Too many times, when I get on an airplane, I blindly put my trust in the professional pilots, the so-called, “experts” in the cockpit, and not the guy in 14C reading a John Grisham book or his napping wife in the sweatshirt with a tiger on it. That ends now. This, the year I die in a plane crash.

“And we make no apologies.” Who’s asking for one? The constant, whiny, keening, imagined victimization of the right.

Off to a good start

Trump has turned the EPA into a pay-or-play de-regulation racket for the fossil fuel industry. The Green Party must be up in arms! Let’s check in with their leader, Jill Stein.

It was people like Stephen Miller who fought against Frank and Dean’s parents immigrating from Italy.

When I think “Family Christmas,” two names come to mind…

Too busy commenting on posts to deliver potato chips.

“CBS News’ expose on ICE abuses will not air tonight so that we may bring you this special report on how batteries work.”

I am about to take my kids to a 10:30 showing of Avatar in 4D in case anyone ever tries to tell you that parenthood is easy.

If the release of the Trump-Epstein Files tells us anything, it’s that Trump isn’t as implicated in the Trump-Epstein Files as much as people thought he was implicated in the Trump-Epstein Files.

I just saw someone yell “they’re just using it to generate ideas!” And I hate to say it But if you work in the ART DEPARTMENT and you need a death machine stuffed with your colleagues’ work to give you ideas Quit.

The White House has been caught. The administration inserted a photo of Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson, and Diana Ross into the Epstein files and falsely implied it showed them with victims. In reality, it’s a publicly available fundraiser photo featuring Jackson and Ross’s own children.

Since he likes slapping his name on everything, let’s call them The Trump-Epstein Files.

That’s funny, I want his name connected to JFK‘s in a weird way, too..

Assuming a Democrat can ever regain the White House, Washington DC is going to undergo an overhaul that will rival the de-Bathification of Baghdad.

“As a devout Christian Republican I had no problem with Trump mocking the disabled, calling women pigs, joking about the hammer attack on Nancy Pelosi’s husband, calling political opponents “retarded,” calling for Democratic lawmakers to be hanged, allowing masked thugs to…

Meanwhile, a human being said this…

A lot of Trump supporters do not understand the deep disgust so many people harbor towards him. To this, I can only say, remember the burning rage you felt when a black guy tried to help you get health insurance?

TWO REPUBLICANS criticized Trump’s despicable-even-for-it post obout the Reiner family tragedy. Two. There are 53 Republicans in the Senate, 220 Republicans in the House, they have four balls between them and two belong to Marjorie Taylor-Green.

And he wrote it with this hand.

On the CBS townhall — where Erika Kirk was given a chance to “open up on faith, grief, [and} political violence — she was asked: “Will you condemn the violent rhetoric of Donald Trump, the most powerful and influential person on earth?” She would not. open.substack.com/pub/charlies...

all i'm saying is that there were better options

“After you die, please remain above ground for a moment to answer a short survey.”

I wish Florida and Texas would just get married, move out and get their own place.

I think they mean, “freedom outbreak.”

I noticed yesterday as I was scrolling Instagram how many times I asked myself… “Wait, is this real?” Assuming that’s not good?

In case it wasn’t already clear - cbs is fox now under Bari Weiss

I say MERRY CHRISTMAS. I say it at the mall. I say it to strangers. I say it while walking along with my d!ck out, that I paint grey and tape little elephant ears and eyeballs to. And then I run up to people and try to put my fingers in their mouth. AND I WONT APOLOGIZE.

“… and one by one, they start eating each other.”

In addition to the spectacle of Trump reuniting with KISS for Men Who Wear Make-Up ‘25, is the unsettling realization that Sylvester Stallone is turning into his own shrunken head apple sculpture.

#CharlieBrown #TwinPeaks

Does Disney buy Netflix now?

After years of lying to my wife, I finally admitted that I’d never seen Gaslight. Or did I?

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

Kash Patel: "When you attack our nation's capitol, you attack the very being of our way of life — We will always refute it & combat it" Unless you’re J6 insurrectionist who attacks the capitol — then you receive a pardon & get called a patriot…

Really great! Immediately gives people a vision if living in a bombed out house with no roof. They feel comfortable and safe. Another good one is, “Not molested recently.”

If you get it you get it.

Looking forward to a proud family tradition tomorrow of sitting down in front of the TV with all the kids and watching Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me.

Monchichi walked so Labubu could run.

It would be tragic except that they voted for it.

Kinda shows the level of elite capture in this country when the guy with the lowest approval ratings in history is going “hey you fat pig! I’m going to hamburger conference to say fish sandwich! Also not a sex offender!” and the news is just starting to be like huh wonder if this guy is unpopular

DHS posted a photo of someone in Portland, “expressing support of ICE.” It’s an obvious fake. Note that she’s standing over the letters “AI” in the sidewalk. Why?

Moving to Texas just so you can say “retarded” seems… Oh, God, how do I put this?

People used to say “I’m running away to join the circus.” But the whole point of a circus is it travels around from town to town. It just doesn’t sound very dramatic to say, “I’m going out front to wait for the circus.”