1) dragons 2) giants 3) mermaids 4) goblins

me (casting spell of penis explode in the direction of the white house but a hot girl walks by with silver hair and rimless glasses reminding me of biwa hayahide from umamusume and i turn to catch a glimpse of her beauty): ouuh lindsey graham: ow

no matter your politics it’s disrespectful to joke about someone’s death. don’t say lindsey graham died from smoking a cigar because the cigar exploded in his face and his pants and socks and underwear flew off and then he dropped the cigar on his penis which also exploded. don’t say stuff like that

i think on a moral scale this is almost on par with just killing the guy

i'd like to sincerely apologize for missing the mark with the satire in this post. the lack of clarity and purpose has led to it being mistaken for and contributing to that which it intended to criticize. i've since learned how the pyramids were built: very carefully

um, so everyone cheering on egypt in the world cup realizes how the pyramids were built right? but i guess that's a conversation you're not ready to have

Afghanistan, April 2004

my “i deny the latest allegation of sexual assault” tattoo next to my other “i deny the latest allegation of sexual assault” tattoo has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my tattoos

england just scored two goals in four minutes. if they keep this pace up the final score will be 28-0

we’re about to see the first american struck by lightning, fireworks, and a fighter jet at the same time

seems cruel to make the french go to philadelphia. “je voudrais un steak au fromage” okay buddy

i’m hanging with my very asian family this weekend and while the food is great, sometimes you just need a fat ass cheese burger off the grill with chips and pickles man

we avvin a real fahkin problem with bloody penalty kicks mate

are you allowed to sit on another team mates shoulders in soccer. because i have an idea on how to make corner kicks even sillier

drop of water on one of the overhead cameras in this game. will not be able to pay attention to anything else now

it's read the opinions from some stupid assholes in robes day again

we hebben een serieus peenalty keek probleem

scenes without mommy’s face in them are unnecessary in movies. it does nothing to advance the story of where did mommy go

all scenes are unnecessary in movies. there's no need for any scenes. everyone should just read the plot summary on wikipedia

because of my last name i often get calls from scammers who ask "do you speak chinese" and i repeat "english only please" until they get angry. then they insult me in chinese and i say "thank you, have a nice day" in perfect chinese and get to hear 3-4 seconds of glorious yelling before i hang up

just sold all my spacex shares after the drop. will buy it again when it goes up

i will never go insane from online. i am immune to poster's madness. the key is being addicted to a new gacha game every few years so i don't have time to read posts because i am making increasingly complex spreadsheets to min max my f2p account. now realizing i may have a different kind of madness

truck hitbox power creep

they’re trying to arrest me for pissing in the reflecting pool. a bunch of cops are chasing me but i’m too fast and my dick is still out and pissing and the piss is landing on their faces as they chase me

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to show up in full combat gear on a hot summer day to the pool he filled with algae because he gave a paint job to one of his cigar puffing cronies. you are ordered to stop tourists from touching the green water. good luck soldier

the key to the city should unlock a sick dungeon underneath the city's sewers you get to explore. the knicks team gets to adventure in a big ass dungeon during the off season

every car parked in downtown manhattan today during the knicks parade

i went to costco for the first time last weekend. membership fee is $65 a year. but a hot dog + soda combo is $1.50. if you assume a hot dog + soda elsewhere is like $3.50, that's $2 in savings. so if i eat a hot dog + soda at costco 33 times a year i break even. now if i eat there 300 times a year,

(trying to film a front facing video in my car) what's really in a costco hot dog 😮 well first is the bun 😏 and then you got uhh the hot dog 😅 and some mustard and ketchup 😬 tastes pretty good actually 😋 and i got some soda too

longest ten seconds of my life man

my blaz blue my guilty gear strive my blood melty knicks in five

Cast of Laocoön and his Sons (Roman version of a lost Greek original), 100BC-50AD

WE HAVE THE MANDATE OF HEAVEN

that dumb fucking pedophile showed up to the garden just to shit his pants and curse the city for another fifty years

that guy in the kfc commercial just now was also in the chase commercial

dungeon module ny-11 curse of the lich king the lich king's arrival threatens to curse the city for the next hundred years. while he is attending the NBA FINALS, your band of heroes must find and destroy his secret phylactery. their perilous journey commences on the island of LITTLE SAINT JAMES,

what if it happened in the middle of game 3

Live look at the GOG intern

the guy who rushed the court last night during the nba finals to take a selfie with wemby did it to promote a memecoin on his shirt. his tiktok is full of videos of him rushing onto the field at sports games to pump and dump crypto. i hate this stupid world man

the appliances in my apartment are from like 15 years ago, stove, fridge, dishwasher, etc, low tech. repair guy came in to fix a faulty wire with the stove and i asked him if i should think about getting a new one. he immediately was like "no man hold onto this thing for as long as possible" lol

the excel world championship is actually sick as hell. they put up all the previous final challenges on their site to download for free if you want to try them out

sometimes you come across a post in the wild that stun locks you. what do you mean you watch tv shows in random order when you’re bored. i need to study your brain