there's a new trend among young people called "microliving" they close their eyes for a few seconds and experience a rich and fulfilling life from start to finish in their minds. birth. friendship. love. heartbreak. joy. loss. grief. death. but how does this affect their productivity at work

my latest project, using ai to build hyperlocal prediction markets, has just received $1000000000 in funding. now you can bet on what your coworker jeff will have for lunch. i don't see any problems with this business model

was playing video games tonight. did not hear any car horns, fireworks, cheering, etc outside so i know it didn’t happen. maybe next time. maybe soon

CHAD SOPHIST Polus has FALLEN in the rankings after being THOUGHT MOGGED by THINKMAXXER Socrates, who argues it is better to suffer an injustice than to commit one, causing Polus to CRASH OUT in front of the Athenian orators

i've made a new comic called "TOY STORY II: a sequel to Toy Story".

me (posting on the neopets role playing forum): it’s actually funny how this has become such an unserious space for neopians. it’s losing neopoints, will never be relevant, and is seen as a joke among the neopets battledome forum

new pannenkoek just dropped. love my hyperfixation king. so much work must go into these, even the outro could be its own video

the computer should have never left this room. we have to go back

the left needs to seriously engage with umamusume: pretty derby. if you don't plan out which support card banners to pull for the next year, you'll struggle to be competitive during future scenarios and champions meetings

my cat every day at 4 pm

it’s so cool that the tech world is driving themselves miserable and insane to build apps

reading about the effects of cutting USAID. i think a painting of elon musk should be hung in public for everyone to see. a painting of elon musk should be put up against a wall and shot with a nice camera

kristi noem won't see your mean tweets, but your friends who need blankies when mommy isn't around will see them

well credit where credit’s due: it’s 2035 and i’m driving to work in elon musk’s moon city—or rather my optimus robot chauffeur is, heh. i’m just kicking back and enjoying the view. what kind of a name for a moon bridge is owl creek

It took me months, about 495 rides, recovering from a shattered right foot and hacking a folding scooter, but I finally own a Nintendo Switch 2 using points obtained from Citi Bike. Afterwards, it left me questioning the very nature of work. For @aftermath.site. aftermath.site/switch-2-cit...

for any one else confused about the news this morning, i looked it up. el paso means "the pass" in a language called spanish

the umamusume subreddit had to disable images yesterday because people kept posting a gif of sakura bakushin getting her armpit licked

old man yelling at cloud but forums were great for maintaining a historical record for niche communities. my specific gripe is for magic the gathering, decks in eternal formats were developed in years of threads and you could go back and see how cards were implemented from new sets over time

if i was the patriots quarterback i would throw the ball to one of my team mates. but i guess that’s why i’m not in the super bowl

honestly respect for the ad that’s just like “pokemon are cool.” they are cool

CASTER: The cheers from the crowd are deafening here at the Arima Kinen! As the racers round the final corner, Gold Ship makes her way towards the front! Can she take the lead? GOLD SHIP (turning to the camera): Bet on your favorite Umamusume today on DraftKings. Get $300 in bonus bets with promo c

just sold all my bitcoin after the drop. will buy it again after it goes up

elon has more money than god and he bought twitter and turned it into a pipeline of right wing sewage pointed directly at his mind 24/7. his brain is absolutely cooked. it’s a miracle he can even string sentences together

they say i spent time on j-dawg’s, uh, mr. epstein’s island. that’s a terrible lie. i didn’t even get to use the zip line. i mean if there even was a zip line on the island

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to wake up at 5 am and don 30 lbs of tactical gear you bought off amazon to sit in a chevy tahoe in the parking lot of the elementary school where you kidnapped a five year old kid to intimidate his teachers. good luck soldier

BREAKING: The two federal immigration agents who fired on Minneapolis protester Alex Pretti are identified in government records as Border Patrol agent Jesus Ochoa and Customs and Border Protection officer Raymundo Gutierrez.

if you don’t stop calling us murderers we’ll murder you

one of the agents said “okay we know” when we were whistling so i leaned in and whistled louder and he threatened to pepper spray me. i then said “are you scared of a fucking whistle dawg” and he very meekly said “no i’m not scared of a whistle”

tony dokoupil (dressed up as a yellow pikmin with the jigsaw reverse bear trap device attached to his head): and next up on w-whiskey f-fridays... is my m-mother.. me (in a poorly fitting wig and dress): hello my tony dookie pill tony (fear in his eyes): n-not how it's pronounced.. m-mother...

these liberals eat poo to leave their food comfort zone

according to bluesky, working for ice is a protected class against discrimination lol

i can’t get over how stupid these dudes are. a secret paramilitary force made up of the dumbest guys you’ve ever met

people in sf are scrunging their bungos. they’re wiring fleebs to their pudbots

yeah

tony dokoupil (dressed as a yellow pikmin and strapped to a chair while a series of images flashes before him on tv): dead battery. soda can. pickle jar me: welcome to whiskey fridays with tony dookie pill! tony: not how it's pronounced me (zapping him with a taser): olimar angy tony: chap stick

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

lol

me (bursting open my apartment window like ebenezer scrooge): you there, boy! did it happen? boy (gloomily): no sir

ahh a nice night out at the movies. now time to check my phone and see what our mad pedophile king and his evil scheming viziers are up to

me (recording front facing video on my phone): the internet asked and we delivered! welcome to whiskey fridays with tony dookie pill tony dokoupil (gagged and tied up in my basement dressed as a yellow pikmin): nrt hrw ifs prnounced me: no talking tony. pick up that soda can

TONY: Welcome to Whiskey Fridays with Tony Dokoupil. Here with me to discuss cancel culture on college campuses is Leon Chang. How are you Leon? ME (taking a sip of whiskey): yuck. do you have any apple juice mr dookie pill TONY: Not how it's pronounced

"Officers threw flash bangs and tear gas in my car. I got six kids in the car" "His wife, Destiny Jackson, told FOX 9 their 6-month-old infant stopped breathing and lost consciousness. She then performed CPR on her baby."

damn that’s crazy what if a bunch of specialists in violence were released into the wild with scant other marketable skills. that would be bad

just a little more training bro then ice will be okay, i swear just some more training bro i promise, we can reform this

People not in Minnesota: please read this excellent summary of what life is like in Minneapolis since the murderous scum ICE swarmed here. And more are on their way. By local reporter / writer / bike dude / legend @dbrauer.net .