Mencken's Cultured Pearl in Baltimore, a Mexican restaurant in Hollins Market. They had blue chips and green salsa and the chips were dusted with chili powder. The tables were covered in butcher paper and had jars of crayons, the walls were lined with customer art. Closed 1998, I still have a shirt

Waymo only pawn in game of life

R.B.M.

never really been into Laurel Canyon hippie rock but i accidentally discovered David Crosby's "If I Could Only Remember My Name" and it is a fucking masterpiece

CELEBRITY SIGHTING! Quentin Tarantino walking around Rock & Roll Ralphs making the squeezy motion and saying "feet feet feet"

hey lay off Ben Shapiro he's about to be enlarged and injected into a scientist

Bibendum? It damn near killed him!

i'm stand-upping at the THROCKMORTON THEATRE in Mill Valley on February 3 if you're into that sort of thing

wow how long was i out

i'm opening for BTS on their 79-city world tour, get there early and check me out NO PHONES

if Peter Parker had been bitten by a CB radioactive spider he would have gained the proportional strength and abilities of a rubber duck

succulent: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING  me: it's been a few weeks, i thought you might want some water  succulent: NO

just found out there's a Butthole Cut of Song Sung Blue where they all have realistic CGI buttholes

a few years ago there was a Cars and Guitars exhibit at the Petersen Automotive Museum, Bob Weir's car was a black '65 Corvette with slotted mags. it was filthy, covered in barn dust and cat footprints, he said it could only be displayed if it wasn't washed coolest car in the entire museum RIP

saw Mike O'Brien and Connor O'Malley doing a split-single standup show at the Elysian, they were really fun and funny. go see them live if you ever get the chance

Oh, do you know the Method Man, the Method Man, the Method Man Do you know the Method Man who lives on Wu-Tang Lane? Yes, I know the Method Man, the Method Man, the Method Man Yes, I know the Method Man who lives on Wu-Tang Lane

Garfield acted like he hated Odie but after he was put down he sat under the bed howling and wouldn't eat for days

Honey, I Drilled the Kids

doctor (writing): i'm putting you on lexapro, 10mg a day. in a couple of weeks we'll get you back in here and see if we need to adjust the dosage but this should do the trick pagliacci: thank you

is there a Buffalo Wild Wings that has thirty TVs playing Buckaroo Banzai and That Mitchell and Webb Look instead of sports or did i just get rich

my sex life implies my sex death

for sale: baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo, never worn

living in this country is like being awake on the table

quick get MAD TV back on the air so i can pitch Charlie's Biblically Correct Angels

still writing MISTER POLICE YOU COULD HAVE SAVED HER I GAVE YOU ALL THE CLUES on my checks

New Year's Eve just hasn't been the same since New Year's Steve died

important thread

TOP TEN TOP TEN LISTS OF 2025: Top Ten Things I Wish I Had Worn To This Party Instead Top Ten Times I Thought I Had Gingko Berries On My Shoe Top Ten Starbucks Restroom Codes Top Ten Times I Tried To Typw wHull i wss drviing Top Ten Things I Should Have Said When I Saw Leslie

selling Sting a new Kia Stinger and him not appreciating me pointing out the similarities in their names

just got a notification from my TushyCam that says there's someone at my back door

across to the hospital, down to fuck

LIFE HACK! don't say you were jacking off when you were at Haunted House

Kid A playing in this coffee shop has me the opposite of pumped

don't forget to set your clocks back tonight

David Ontertainment Russell

🎶 there must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found / for when they placed it on his head he began to reproduce 🎶

quick get MAD TV back on the air so i can pitch Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mister Lawrence

quick get MAD TV back on the air so i can pitch Merry Christmas, Mister Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs

quick get MAD TV back on the air so i can pitch Merry Christmas, Vicki Lawrence

if they had just shown it on 60 Minutes nobody would have seen it

quick get MAD TV back on the air so i can pitch Shingles All the Way

As you wish bsky.app/profile/disn...

🎶 I saw Mommy blow the Sparkletts guy 🎶

quick get MAD TV back on the air in Canada so i can pitch Knives Oot

find someone who looks at you the way a boomer looks at a delivery robot

hey Quinn i spotted you backstage at the BroadStage in Santa Monica @quinncy.bsky.social

spilled a soda on my compu r sk me nyth ng

the republican obsession with trans people is creepy and fucked up

you've heard of Elf on the Shelf but are you ready for Elf Shit Behind Your Books