young michelle story: the first thing I ever stole was a service bell from a department store when I was five. my mom was talking to the lady at the layaway window. when she went to get her manager, I stuck it in the pocket inside my winter coat and held my finger over the clapper until I got home

nobody beats the wiz

pete and pete gave me my first two favorite actors who show up in everything: toby huss as artie, the strongest man in the world, and damian young as bus driver stu benedict

it's crazy how "flammable" and "invaluable" mean the same thing

happy pride to the two best friends who are going to save magic

a guy just came in the shop and told me he turned 40 15 minutes ago and then asked me how to lie to women about his age. first day back and nothing has changed lmao

when I die, give me a viking gooneral so that I may reach ballhalla

Peach Tennis 'Mario Sports Superstars' Nintendo 3DS

happy pride month 🌈

happy fuckin pride, ya quee-ahs

just had a flashback to the days of radio they might be giants on wiredplanet.com where john f would play a bunch of tmbg rarities, including their cover of maybe I know by lesley gore, recorded without electricity on an edison cylinder

listening to a podcast where they got a listener to record herself reading fanfic and this lady is doing some accents that'll get you sent to the principal's office

GUY ON A DATE WHO THINKS MEN WITH BIG DICKS PISS MORE: Im going to the bathroom again 😏

If your brain melts into a putrid slurry upon beholding The Forbidden Knowledge..... you'll might be a Redneck!!!

catbrush threepwood, darling of the hallway

new sex move called "the husky butler"

get a load of this sclurf

get a load of this 1970's propaganda film about how women soldiers have come a long way, and that means that they need to look their best when vacuuming offices for the army

🎶🎵 all i wanna do is eat some bugs 🎵🎶 (sheryl actual crow)

🎵🎶 everybody eat bugs tonight (everybody eat bugs tonight) 🎶🎵 (for the purpose of this joke, please imagine a world in which the band wang chung is composed of birds instead of humans)

Cassidy Diamond... call me

I'm like the tenth hottest chick at the bar tonight which is wild bc I usually crack the top 3

from the bathroom of the pinball bar

now that's a name you can trust

norman and peepopo, 2007 norman and catbrush, 2026

the way he adds "in Baltimore" is one of the biggest laughs in the whole show for me

All grown up

this was the dating scene at the pinball bar for like, three years

mina the hollower confirms something I've suspected ever since I was a kid: I don't really like link's awakening

now there's something i've been meaning to tell you about the college on the edge of the town. no one should ever go there. that school is bad, bad, bad.

currently watching santa's summer house, starring martial arts star cynthia rothrock and robert mitchum's failson chris as mr and mrs claus. like a talking cat!?! before it, this takes place in a porno mansion

*rolls that beautiful bean footage*

I looked good tonight but did not take a picture sorry I'm so sorry

I think of this every time I have the hiccups, including right now

I've worked the shipment at probably 80% of my jobs and I'm here to tell you that shit ain't happening without the guys out back

the yankee clippard

If someone had told me 20 years ago "In 20 years you'll be using a much shittier, buggier version of photoshop, but you won't own it! You'll rent it for a quarter of a thousand dollars every year!" I would have murdered them

baby lemme be your lando champ-rissian

just got the call that I'll be back to work on Monday. still haven't gotten an appointment with an ortho spine specialist to see if I need surgery, but I guess I can now legally lift up to 15 pounds and that's good enough

jennifer coolidge character voice: I love lunch. I think everyone should eat at least one good lunch per day

my neighbor (ages 0-7)

Cher is short for Jack Reacher

me and who

yeah unlike most funk songs, which make you want to lie down on the floor

the menu says they have something called "surf, turf, and sclurf"