all-Yiddish community production of fiddler on the roof in Philadelphia and cast member and local artist Sofie Rose Seymour created the most amazing show poster that ever was

IMPORTANT OLYMPIC NEWS: THE POLISH FIGURE SKATING TEAM HAS A PLUSH PIEROGI

Nothing is said in the telegram about the seven and the six.

The Liberals have been accustomed to console themselves with constitutional illusions and phrases about the rule of law, and close their eyes to the real relation of forces, to the class struggle.

7 G+T-deep wedding uncle who underestimated how many "A little bit louder now"s were in Shout and had to start overclocking

You can’t be naming your play that, man

RPGs be like "That dead goblin had like 30 bucks on him"

It's far down the list of annoying things about AI, but the Stochastic Average Font that is in all these images creeps me out. Like a text version of the Uncanny Valley. 2020's Zalgo text.

what most people say when they see me for the first time

Elon Musk for the last 24 hours:

"moot is in the epstein files" is the completely true sentence that has finally convinced me this is all an extremely stupid simulation and that we're all being used to power a robot overlord's game gear or something

the next saw movie will be legitimately good and all my friends are going to be so disappointed

Catherine O'Hara was so talented she managed to be funny in Schitt's Creek, a show that didn't have any jokes in it

Calculating their ages when they got married

I think it's bullshit that there's a Secret Form of a letter in the alphabet, and we've all agreed not to talk about it. What's its deal? What else are they hiding from us?

half of all tech news lately is some variation of "the computer company has discontinued their well known product, the computer"

"this soda has 7 grams of protein" and this earth has fallen into irreversible corruption

Tim Walz: "Ah! By extending a rhetorical hand of kindness and understanding, methinks I have begun deescalating this heated national moment." 400,000 rightwing influencers retweeting an AI picture of "Tampon Tim" feeding a white baby to a Somali family: "We gotta kill this guy."

Hearing a followup report that they also continued their streak of ignoring a piece or Real Art. No estimates of the death toll at this time

Getting word that for the 1025th consecutive time, a major entertainment award committee has nominated Some Bullshit. I thought for sure they were gonna break the streak this time out

Radicalized by the "not sure if we have pesto at home so I picked some up" to "four jars of pesto in the pantry" pipeline

Democrats are going to get back into power and offer ICE agents a five-figure yearly bonus to voluntarily submit to a yearly ethics review and when you point out how they're greasing the gears of fascism, you'll get called a tankie

i know it's 90% off but a warning to potential customers not to buy the steam version of heavy rain. it is not safe. it installs heavy rain on your computer

The PWHL is tough to watch because there’s a prevalent attitude of “I hope everyone has fun!” and as a Philadelphian I just can’t abide that

The defining political mode of our time is Democratic leaders bending over backwards to fund and empower radicalized pseudo-militias that increasingly see themselves at war with the communities in which they are located and especially with the leaders who give them everything they want

My scheming vizier when I start to cough after taking a swig of wine from my goblet

The biggest pussies in the world

Democrats are the biggest pussies in the world bro

Lot of suits saying ICE officers need more training but idk, giving contradicting orders to a civilian and shooting her when she doesn’t comply to both is a pretty veteran cop move

The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

this is the saddest ending to video i've seen in a while (the hot dog cat is fine)

Five year anniversary of Trump getting his Twitter account suspended—The most severe consequence he has ever and will ever face in his life

you guys ever see Looper

Hey so the rest of us in the Pluribus had a vote and we decided to kick you out because you brought way too much Digimon lore into the hivemind

Really funny giving dewy-eyed pleas about not following illegal orders to a cohort so guileless that there's a cottage industry of giving them predatory loans on Dodge Chargers.