Say some homeboy is sneak dissing your flygirl. Hit em with one of these.

On this Mother's Day, let's take a moment to remember that Denard Span once hit a line drive into the stands that hit his own mother. (She was OK.) www.espn.com/mlb/spring20...

One way you can tell a real post from me and not an imposter trying to "dupe" a post from my account is that I would NEVER post something about the opposing pitcher's butt on account of it being in poor taste. keep your eyes open out there.

on the day that patrick bailey is traded, joey bart gets two hits and drives in two runs against the Giants to tie him in career WAR. the old crone laughs at your questions about what this means and refuses to flip over another card. "In due time," she cackles. "In due time."

Brandon Belt would only get rung up on strikes outside the zone only when the Giants would be out of challenges. It would happen once or twice a game, like clockwork, and it would frustrate him so much that when he finally had a chance, he'd screw up and do it on pitches right down the middle.

are you on bluesky again, dad? I don't even know what that is well kiddo it's kind of hard to explain

An ABS challenge from a catcher or pitcher on a ball that's more than a full baseball outside the zone is called "Gregg's Blessing"

It's become clear that an unintended consequence of the ABS system is the introduction of a new type of That Fucking Guy who was previously undiscovered.

We need to come up with a name for an ABS challenge from a batter on a strike that's completely inside the zone. Something catchy like "the midshipman's regret."

Get in losers we're going to Flavortown

Austin Hedges going up to Patrick Bailey and saying, 'Wait, but I'm a Gold Glover who hits .180"

I have pulled strings and called in favors to get u closer tugboat

To this day, this is was my all-time most vivid dream experience. Not a word was exaggerated.

this one should be pixelated just to keep us safe

People, please. This was scripted. The cat is an actor. It meticulously choreographed each of those steps for months. Respect the craft.

let's see him save some games, let's get weird you cowards

I love this idea, and we should expand it to other years 1974 LOST 100 GAMES HIRED BENCH COACH (FORD) AFTER MANAGER FIRED NEW MANAGER SUCKED FARM WAS TRASH

they're telling me it's a graven image, and I say, "A graven image, what's that" and they tell me it's art that's so incredible, the best they've ever seen, better than Michelangelo," and I said wow, that's really something special, a graven image. no president has even had one before,nthey tell me.

“Lying about the numbers that are displayed on enormous signs on every corner of every populated area” feels like something you have to do to get the last fascism achievement on an Xbox game

I'll use the anniversary to drop in @grantbrisbee.bsky.social ranking each K in one of my personal favorite posts ever www.sbnation.com/mlb/2018/5/4...

checking the giants score

this has been stuck in my head since I saw there's a jalapeno potato at wendy's, had to get it out

Part of thinking the Giants are the worst team in baseball is accepting that Rafael Devers is the worst player in baseball, and I don't think we're there yet.

/zach de la rocha voice Jon Niese, Pat Misch, and Mike Pelfrey /drums and guitar swell Jon Niese, Pat Misch, and Mike Pelfrey /still louder Jon Niese, Pat Misch, and Mike Pelfrey /even louder JON NIESE, PAT MISCH, AND MIKE PELFREY

Adrian Houser did not allow a first-inning home run. He had previously allowed at least one in each of his previous four starts, dating back to April 6.

this is way better than Erik Miller (arm) could arm next week

Don’t fall for it. The Make Teens Hotter Again Act is just another distraction from the … wait a second

Lots of people mentioning cable news and baseball, but nobody is mentioning his biggest accomplishment. For 37 years, the only way to drive anywhere was a series of right turns. Then a young Ted Dimitrakopoulos realized you could just go left at the stoplight instead. Changed the world.

According to the most trustworthy website I know, he’s still alive, not sure where to go from here.

/zach de la rocha voice Jon Niese, Pat Misch, and Mike Pelfrey /drums and guitar swell Jon Niese, Pat Misch, and Mike Pelfrey /still louder Jon Niese, Pat Misch, and Mike Pelfrey /even louder JON NIESE, PAT MISCH, AND MIKE PELFREY

I've thought about the "marx brothers of Def Jam" all day, and i'm pretty sure there should have been a Beastie Boy who didn't talk and maybe honked a bicycle horn every so often. Honko the Beastie Boy. Maybe the most popular of them all.

Current AI custom prompt: You're in a desert, walking along the sand, when you look down and see a tortoise. You reach down and flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun. But you're not helping. How many home runs did the Cubs hit in 2002?

"Thutmose III, very nice guy, but for some reason he just won't let the Battle of Megiddo go. 'Sir, I have to keep fighting it, the Canaanites are being very rude to us,' but I tell him to stop and he does, so that's one."

Rotoworld fixed the pixelation months ago. Don’t drink raw milk.

Day 726: I have taken the test again. They cannot break me. They asked me to name six dozen animals of dubious veracity, and I responded correctly in every instance. The gharial, the tenerac, the sitatunga … they even slipped in a primitive drawing of a Nandi bear, but I clocked it immediately.

[me, in my head, nodding silently, when someone introduces me to Paul D'Yellowtail]

Babu Frik (2019) 🎵🔉

According to my residual self-image, I am a normal adult with normal adult interests. Every so often, though, the spell breaks and I realize what a damned nerd I am.

my preorder of Channel Orange from two years ago is on that ship, i know it

cuckmit the frog imo

One time Barry Bonds came into the green room of NBC Sports Bay Area and looked me dead in the eyes and asked, "Is the door to the garage that way?" and I looked like the kid. He got annoyed and immediately left to ask someone else.

I know there are lots of good people in college administration, but it's increasingly one of those roles like "private equity lawyer," "oil executive," or "Red Sox fan" where you're really going to have to convince me in each individual case

They’re calling it the “Not facing Giants pitching curse”

Family Knows Not To Interrupt Dad While He’s Skimming Pool, Listening To Orioles Radio Broadcast https://theonion.com/family-knows-not-to-interrupt-dad-while-he-s-skimming-p-1819578904/

The Giants have been shut out for the seventh time this season. People will tell you things like "that's a season's worth of shutouts in May," and, yeah, technically that's true, but

Jake Fraley asked for a challenge, but the Rays were out. The Giants will get to shoot a technical free throw now.

The Giants have hit nine homers since Byron Buxton was drafted

this really is the funniest running gag going right now, absolute levels me every time. he really thinks he's cooking with these tests.